Will this ever go away and will I ever want anyone else like I want him?

My fiance left me back in March. We were together for seven years with a couple "breaks" in there. And every time he would start seeing some girl he barely knew right after we broke up. Well he did it again. And we were supposed to be married in September this year. Also each time he never really lets me go. Always checking up, getting jealous of other guys while he sees other girls. Same story there again. Tried telling him we shouldn't talk for a while. We went about a month wi th out contact then he saw me out one night and blew up my phone and my friends' phones looking for me the next day. I tried to keep a wall up. And keep him at a distance. We are not and have never been good at distance. I tried as hard as I could but eventually ended up letting most of my wall down. He was always having bre akdowns about us and how we aren't together... and that he is confused. I was always there to pick him up. But no one was picking me up when I had a breakdown. I suffered through without bothering him even though I thought and kinda hoped it would kill me. All this time he is in Facebook pictures with this girl with a huge smile on. And his family making comments about how happy he is. Again... almost every day he's smiling for pics... I get a text or phone call. And he's panicked and misses me and doesn't know what he's doing and it got to a point where I couldn't handle it anymore. he's getting counseling. And he says that the girl he's seeing is fully aware that he is still in love with me but she chooses to stay. Others say there's no way she knows Because shed be gone if she did. I don't know what to believe. We decided to not be in contact for a while (months) unless there's and emergency of some sort. While I know this is really to my benefit...I just miss him so much. He has helped me through so much hardship in my life regardless of our relationship problems. Wr have always had each others backs against other people. I keep trying to stop missing him. I'd like to fall in love with someone new but I can't stop thinking about him :'( I'm lost and don't know what to do.

Updates:
Update! Apparently a few months was too long. Decided on the fourth he was going to leave me be for a few months... contacted me yesterday. I want to make clear I did NOTHING to provoke him to contact me. I actually avoid that because well its just drama... but he said the night before he had been a mess and actually came to my house and thought about knocking on the door to talk... but changed his mind. and I know this to be true because he left something. What is this behavior?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I too was just going through this exact situation. Unfortunately, I am 39, and my ex is 39. He acts like he has the emotional maturity of guys your age. I can tell you, they don't change much with age. So, with that being said, you will get through it! My ex and I were together off and on for 2 years. I did the same thing as you and let him come back each time. I met him going through a divorce. Even though different circumstances, the bottom line is FEAR OF COMMITMENT! The two women mine got into a relationship right after, within weeks, could not threaten him. One lived 4 hours away, and now the new one just got a divorce and lives over an hour away. I wanted marriage, he has had two failed. Yours is just young and does not know any better. The other reason is habit. Yes, it is hard to have people leave our lives sometimes because they have been a part of it for so long. Bad habits are hard to break! So, with that being said, you need to do what I did. Stay away! Cry, sleep, mourn, talk to friends who will not tire of hearing about him, and eventually you will start taking care of yourself, get your confidence up, and then, when you start to notice other guys, you will know you are healing! Please try hard not to make him jealous because you know you will get a response from him. You don't need this right now. NO CONTACT whatsoever! Trust me, I have to look at pictures on Facebook as well, and you know what, it does not bother me as much now that it has been since March. Do not date right now. That will make it worse. You do not have to get even, or worry about being alone while he is not. Trust me, you will be the better person for it in the end!

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    • Thank you. I kind of sensed it was fear of comittment all along. Which makes it so sad that some let fear get in the way of such a connection. I wish he would have just stayed away like I asked him to back in March when we split. I was getting better in may...and thatd when he decided to show up in my life again. I talked to him. Eased his anxieties. Tried to keep him positive...all while draining my own energy. Now we aren't speaking again and I'm back at square one.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You need to make a COMPLETE break from your ex. That means putting away any and all pictures or memories of him, and cutting off ALL communication with him. No texting, no checking his FB page, NOTHING. You need to act like he never even existed. Only then can you start to heal and move forward. Also, as long as you are still this attached, you should not be dating other guys, because you aren't being fair to them, and you aren't doing yourself any favors either.

    Instead, you should be focusing on improving other areas of your own life. Eat better, get more exercise, take a class, do an activity, whatever. Do some things that are going to make you feel better about YOU, regardless of any of the other stuff. Find YOURSELF as an individual again.

    That's what you need to do to get past this.

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  • Its gonna take time. The longer you were together, the longer it'll take to break off the bond.

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  • yes it will and yes you will

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What Girls Said 4

  • break up with him

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  • Well it is obviously going to take some time, but you really need to put you pr mind into it,

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  • You were together (on/off) for a span of 7 years and now you've been broken up again for less than 4 months. 4 months is not a lot of time to allow yourself to get over someone. I say give it some more time, you two are obviously broken if you keep parting ways and getting back together. Plus, it should totally turn you off that he is seeing someone else so quick. Keep up the no contact and keep meeting new people. One day you'll realize it doesn't hurt anymore and that you hadn't thought about him for a few days.

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  • yes, it will go away, try to move on and meet new guys

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    • I am. I flirt all the time. I've been on dates. I'm always finding new people. But I can't get him out of my head. I loved the dynamics of our relationship. And our common interests. For a long time we were convinced that we are soul mates. I can't look at someone else without comparing them to him. And when they are just like him it makes me miss him... and when they're not I am disinterested. I'm a complete mess really. I feel like I'm looking for someone who doesn't exist.

    • there are over 6 billion people on this world there are more people like him he is not that unique trust me keep looking and keep your head up

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