How do I get my ex back? Please read. Please HELP!

The love of my life broke up with me 4 days ago. We were together 2.5 years. He said he felt smothered and that I caused drama and he doesn't want any in his life.

We had a solid relationship built on trust, love and respect. In the time we dated we only had about 5 tough fights (never name calling, anything physical; mostly raised voices). I'm a very emotional person, so that's why he thinks I create drama. Doesn't drama come with most girls?

I feel so lost. I didn't realize I was as needy or clingy as I was. I can change and work on my issues. He just wants to be single.

Note about him:

- we consider each other to be best friends

- he has cried twice since the breakup, once in front of me and once he told me about (he returned my things the night of the breakup, and later text me that he wished he kept the blanket. I dropped it off the next day and it made him emotional)

- he says he doesn't know what the future holds

- he hasn't met anyone else and doesn't want to date any girls anytime soon; he said he won't have a rebound

- he said he doesn't want to lose me completely (sex isn't even on the table for us, so it's not about that)

Do you think there is hope? Besides giving him space (not calling, texting or seeing him) what can I do to get him back? I'm afraid I lost him forever. I really need advice :(

Updates:
I spoke with my ex today. Come to find out I really stressed him out in addition to feeling smothered. I wish he would have talked to me sooner. He wants to be single for a while. He said he missed me, but I don't think it's enough to get him back :( I'm going to keep hoping, give him space and leave this in God's hands. I guess I really messed my relationship up :(
Thanks for all the comments. I spoke to him on the phone one final time. He told me he didn't feel I was his soul mate and that he doesn't think he was in love with me - THROUGH THE ENTIRE 2.5 YEARS! WTF... I'm pissed. I don't want him back. No contact, time to move on!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He does still have feelings for you so I don't think that you've lost him forever.

    What you need to do is give him space just like you're doing and not call or text him for at least 2 weeks until things have cooled down. When the time comes if he hasn't already contacted you, just start a normal conversation with him by asking how he has been and how things are going for him. If he starts to get emotional and starts to say that he misses you etc. be gentle but emotional as well. Let him know that you miss him too and gently ask him if he would like to give the relationship another chance. Let him call most of the shots though, that way he can't turn around and say that you're trying to smother him again.

    If he doesn't express feelings towards you when you contact him again the only thing for you to do is to lightly express those feelings towards him and see if he responds to them. Make it clear to him that you would like to start over completely and take things slowly again. It may take a few days to a two weeks or so to start a relationship with him again since I'm sure he will want to take some time to think about it first. Just don't pressure him, or sound desperate, that will only push him away further.

    In the meantime, keep yourself busy so you don't think about him as much. Take some me time and spoil yourself a little with a massage or something. :)

    I wish you the best of luck in this, with what you've said it does sound like after he gets some space for awhile that he will come back to you and you guys can start over again.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • You may have messed up your relationship but everybody deserves a second chance honey. If this man truly loved you and it is meant to be things will repair between the two of you and you will learn from your previous mistakes in the relationship so you won't repeat them. I would say pray, afterall God promised to give you your heart's desire if it is the right thing for you.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • One comment. Don't ever get back with an ex.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Giving the space is a good start. Consider it like this, if you're willing to change and he sees that, he might consider giving you another chance. You said he feels smothered. Maybe you should consider doing things to get him to realize that you aren't needy and clingy.

    But also consider the possibility that he may also want to be alone for a while.

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  • I'm so sorry for this. :( I really hope you start to feel better soon. You deserve a guy that will love you and consider you his soulmate. Cut off all contact with this a**hole and never speak to him again.

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  • I actually think you're doing the right thing by giving him space and just writing about your feelings like you are here. It's going to be tough but I'm sure you will pull through. As of now, you shouldn't worry about trying to "get him back". Just disappear for awhile.

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  • you should give him some space and then show him that you have changed and try to flirt with him

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