Why won't he let go of the past??

My now ex-boyfriend broke up with me. We argued because he can't let go of the past. Whenever we argue he brings up things from months ago even as far as 2 years back. In my opinion, that's starts arguments unnecessarily. I don't bring up the past because you can't change the past so why being it up, what will it change? I haven't spoken to him in a few days, any advice...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with you, re-hashing the past unnecessarily isn't healthy or effective. Sometimes people do that because they feel like the issue was never resolved and never got an answer or closure about it. But if you think that you've talked through it a million times before, then he probably feels a fake sense of safety or confidence by bringing you down and holding things over your head. That's just bad relationship behavior, but you can't fix it for him - he needs to figure out why he wants to be so resentful and work that out on his own. Maybe some time apart would be good for you, it doesn't mean that the relationship is a lost cause but it could help to give you both some perspective.

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    • Yeah he says he wasn't satisfied with my response but if he asks again, it'll be the same thing. I was telling the truth, I'm not going to make something up just to settle a dispute. I haven't cheated or anything just to let you know, it's just that I hate to keep talking about that stuff ya know. He has done some shifty sh!t in the past but I don't continue to bring it up. When I decided to stay with him, I left the past in the past. If I keep bringing it up, I'm sure he would get tired as week

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What Guys Said 3

  • I sense a HUGE red flag here. You seem to be hesitant to mention what exactly in your "past" he is referring to.

    What in your past does he bring up during arguments?

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    • I'm a very friendly person, I'm not disrespectful, but friendly. My ex didn't like it, but he still brings it up. I have friends that I see out and talk to, if I'm too friendly, he thinks I slept with these people. That's absolutely incorrect! I'm not going to keep talking about situations of my being over friendly 2 years later. It's ridiculous! Let it go! How do you move forward if you live in the past?

  • My advice. Move on. He's so insecure that a time where you were friendly with a friend 2 years ago was too much for him to handle.

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    • If on the other hand, 2 years ago you did cheat on him, he still has every right to be upset about it

    • I've never cheated on him, EVER...

  • He's a prisoner of the past.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Sounds like you f***ed up something fierce and seriously hurt him. So now instead of owning up to it and trying to truly fix it, you're blaming him for still being hurt.

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    • No I didn't f*** up all, read all the comments. I own up to EVERYTHING I do! The thing is when you're new in a relationship, you're learning your mate and what they don't like. I've made mistakes just like the next person but I've been loyal the whole time. So again, I didn't f*** up at all. Things happen and when you apologize, sincerely, what else can you do?

  • What is he bringing up?

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    • Please read the comment above. Thxs!

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    • Yeah, I've thought about that. He said F me and to live my life. He broke it off, not me. He's done this several times when he gets angry and I'm normally the one who tracks him down and apologizes even when I'm not wrong. I can't do that anymore, I didn't do anything wrong, I'm hurt because I've never cheated or even thought about it. I'm tired of defending myself when I didn't do anything wrong.

    • He sounds like a difficult person and I hope that you move on.

  • well he needs to change, he's jsut trying to be the one who is right and is in control.

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