We weren't actually married but should've been. Here's the scenario in a nutshell: He was my first love/boyfriend..we got together when I was a senior in high school (he's 2 years older) were together for 4yrs before I got pregnant with our first son. At that point we had one break up which lasted about 3 weeks in duration. About 3yrs after our son arrived, he began reclusing, staying late at friends houses up the road socializing/drinking after he got done work, then going home to bed, not seeing his son nor I for any amount of time. We separated and began seeing others, he always came back around, which resulted in my second son's arrival about a year after our split. We fought, literally about ANYTHING we could. If I had a boyfriend he'd say he "didn't care", but would ensure a few snyde comments were said about him. He moved out of province for a year to which he asked me to come, find a job, relocate with our children so it would be easier. The past couple of years have really been argument free aside from the odd child support pmt issue. I've matured miles since our past relationship, he's had about 5 gf's since me (currently on his 5th now who has a daughter by another man -he's been dating her for about 2yrs) all lasting in the 2-2.5 year range, I've had one boyfriend since him which lasted about a year. I know I've always loved this guy, he's always occupying my thoughts and actions, I'd like nothing more than to reconnect with him, show him how I've changed/matured as he still sees me as the person he left 10yrs ago. (He's always wanted me to be a better money manager and have more stay-at-home time.) When it's just him and he's around me for anymore than 20mins it seems he starts following me around like a lost puppy, then BOOM "I've gotta go!" he says and he takes off like a flash...same for telephone convos..we could be laughing, I feel connected, then he pulls away. Why does he do this. He told everyone in our inner circle I was crazy, he's bad-mouthed me to everyone in the past and kept his distance. DO guys who bad-mouth truly hate the girl their badmouthing? I just feel a mixed bag of emotions with him but I'd love nothing more than to have my family whole. My boys are old enough they ask about it occassionally as well, saying it would be better if we were together. So after that big rant my main question is : Is there hope for this reconciliation and if so what would be the best step for me to take to make this happen?