What would you do if he/she...

...loves you and you love them as well but you two cannot be in a relationship? The variables of disabling the existence of a close relationship can be anything, from the fact that the person is your ex to religious differences to where the person lives.

I have a feeling that I am getting into this type of situation so I wanted to see what you would do or what you think SHOULD be done.

Please if you believe that what should be done is what is stated by multiple options shown in the poll, by all means write a comment and state what those options are.

Thanks. :)

  • You would leave them; a decision would be made to end the relationship/friendship and start ignoring them
    Vote A
  • You would try to solve the problems that disable you from having a relationship
    Vote B
  • You would stay as friends/forget about having a relationship with them
    Vote C
  • You would make the person change their mind and starting working towards having the relationship
    Vote D
  • You make sure that they are honest (about the love they say or think they have for you; about the reasons why a relationship cannot happen)
    Vote E
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Most Helpful Guy

  • i was in your situation so here's what I did and how it ended :

    really liked this girl (I still do). She does too or at least that's what I strongly believe. We were at college together. she rejected me once in a really weird way. at first I was OK and had no remorse towards her but she wasn't even looking at me so I decided to give her space and stop interacting thinking she was pissed at me (though she said she's not). When I started avoiding her she started posting breakup songs on her FB. after about a month I send her an Easter message. She started posting love songs and all kinds of quotes.

    so one day I thought it would be better for her to know so I just told her how I feel, how much I care about her. and also that for now we can't be together because I have some other things on my mind and wouldn't be able to give her all the time and energy she deserves. I said all those things without waiting to see if she says she likes me back because it would have been deceiving ( at least that's how I saw it ) AND I had no doubt she loves me too. I also said I'm not expecting her to wait for me, but when I'll feel prepared for it, if nothing else happens in the meantime in her love life I'll get back to her. It's not another girl and I told her that.

    She denied liking me, took down all the love quotes (which were about how she's waiting for smth important to happen and that she'll fight for it) and love songs from her Facebook. said it's only my imagination playing tricks on me, that I'm being subjective and refused to talk when I started asking about other signs I saw.

    Went to the seaside with a bigger group. She slept with some guy. Next day she was trying to get my attention and kept staring at me or looking my way. she started posting breakup songs again. it's been a month without contact. really hurt me for not wanting to say how she feels because I wanted to fight for this relationshipt and get it right.

    I'm caught in the middle here and don't know what to do. I kind of want to hear her SAY IT BACK because I know what I saw! I don't think really get my hopes high she'll admit it. I don't feel I have the power to try and open the subject once more and talk to her since she said I'm seeing things. PLUS she slept with the other guy for god sake. My mind is a mess right now. So it's going to be very hard if one of you two refuses to fight for it! I can't really say in which voting category I'm in.

    • first time she rejected me I just told her I'm feeling smth from her and asked if she's into me without saying I like her first :D. so...that's why I felt the need to actually tell her how I feel again...

    • Show All
    • hey I'm the guy with the really long post.

      1. what decision did you take (if any yet) ? keep us updated...

      2. that girl I was telling you about has her birthday next week. we had no contact whatsoever in one and a half months (keeps posting songs on fb). I still think at her sometimes. don't really want to be with her anymore tbh. but I'm thinking wether I should be polite to her. should I send her a message (would it be weird ?! ) or stick to the no contact ? really have no idea what to do...

    • Really sorry for not replying sooner. I was away for some time. I am pretty sure you have already made the decision regarding contacting her for her birthday. I would stick with being polite, so you should not send a message unless she sends one first. Not sure what else you could do...

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • It's not a question I could answer in the abstract. It depends very heavily on the nature of the barrier among other things. For example if one is married, mutual love is not enough of a reason for me to cheat. Some barriers can be overcome, some shouldn't be. One way to look at it is to consider the sacrifices that need to be made and think about how you would feel if you made those sacrifices and it didn't work out in the end. Would those sacrifices have been worth it for what time you did have together?

    • I understand your reasoning and yes it does depend on the situation...

      Hmm... good question. I have to really think about whether or not making sacrifices is worth it. Right now I believe that it is worth it, but I have to take my time and not rush into decisions.

    • I fully agree that this is not the sort of decision you want to rush.

    • And that is something I am not going to go against. My friendship with him is something special, and also something I should not risk throwing away for not being patient. I guess only time will tell.

      Thank you for you answer :)

  • A B C D E Id'e do all those, and confess my love for her.

  • If you love them and they love you, there shouldn't be anything you let keep you two from being in a relationship with each other. Family? F***them, let them get over it. Friends? F***them, let them get over it. Distance? Distance is not a big deal, sure it'd be hard, but it's still doable. Religious? Pathetic, no religion actually has a problem with dating another religion. It's only the idiots of the religion that harp on not dating outside your religion, etc.

    If there's real love you don't let that sh*t go. If you do, then you never truly loved them to begin with.

  • hi ! I'm the guy that asked you about wether I should send a Bday message or not. . . Promise I'll stop messaging but I need you to read it please. Best of luck with your situation...

    decided to send a msg. Beside the "happy birthday" I also wished her some other stuff. She wished me back which is a bit weird if you ask me (something behind it). Started using Y!M again (the only way we used to communicate over internet). She also posted "i will always carry you in my heart" on FB after a while. Didn't want to talk so I was always invisible on Y!M, she couldn't see me ON, so she stopped using it again. How do these things sound to you ?! These reactions now and the things she was posting on FB after the first rejection are more than a simple coincidence and it pisses me off... every single thing about how we interacted was changing the way she was "expressing" herself on FB. there is nothing clearer than THESE THINGS (and all the others) and yet she said no. So that's why I end up asking others and you ... I need someone telling me I'm not "just seeing things"...

    ...pisses me off and hurts because she didn't say it: YES you idiot I love(d) you. Instead she does this kind of stuff and I will never know. Now she took that quote off too... She left me hanging...

    Even had to leave the group because of her, though I didn't want to. Have no idea what to do next...

    • hello again :)

      umm yes the way you are seeing it, it isn't coincidental. It is pretty intentional. She wanted to send an indirect message with the quote and she was using Y!M so she can talk to you (it makes sense). She is probably wishing for some sort of relationship with a guy but with no commitment required (so a flirtationship). It depends on what you want to do... she clearly does not want "relationship" but is more than happy with a flirtationship. Would you be happy with just that?

    • What happened with you and your situation? Did it work out ? Only if you wanna talk about it, but I'm curious :D and probably in the back of my mind I need some stories with a happy ending

    • As to that "happy ending" I cannot provide one. He cares but it was not "love" for him. He just wanted a friend he could crush on. He now has a girlfriend that started in the summer (which I was not aware of). He is not my "love" anymore, so I am cool with it. The relationship in all honesty is a bit uncertain but it's clear we are friends, and that's that.

What Girls Said 5

  • Except in the case of the other person being married with kids... I'd do anything. Anything, if I truly love the person and he truly loves me back, nothing would be an impediment. Nothing.

    • I see. So you would not let that person go? No matter what?

    • Geographical, religious, ideological differences don't matter as long as he respects me as a human being. I`d have a hard time getting involved with any hardcore religious nut-head who can't respect me and tries to force his religion on me. Differences can be solved if both parties are willing to compromise but if I heard that someone was this or that religion it wouldn't change my mind until I get to know the person better.

    • Agreed and certainly respect and love is important and basic. :)

      OK thx!

  • Either B or C

  • i would leav ethe person, it would hurt a lot to stay near him.

  • you try to be apart since it will only hurt you

    • :/ but I do not want to start ignoring him. That would just hurt the both of us. :(

      Lol I think I am making this pretty difficult, aren't I?

    • Yes I think you are

  • It depends on the situation. I cared for a man very deeply but he was not from my religion. So he got away without committing because he wasn't from my religion so I didn't want to enter a relationship. But it really just let him use me. When there is a situation where the reason you can't be together won't change you need to break it off.

    • He is not from my religion either. *sad sigh*

      Hmm... well I believe he is not using me and I know that a friendship with him is worth it, even if a relationship will not happen...