My ex-boyfriend and I have been friends for 10 years. A few years ago we decided to date and it only lasted about 6 weeks. We still remain friends but the intimate feelings for each other still linger.
The reason I called it off was because I thought he was so obsessed with his ex that he would think of her as God-like meaning if she taught him something then that was it, nobody could tell him otherwise because 'she said so'. I'll give some examples from our short relationship
- He stood there in front of myself and his family and said 'When I get married, my wife will have to stand there at the alter and thank my ex-gf because if it wasn't for her, I would never have wanted to get married'
- I waited up late one night for him to come home, when he got home he saw me waiting for him and his face lite up and he said 'when I get married, this is exactly what I want my wife to do because this is what my ex-gf told me she would do'. Didn't even get a thank you or anything.
- When he has children he would like a girl first because his girlfriend made him realize that females are much more intelligent than males.
- I gave him an ultimatum once and he turned around and said he was not going to play into that because his ex taught him ultimatums are not a good thing.
The list goes on
Lets make their relationship clear. They met overseas and were together for three months and then had a long distance relationship. All up I think it lasted two years. I understand that she was his first love and she made a big impact in his life which is fine but to me this behavior went beyond appropriate 'ex-talk' to 'lets start a religion because she is God' . I felt like the devil any time I did something that she had taught him was not appropriate.
Does he think she is some kind of God whose word he should obey? Most importantly, do you think this is normal and he can have other relationships or is this a 'call a professional' situation?
P.S other then this, our relationship was fine lol
Most Helpful Guy
No he doesn't see his ex as god...its really unfair for you to assume that
so he took positive lessons about relationships and how to treat a woman from his ex and applied them. AND YOU'RE angry? It would be one thing if he had gotten bad advice but from what it sounds like he learned what love, and being a good guy, and honoring a woman and a solid relationship is
i get it it's a little bit offputting to hear someone talk about their ex. but he isn't saying that he's in love with her just mentioning the lessons he learned from her. You should've have simply said that you appreciate that he learned to be a good dude from his ex but it makes you feel like he's not over her or is obsesessed with her by constantly mentioning her... but getting angry and giving ultimatums is never a good thing (I learned that from his ex, haha).
I honestly think you made a mistake and let your insecurity get the better of you rather than figuring out a positive way to address the situation.2