Breaking it off with someone even if we haven't officially been together

There's a guy in my life who I have a strong connection with. I met him last year, and almost from the beginning, we've noticed the strong chemistry between us and that we have a lot of things in common. Thing is though, we never really talked about what we actually are, because there are a lot of practical things that are in the way to realistically keep us from being together, like distance (he lives in a different state) and beliefs. Also, I have a feeling that he put me on a pedestal in his head, because there are times when he would describe me in the superlative, which is pretty awkward. Even so, there's always just an undercurrent whenever we spend time together and when we text. At first, it was just mild flirting, but later on the conversations became much deeper than that. The thing is, he got himself a girlfriend early this year. I won't pretend it didn't hurt, because it did, especially since I found out that she's now pregnant. To make the situation even messier, just recently, he admitted that he actually likes me a lot, and now he's confused because of how he feels. Anyway, what can I do to break things off with him? I don't want to end up becoming the third party in this picture, especially since they're about to have a baby. Also, would it be possible for us to remain friends given the situation?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Stop to think a minute "why" if you both noticed a strong chemistry between you plus you had a lot in common that he still got himself a girlfriend early this year and now she's pregnant? If he likes you a lot and now seems confused it's because he's been messing around and didn't pursue you like he should have if his feelings for you were true. I don't see any future for you and him because of the baby he'll have between him and this other girl that will always be there. It's easy to text and talk and all that and develop a strong feeling for another person, but it's much different to walk the talk because that takes doing something. You're totally right in your thinking that you need to break things off with him because you will end up being the third party in this picture and it won't be any fun for you. As far as remaining friends I guess you could somehow remain some type of friends but why not let him continue to pursue this other girl or use his energy to help with the new child in some manner be it child support or actually helping physically by being there for the child. To me that'll be just a waste of your time and energy listening to him talk about his situation and having him continue to tell you how much he likes you. Of course, you can continue to talk and dream about getting together someday but why not just make yourself more available to some other guys that live closer and aren't all involved in some other girl/situation. I think it's time to say good bye and start walking in a new direction. We meet a variety of people in our lives in different ways. Some we connect with better than others. Some we like and some we don't. We have things in common with some and some we don't. Use this as a learning experience to not get too involved with guys that are sorta out of reach even if you think he's good looking, talks sweet to you and it's fun to be together. Once relationships start getting serious where commitment and trust become so very important, a person starts to see what that other person is all about. It's best to move on when you can and I think that's what you should do now. If you must remain friends, I'd really try to keep it casual or else you'll soon find yourself back in the same situation again... but maybe not so easy next time. Good luck!

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    • You're right. I think the reason why he didn't pursue me back then was because he felt that he wasn't worthy of me, but that's still not an excuse. I have no intention of getting together with him, and I don't want to be the reason for their breakup, especially with his girlfriend being pregnant, but I still do want to continue being friends with him, although I don't know how that will work given the situation we're in.

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    • Thanks for your additional comments. You know, then was then but now is now. It's never the same in the present as it was in the past because everything changes... is constantly changing so it's impossible to bring back the same situation you had at one time. Don't make a special effort to stay in touch. If he contacts you, well decide then but keep it light, at least at the start. As far as ending it, is all you have to do is tell him or just start ignoring him. Time will do the rest.

    • Yeah, I haven't been the one to initiate conversations with him ever since things have become awkward between us. So I'll just allow time to deal with the situation? Here's hoping that will work. I just don't want to lose our friendship.:/

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What Girls Said 3

  • just keep away from him

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  • I don't think there is. I mean he liked you but he also is with this other girl. You are just goint to be a temptation there and it is going to make htings awkward.

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    • That's the thing. He said that he loves his girlfriend, but I'm around, so he doesn't really know what to do. That's actually the reason why I'm thinking of breaking things off with him, because I really don't want to be the cause of them breaking up. I still want to be friends with him, but I don't know if that's possible given the situation.

  • well if you want to stay frineds just tlak to him, then just se eif he accpets to be frined- but since he's having a baby I would find it kind of hard that it will happen.

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