Why do I forgive so easily

Its been 3 years of off - on off- on with my ex I should say, When I first met him, I fell in love with him, As time progress and our relationship got deeper, he wanted me to stop hanging with my friends, dress without showing my ass.. don't speak to guys or anyone unless its my family. Basically, he got controlling, and coming out of a marriage, I felt that I had to fight for this relationship. I tried to prove my self and love to him, but he would always get mad and call me a Hoe, or curse at me - he did hit me a few times in my head, and he would end it, and I would cry my way back to him. I felt like I lost myself within him and my heart was in pain and nothing felt right without him. I would always cry and fight my way back to him, after a day or few days. He never changed no matter how many times I think he would learn to respect me . When he was not upset with me, he was caring and showed he loved me - we always had a great time together, but as soon as I am away from him, he would start with his negative remarks. I had to text him back right away, text him every hour and If I didn't answer the phone right away he would start cursing at me. We took at trip and he got mad because he said I am not communicative - he gave me an attitude in the morning and I just let him be.. and when I tried to explain myself to him, he got mad and tried to suffocate me with the pillow, and 10 minutes after he calm down and act like nothing.. and blamed me for getting him mad. We had broke up for a week recently because he called me a mother FKr on the phone, and I told him don't speak to me that way, he shut his phone off and not care to discuss things.. we went back and promised and he finally said sorry .. and only two days ago, he got mad at me on the phone because he said I had an attitude when I was simply tired and he was speaking and I was waiting for him to finish. its like eggshells with him, So I tried calling him yesterday to wish him a happy birthday and he told me not to call him anymore hoe.. its the same words and the same fights. he has to much pride to fight for me.. the last time we spoke he said he knows that I come back to him because I am his true love. Why does he act this way.. he is 36 and I am 33.. I love him deeply and hate this pain.. but I know that things will only get worst and would never want to have a child bought up in that environment. why does he call me those names when he know I was honest and faithful to him. I am trying to move on, Its only been a day but feels like forever. I know God has a great man out there for me..

Updates:
he keeps saying I caused it 3 years ago, He set me up and had a girl text me thinking it was a guy.. and all I did was like who is this, and why are you texting me and no I don't know you. the person send they send me a pic of themself.. and I said no but they send a pic of their penis.. I deleted it.. I thought it was one of my crazy friends. I explained it to him the next day and thought we had moved on .its not like I spoke to the person or met with that person.either way it be something else

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He does this stuff because he's mentally messed up, unstable, and probably doesn't even really know how to behave in a real relationship - and I swear I'm not being judgmental of him, I'm sure there are plenty of reasons why he is the way he is, but the truth is that no one would treat another human being in the way you describe unless they have deep, difficult problems of their own.

    Why you keep going back is a different matter... are you afraid of what he'll do if you leave? Or do you keep going back on your own free will, because you can't stay away?

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • I think I keep going back because my heart misses him, and I feel that he will one day realize how good of a person I am to him and he will change his views. He blames his anger on his upbringing.. but I tell him you can't let your past control your future.

    • He is badly disturbed, and you say yourself that you are in terrible pain because of him. I don't know you, so I'm sorry for being brutally honest, but you gotta get the f*** away from him. He is never going to change. You're *never* going to change him. The feelings you have aren't your "heart" calling for him, it's his manipulation and abuse telling you that life purpose is to grovel for him like a dog. Please, please call this hotline and tell them the story you told here: 1-800-799-7233

    • Even if you aren't sure what to think or what you want to do, the people at that hotline can help you far more than the folks on here :) Take care of yourself!

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What Guys Said 10

  • there are two things at play.

    1) a manipulative, abusive, controlling dude

    2) a girl who seems lack a certain of self esteem and feels perhaps that this is the best guy for her OR potentially afraid of being alone

    it seems to me that once a perform abuses you in the form of suffocating the relationship should end. (PERIOD). it seems to me you go back because you are probably afraid of life without him. perhaps fear of being alone, perhaps a sense that you aren't maybe good enough to get another guy. But let me put it this way. If someone you cared about came to you and explained what you explained what would you tell them? I think and hope you'd advise them to run for the hills, get away from this abusive, controlling, disrespectful manipulator and don't look back. In all honesty being alone is better than being with someone who mistreats.

    I hate hearing stories like this so for your sake please do what's best for you. A better man is out there looking for a loyal loving woman like you. You desire that, not what this guy you are on&off with calls love

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    • its true, if someone came to me with this, I would be like you need to move on and don't be with a person like that.. yet I couldn't take my own advice. its sad that you can tell a person you love them and give your self to them, and try to make them happy - yet they are to blinded to appreciate things. Life goes on, and I will take it one day at a time .

    • oh I know the circumstance. I've forgiven ex's for things because I couldn't see past the love I have for them. It's often easier for people on the outside looking in to say "man that is bad situation to be in" so it helps to sometimes to get outside opinions... things can seem so much more clear from the outside. Love is often blind

  • 1. YOU are in love with him, so forgiveness runs like a faucet from you to him

    2. NO child should be raised with such issues, they should be a product of a life so harmonious it needs & screams to be shared

    3. Your guy has been beaten to hell by past relationships & perhaps life in general. Think of a street dog that has been kicked and unwanted all its life & how it behaves, even to kindness - as if it were a trick to harm it more.

    No matter how much you love this guy, he will not trust your love for very long before feeling it is a trick again to kick him in his vulnerable spots as others before you. Even if you were a trained therapist, you'd have your hands full 24/7 and for years trying to unwind all the complicated nests of hate inside him. This is why you wrote this question for laymen to answer ... such a problem is way beyond your experiences & potential solutions.

    Job#1 is to PROTECT YOURSELF by creating distance and silence between you & potential harm (him). The best opportunities come when he rejects you with a nasty name. The farther you roam, the more free time you'll have, fewer problems and less time thinking about solutions that will never come to a non professional. When finally at peace & segregated from Mr. Mean Problems, you'll have eyes wide open to others that are more normal & know how to love you in return. Eventually, this new freedom will allow Mr. RIght to find you ... or you him.

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    • Update: BS from your guy again ... do you need earplugs?

  • Love yourself and then you will find real love. He is a narcissist and will never treat you well. Sadly you know that and you had a man (father maybe) in your life growing up treat you badly or you had no father figure in your life. You choose jerks to continue this behavior. Fulfill yourself without the company of a man. Improve yourself, learn what makes you happy and do for others. You do not need anyone to define your happiness.

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  • Good luck escaping from him - he sounds like a bully, a thug, and a coward. You sound like you used to enjoy your life but now you've somehow fallen for a loser who gets his fun from making you feel bad.

    When you're ready to feel good instead of bad, you'll dump him, laugh at what an idiot you've been, and you'll go find the right guy all on your own.

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  • He was never good to begin with. He was not caring or loving. That's just how he looked on the outside.

    Controlling people sometimes might look really great on the outside, and that's what made it so hard for you to leave him. It's not that you forgive easily. It's just that many people in similar cases to yours find it hard to leave a controlling and abusive boyfriend, because they feel that the kindness and care that he sometimes shows makes up for all the wrongs, like there is a chance. You had lots of hope that he would change, even though he will never change, so do what's best.

    You had better stay away from him. HE ALMOST KILLED YOU! You should have called the police when it was safe to do so. Suffocation is really scary, so don't get close to him or your life will be in danger. He's a time bomb waiting to explode at every single opportunity. This guy is not good for you. Find someone else FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.

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    • I think he's some sort of psychopath or something, with no remorse. He blames you for his own wrongdoings, and showed no remorse for almost suffocating you to death. This is really serious.

    • Show All
    • You know I asked him why.. he told me I get him mad all the time, I am at fault all the time. That when he gets mad, to not fight him to LET HIM BE, and be quiet and just say sorry and let him calm down. I told him I try to let you calm down but then you hang up on me and shut the phone off.. so he goes and tell me to just keep calling him.. but then when I do, he calls me a Hoe.. .. its a no win situation.

    • So when he's mad, he tells you to be quiet? I get that some people want alone time, but whether he's mad or not, he shouldn't be so rude. In a good relationship, the guy should want to talk things out with you, since if you were to comfort him, that would be a sweet thing. Even guys need to talk about emotions sometimes. He looks down on you no matter what, so this is not the right relationship for you.

  • This will relationship will not change for the better. He will not change. It's time for you to change. It's extremely stressful in your situation. I know because I have been there in the past. I'm letting you know that I found much better and you can too.

    This guy you are describing does not respect you.

    He is controlling, self-centered and he will only be nice to you when he realizes he's is about to lose his crutch (that crutch being you). Be strong. Walk away and don't look back.

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  • i asked myself this question when I was really upset with this girl a couple weeks ago and said at time I wouldn't forgive her , until I saw her a week later and I did talk to her again and more or less just forgot about the stuiped things she did before . it just seemed like the right thing to do at time and not worry about the past as she was drunk anyways

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  • He has a deep seated disrespect for women..it's probably the attitude of male authority figures in his life, and/or the military, carrying over into his personal life now.

    It's very difficult to overcome or 'cure' such attitudes, as you have learned the hard way. I'm sorry you put so much effort into trying to get along with him when nothing you could have done would have worked.

    Walk away..this won't get any better, and in fact, the more you come whining back, the less respect he will have for you!

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  • It sounds like you're passive aggressive. Its unhealthy to feel like you need someone especially when that person constantly puts you down. You deserve someone great and you'll fint him.

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  • Because you don't care enough to hold a grudge. So, it means you're pretty cool.

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What Girls Said 5

  • You are in an abusive relationship my love. I know that it is hard to see this fact but you are. He is Extremely Physically abusive and verbally abusive. It is said that abusive relationships can be addictive because naturally as humans we try to "make things right" and try to" fix what is broken" so we hold on and ride the storm, but this type of storm is one thatwill NEVER END. Believe me, I would not be wasting my time writing you this message if I didn't feel for you and your horrible situation. There is a man out there for you sweatheart, but you have to 1st and foremost, get OUT and AWAY from this HORRIBLE SH!THEAD of a person. He is disgusting. Who the f^ck does he think he is putting his hands on you those ways?! Suffocating you? My love, that is attempted murder! HELLO!? It will NOT be easy to let go of this f^cked up relationship, because you gave your pure intentions into something so dark and hopeless, but you CAN regain back all of you efforts by MOVING FORWARD and gain a healthy state of mind and admitting that it is a deadly situation and not a productive love. Now that you have experience the darkest of a relationship attempt, you should NOW feel the urge to experience the exact opposit which is to have someone who will love you for real and never even put you in the situation to have to act this way to get attention and love and affection.

    You forgive bcoz he has abused you SO MUCH that you now seek his approval and follow his command and for myourself to please him, so in turn you have developed a very very low self esteem and a very very low sense of self worth!



    MOST IMPORTANT****

    YOU need to KNOW that you are worth so much more than this. In love, you do not need to EVER keep crying and running back to him. EVER! Do not do this. You are letting any person that dates you know that it is just fine to beat my body up and treat me like a prostitute and curse me like a wh0re and I will love you even more. If you ever hada daughter, would you want her to accept this treatment? If no, then why would you accept this treatment to be given to you and then you turn and say it's love. Wake up , smell the bullsh!t! and get the h3ll out of there before you end up pregnant by him, and then you will really be skrewed for life... RUN!

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    • Thank you for your genuine advise, I saved it to read it when I feel the need to contact him. I knew all these things in the back of my mind but kept trying to follow my heart in hopes that one day he would treat me right. sad thing, he was nice to his friends but they didn't know how he truly is.

    • Thats is what I was hoping, to get through to you, and help you realize! I wish you well! <3

  • i think its great to forgive easily but you can still try to make the person see their error even if you arnet mad. you can be mature and stand up for yourself or think what's the best way to go. anger and other kinds of feelings aren't the ones that should amek you ac tin some way if that makes snese.

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  • Because you are not mature minded. No big deal

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  • i think that either because you are stupidly in love with him or he knows how to handle you

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  • Why did he do anything he did? Because he is F'd up in the head. There's no fixing that. 6 years is a long time to put up with that, you're lucky he hasn't killed you or seriously injured you yet. Good grief, wake up and stay away from that crap, start living a real life.

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