Need advice....is 4 year LDR over?

I met my this guy 4 years ago randomly in a state neither of us are from. We hit it off and went back to our homes (South Dakota) & (Georgia) expecting nothing really. We became incredibly close talking every day and skyping as much as possible and the next thing I knew he had become my best friend. After a year of being apart he came to visit me for a long weekend and it was perfect. We began dating and for awhile it was great and then distance began to come in between. We were both in college at the time and were athletes so we could not travel much. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically we were so connected and our relationship became so strong. Unfortunately 3 months ago everything changed. He began playing semi pro football and I could feel something was different. He became more and more distant and finally after a conversation he explained he was incredibly stressed out with ball (traveling everywhere) and was very depressed. I mad a last minute trip to go visit him and although we were on rocky terms before, when we saw each other everything was back to normal in an instance. I have never felt a love so strong. He apologized for the way he had been acting and told me I was his best friend and he had never loved anyone like this before. I felt the exact same way and our time together was perfect. The week after I left everything was great but then all of a sudden he began getting quiet again. His uncle doed unexpectedly, He was also traded from his team and had a lot on him but for the past 4 years I had been the one he came to when anything was wrong. A week ago

He told me he needed to take some time to find himself again and work on himself. He said he wasn't happy in his life and he had to bounce back from this before he picked up his life and moved away (we had been discussing moving together). I was crushed and let him have it but then I didn't talk to him for 4 days. All of a sudden he sends me two texts one day, another the next and I just don't know what to say. I asked him if he saw a future with me in it and he said he has no idea. This makes me this its over. When we are together in proximity nothing can break us but when we are apart it seems like everything falls apart. Should I erase him from my life, or be there to support him through this hard time. I keep getting mixed signals...I don't want to be needy or clingy but he's my heart and I don't want to just let it go that easily.We have been best friends/dated LDR for nearly 4 years and I just don't know what to do. I Haven't heard from him in 2 days now. He has been the person the entire time that has been putting in the majority of the effort to make us work. Now all of a sudden...the tables have turned. What is he thinking? Thanks for your advice in advance .

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Let me say that I totally understand you wanting to listen to your heart. If he's telling you that he needs time to work on himself then, even though many guys use this excuse, it probably is true. You can't fully focus on yourself if you have someone else you're always thinking about and wanting to be with. That coupled with his personal issues makes me think that it is better for him to be alone and for y'all to break up. It's going to be horrible on you since you're so devoted to him and making things work. But I would go ahead with the break up. There's nothing you can do to change how he feels. It is interesting that he was the one putting in the majority of the work but now it's changed. That's how it is with people, guys especially.

    I'd advice you against contacting him once you break up. Do not talk to him until you have completely healed from everything. You'll know you're healed when you can hear his name and not get a pang in your chest.

    And, if it is meant to be, it will be. I was in an LDR too with my first love and he was my heart and my best friend. He told me he didn't see me in his future as well. And I've finally started to accept that he'll never come back to me an if he ever does it'll be too late by then. I encourage you to keep hope but at the same time my false hope has caused me to continue to hurt. But talking about it, even after almost a year without him, still helps.

    I wish you the very best of luck.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Sometimes when people grow they change. That's what it sounds like.

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  • yes I would say it is. you aren't the same and neither is your relationship

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  • i think it is, you guys have changed and the relationship is not the same

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