Do I continue or let it go?

So I've been in a relationship for 5 years. We have our ups and downs like a regular relationship. We have two kids together and every year it seems to get harder and harder to keep the spark and love alive. For 5 years he has been talking to his ex. First couple of years it was that he still had feelings for her. He says he's over it but I still find text message from her. The conversations are simple she says hi and how much she misses him and he says hi and for her to get use to him being with me. He kind of pisses me off because after all these years he now defends me. I recently found myself crushing on someone else. Does that mean that I love my boyfriend less than I thought or I've been hurt so much that I need to move on?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're 24 which means you got together at 19 and you have had 2 kids with him since then. I will always tell people that that is way too young of an age to have a child since you are still growing up yourself and making life decisions and figuring out who you are. While I always will say these things, unfortunately you have already had 2 kids together which means you two already made the choice to settle down and spend the rest of your lives together raising your children (at least I really hope that what you were thinking when you decided to have kids). It's time to put childish things aside and take responsibility in your relationship for the sake of your kids. Kids raised under single parents are constantly dealing with emotional instabilities due the the emotional toll it takes on them to see other peoples families compared to their own and since you are young enough that you would definitely get married to someone else as would your boyfriend that means your kids in your future family would be only half siblings feeling like only a fraction of the real family. This can really take a toll on kids while growing up and hinder them with social and emotional issues. You need to see a couples counselor and get things sorted out. I personally would say that you both need a very thorough talk, tell him get rid of his ex completely once and for all, number and all, and you need to get your mind straight and focus on your man and doing what you used to do to be passionate together. Stop thinking about this other guy now. People always talk about Marriage being the same way because once you have kids everything become focus on the kids and less on your relationship (your VERY young relationship I might add). It is essential that you two make the changes necessary to be intimate again and go on dates and be close again. Higher a baby sitter or have your parents take care of them for some nights while you two go out and have fun. Basically, what I'm telling you is when you start thinking the way you are right now, think about your kids and then think about how you can fix things to ensure a good future for your kids because their future and life should always come before yours.

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    • You are right we were young but when I met him I wanted to settle, he was the one for me and out the blue two years into it I find out about the ex and how she was in the picture before I even knew. For two years he kept it from me. I did tell him to get rid of her and we changed his number like 8 times and she still manages to pop up. I do put my kids before anyone. He recently decided to move and do the dating and meet up at night to have fun and try to spark up our love.

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    • Hope for the best and try your hardest

    • Completely agree with GuruGuy on this one, as for the number though, I had a similar problem, never found out who was giving my number to a sociopath ex I had, finally got rid of her, but the thing his, for a long time she always found out my number, in this case, I agree that you should tell him to speak to his cousin about giving her his number since it has been troubling your relationship

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What Guys Said 4

  • This is completely natural for even married couples to go through. I say if you have kids together, you are more like a married couple than just boyfriend and girlfriend. Try to work it out. Really try hard. Do things that you both loved doing together. Go on small trips together, have picnics in the park, check out the zoo. Who knows, you might reignite that spark.

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  • U can choose to either try aharder at being more open with each other and allow the kids to have some assemblamce of a normal life or break up and make sure it isn't messy with him because now understand that the both of you are not for each other anymore. You have 2 children who need guidance and help. You can look at someone and say they are settling down material and then go looking for another guy when he is trying his hardest to make the spark alive again. If all else fails love each other for your kids to have a peaceful home life even if u break up. No hostility or shots at each other. The children should be priority and from there you should work with each other to see how you want things to be in the future and work towards that

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  • Continue if you have a couple of life To live up To you baby..

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  • "For 5 years he has been talking to his ex."

    That should never have been allowed. It's no wonder you're crushing on someone else.

    What would make you happiest? That your current boyfriend actually changed his ways and paid more attention to you and stopped chatting with his ex? Something else? Or that you could have a meaningless fling with the new crush and take a chance that it might develop into something?

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    • It was a constant agrument the fact that he still speaks to her. At days I don't care about our relationship but then there's days that I wonder if I should take the risk. I think about my children and I think that's wrong to be with someone cause of the kids. I'm not happy , a part of me wants him to change but the other part is like he will never change its been 5 years

What Girls Said 3

  • this is a tough situation for you guys, I think that what needs to be established and addressed is where his heart is and what he truly wants to do. I say that because it seems that his actions are affecting your feelings and you need to have a heart to heart with him and then make your decision from there.

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    • I have and its always the same. He tells me he loves me and wants us to work but every time I turn around I hear her name. He says he tells me everything ,like every time he speaks to her so they won't be no secrets but I'm so tired of the same bs.

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    • Thank you

    • Anytime <3 I hope you make the best decision

  • i think its weird but not something that should be taken fro granted. I would definitely break up with him.

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  • i think you should let it go

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