What to do with girlfriend who can't get over ex?

So recently I overheard my girlfriend of 3 years whom I share an apartment with speaking with her friend about her ex boyfriend. She was saying she wondered if he still had feeling for her and why things didn't work out. Well long story short we had a huge argument she said she didn't know what she was thinking and that she loves me and wants to be with me. So everything was good until last week when she received a call from her ex stating his little brother died. Now there relationship was strange, her parents took him and his kid brother in for 4 years so they were like family. Now there is a funeral in AZ where her parents live and she wants to go and she would be staying at her parents house which is where her ex is staying right now also. This has been a week long argument, she doesn't want me to go and we have been fighting about it constantly. She swears nothing will happen but because of her little talk with her friend that I overheard its a little hard to believe. I just don't know what to do, I was thinking of giving the ultimatum that if I don't go she doesn't go but I don't know how that will go over. It's so hard because I don't think or at least don't want to believe she would cheat on me but I just can't trust her anymore and she understands that. What is one to do do? I love her more than anything and would love to spend the rest of my life with her but I can't help but be upset and insecure about this situation. My co workers and friends say leave her but I really don't want to and we just signed a lease which would cost me over 2,000 to end if she did something in AZ and we broke up. Please help
Updates:
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  • Well first of all, you should be aware that many girls have a hard time severing emotional ties. I've seen girls feel guilty or show concern for ex's that were totally abusive to them, even though she broke up with them. Girls are just the type to always feel sympathetic towards people. This is why girls always want to know what their ex's are up to. Personally I think lots of these girl, while their intentions most of the time are innocent, are playing with fire. I'm in the camp that ex's should be erased out of your life as much as possible, unless of course they are a friend or something that you dated. So based on just her conversation with her friend, I wouldn't necessarily be overally concerned. Would I like hearing that, no, but would I break up with her because of it, probably not.

    Now the part I find strange, although I don't know much about the situation, is that she wants to go alone. I can understand why she would be staying in the same house. I knew a girl who dated a guy, and was friends with his brother, and both their families were extremely close. It was like they were related, so it was common from them to to be living at each others parents houses sometimes. So that doesn't bother me. I feel like if she had nothing to hide, she would have no problem with you coming. If anything, she would prefer you come for emotional support since its obviously going to be a crazy and hectic experience. The only reason she might not want you to come, is because she feels that you don't really have a relationship with any of the families and that it would be awkward to have you there, but still I'm not sure I buy that. It's totally acceptable to bring your SO/spouse to a funeral.

    Ask her why she doesn't want you to do. If the answer sounds like a bunch of BS, then that will tell you a lot. Even if she still insists she go alone, I'd be curious to see what her behavior was like afterward. What I'm trying to say is I agree you should be cautious. But I'm not quite sure I would break up a 3yr relationship so fast. Give it some time and continue to investigate.

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What Girls Said 3

  • tell hher to at least get it together around you or you guys are done, you don't deserve that.

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  • i think there is nothing you can do, she needs to get over him by herself

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  • if I were you I would move on

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    • I guess it was more mutual she left AZ because her grandpa bought her a car and had a place for her to live. And her ex and her were not getting along because she was the only one working a paying bills he just partied all night and played video games and sold some pot. As of right now he doesn't have 2 Nickles to rub together. His brother died by crashing his vehicle so no car lives with my girls parents and works part time doing sales for dish TV.

What Guys Said 3

  • You should go. You don't have to go to the funeral because that'd be weird but if you want to mAke sure, than go home with her.

    Honestly though, if my brother had just died I would probably not be thinking about sex or anything.

    Your girl is really fishy though. It's weird that is happened right after you overheard this. And it's weird that she's going to be staying in the same house as him.

    Is this your first lease together? Maybe she just had those feelings because moving in together is just a big step that she wasn't sure she was truly ready for?

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    • No this is our second lease together and he defanitly died I saw the newspaper article and I know his name so that's for sure. I've said this to her also and she says she didn't choose the timing

    • She also has been complaining lately about life and how she at the settling down age, she says a lot of her girlfriends are going through the same thing how they aren't young teenagers any longer and "that their actions have consiquences" now. She says she is happy but isn't happy to be growing up and having the same routine, going to work coming home to make dinner, paying bills. We have friends over every weekend but M-F is pretty grown up

    • Seems like she isn't ready to keep going forward the way you are going. Maybe you should take some time apart. Maybe she should stay home for a bit and figure out what she really wants. There's the old saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder? Maybe it's just getting to Mundane between you two. I think you need to have a serious talk. Not a fight,don't get angry with each other. Just talk ago what she's feeling, and what you are feeling. You both need to be 100% honest with each other

  • I'd leave. I have too much self respect. Your choice, though.

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  • Is she buying a one-way ticket?

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    • Negative, we are in southern CA so she is making the 6 hour drive.

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    • C'mon someone there has to be some sort of solution or compromise someone can think of. Maybe to much info for some but she is usually on her period at the end of the month like starts 24-26 and she leaves the 26th. Girls would that hinder you cheating? I understand you can have sex on your period and we have but more of a embarrassment factor?

    • 2.5 days. That's not a long time. Her timing was really poor. This game. There's a missing rule.

      Her boyfriend left her, yes? Do you know why?

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