Where does a girlfriend fit in between ex/kids/video games?

Been seeing my guy since April. Our relationship started out as a lie. He told me that he was divorced and sleeping on brother’s couch. Saw him on FB and saw that he was still married in May. This later turned into him sleeping on his wife’s couch. He and I had been calling places before my confrontation, so I can honestly believe that they had checked out of the marriage and were splitting up (again). Immediately after our spat, he had moved out and started living with his friend (the day of). Had been going over to the friend’s apartment constantly, started to say I love you, and the intimacy was through the roof.

He has asked me to spend the week with him, but I am already seeing red flags in our relationship. Him and his wife talk every single day. I understand he has two children with her, but the conversation does not stop there. They are both heavy gamers. Sadly, I am the opposite. I tried to play, but I am getting tired of it. The gaming is every day, for at least 1.5 hours. Last night, he was calling Battlefield, and she was on his team. They were even calling each other/messaging on PS3. That went on for like two hours after I had first gotten back from having dinner with my family. Later found out (not by him) that he had been there earlier and loaned her a video game. Instead of sitting there and watching the game, I decided to work on my laptop/external HD. When he was done, he then starts wanting to watch YouTube videos that immediately go into gaming related music videos.

I am a very honest person, so when my ex from out of state messaged me, I told him. He immediately gets bent out of shape and asked why I am talking to him. I told him how the conversation went, but followed up with how he does not have much room to talk. “We have kids together.” He runs out of things to say when I bring up the calls, texts, gaming FB group they share, and then gaming together. He sees nothing wrong with it. I don’t even mention how I secretly see her FB posts. Lately, she will post videos of video games and old pics of her and the children then tag him in it.

I am glad that the girls call over a bumped knee or anything small. I know they miss their dad. Can even understand the importance of being cordial for the children. Think things are starting to become a little too much to be understanding about, and taking a toll in other aspects of our relationship.

I am having an O issue when we do go to bed and finally get physical. That could be stemming from my insecurities. Also does not help the fact that when he finds this out, he just does not try to assist, and just does something else. It bothers him, but it apparently did not stop him from making him a sandwich last night.

Of course, there are good times. He is so considerate in other aspects. Even takes care of my dog if he gets to the apartment before me. Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? Am I overanalyzing things? Is there another approach to take?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • if I was you I would just get out of this situation, things are way too messy, like you said, things started with a lie, he's heavily entangled with his still current wife and family, which is somewhat understandable on one level, but it's not fair to expect you to put up with that, he shouldn't have a Girlfriend if things are still so complicated.

    the gaming thing to me crosses a line, you don't spend hours gaming with your ex while your current SO just sits by, it seems like he isn't really committed properly to you or the idea of separation.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE

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What Guys Said 2

  • The fact that he is a gamer is just who it is, nothing to do about it, if it's not working out because of that, he isn't the right guy for you, however, the amount of attention he give to his wife is kinda worrying, I wouldn't be surprised if they still had sex.

    Also I didn't read the full essay, so sorry if there's something I missed.

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  • Video games are to guys what shopping is to girls, it's best not to get in between either of them or you're going to end up losing a hand.

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What Girls Said 3

  • i don't think he will change, maybe compromise on some hours or something.

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  • i think you just have to put up with it if you like him a lot

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  • he makes things more complicated, if I were you I would just move on

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