Fell in love with a girl who was abused/raped by ex 4 years ago and she won't take step for our relationship

When you love someone, and have done everything good for them, proved to them you’re a good person and do a lot of them. However you can't be with them because they are scared so much because they have been abused with their past boyfriend of 4 years so its hard for them to take a step with me even though they know I'm not like that.

Basically I havn't even had a chance for the person I love, all because of someone who never truly loved them in the first place, abused, hit, hurt, ignored them etc

I still to this day have never met, spoken with this girl in almost 2 years, that's how scared she is of a relationship even though she does want to be with me she can't take that one step.

I'm more sorry and angry at the guy who abused this girl in the first place and ruined my chance.

I've only manage to talk to her online, she won’t use a phone as she fears she might get track by her ex, she won’t call me out of fear, she won’t allow me to call her, she won’t me met, all these things she wants to do but can't.

She tells me that I'm the only person she wants to be with and trust and loves but she can't make or take a step even when I’ve done all I can to understand what she went through.

I still talk to her online, and still care about her but after two years I just don't know anymore.

But I feel like I've failed as a, because I've never had a girlfriend and the first time I feel like I've found someone I really care about it feels like I can't have that chance because of someone else s crime.

For me it’s the never knowing that is the worst, but at least I was good to her but it still hurts everyday to know I will never get a chance.

I would like to hear from people who have gone through this kind of thing. Sorry if this was a little too long.
Updates:
Update: I've had to kind of move on and really tried to hold out and offer us a good chance but it never happened, I still talk to her and maybe one day who knows but, I have moved on and gone into dating meeting women for a while but nothing in terms of a relationship yet. She is aware of this and actually supports me. However at the sametime I still feel sad its like releasing the best thing you could ever have and now having to start over again after the effort etc.
Found out this person was a catfish this year and didn't have the guts to tell me the truth and instead left. Needless to say its one of the most messed up things I've ever had to come across in life. Which means she lied about everything.

Yes I was naive!
The world is a sick and messed up place

I have to move on and restart my life due to the years and time that has been wasted.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well I never wnet through the kind of thing where I was physically abused, but when someone so much as takes you for granted, it can leave scars. When someone mistreats you in any way, it can leave you scared for the next person, or if you give that same person another chance, it can leave you with side effects from the things that happened before, even if the person never mistreats you again, apart of you still expects them to behave the way they did, and you might have a lingering resentment for that person and if you haven't gotten over what that person did, it could make it bad for the next person that you are with in terms of building a relationship and it could make it bad for that same person if you're still with them and want to move on and build a new relationship, but ultimately, bad for yourself if you know you want to have something meaningful and you know you don't want the past to control you for the rest of your life. Time heals all wounds, ya know? When someone is emotionally scorned, it can take a long time to heal, depending on the damage that has been done. But if you really do care for this girl, don't lose hope, she just might find a way to you. She just has to get over the scars. Just reassure her that she has nothing to be afraid of and that you'll always be there for her no matter what. Some people are physically abused and they are afraid of boys, girls, or that makes them permiscuous, confused whatever. The bottom line is that the abuser is wrong. But I hope this helped. Good luck with everything. God bless. Peace :)

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What Girls Said 7

  • She needs to get herself together 1st before she can take you on genuinely and seriously. How unfair to you because you wanted something more, she probably should have let you know from the beginning but then again I understand why she didn't you cannot move forward if you continue to hold on to what's behind you. If you let go now you will have both hands open to grab a hold of the future

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  • Its easy for someone to latch on to someone else. It might be frustrating for you but she's being pretty clear with her boundaries. If you care about her id respect her limits and that she's not getting into a relationship before she's ready. That would just hurt you too. I've had a past similarrelationship and I've been having counselling for nearly 2 years and I won't see anyone until I can be more trusting because its not fair on them. People have tried to push me and I don't respect it. If she's been clear and its not a reflection on you, accept that its not about you, I hope this made sense.

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  • Dude, you have been chatting online for 2 years & you've NEVER met her or even TALKED to her on the phone? Have you at least video chatted so that you've seen her talking to you?

    Your whole description of her story seems so incredibly fabricated. She is afraid to talk on the phone?!?! I suspect you've fallen in love with some fat, hermit old man who has absolutely no friends whatsoever.

    Do right by yourself dude. Get out of this messed up situation. If you cannot be in a real relationship with a girl you can go out on dates with, watch a movie with, hold her hand, kiss her then you don't need it. Move on. As long as you tie your heart up into this fantasy girl then there is no room for new REAL & HEALTHY girl to come into your life.

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    • Nah she is real mate I wouldn't be asking the question if she was a fake, I've done my due diligence :), I've spoken to her but only once.

    • Just the same this is not a good situation for you. Take care of yourself and shoot for a girl who is emotionally healthy enough to see you in person. It is not your responsibility to fix this girl. She has to take the steps needed to heal herself. Sounds like she need professional help more than anything. You deserve to be with someone who is whole & complete. Holding onto her only keeps the right girl from coming into your life. There IS someone better for you out there.

  • Well all I can say is just put yourself in her place. She may take a long time to recover from that because that is very traumatizing. If you really love her you would wait for whenever she is ready.

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  • Don't push her people in general don't trust very easily but in her case it will take much longer so be patient if you want this to work out

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  • If you love her, just enjoy your time together, no expectations.

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    • I do but its hard when someone has a fear of meeting, even talking to someone they really care about and fear things can go wrong. When they won't even try or attempt its very hard.

  • well she won't be easy on that, if you want her you need to be really patient and don't push her.

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What Guys Said 2

  • She's been traumatized with her last relationship. The best way to resolve things is to find a new girl.

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  • Don't date damaged girls. You can't fix them.

    They need professional help before they are datable again.

    If she can't, hasn't, or won't get help - then she's permanently f***ed. Stay the hell away from her.

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    • you don't sound f***ed up at all.

    • Show All
    • The thing is I didn't know she was abused until after she didn't turn up for our date, would be very withdraw and sometimes quite cold. But I was not reactive and I have reminded her that there are real men in this world who actually know how to have a relationship with a women, and not abuse them but care.

      Damaged or not I would still keep on trying because she deserves a great person to be with.

      They need real men to show them love simple!

    • Very naive of you. She needs professional help to get over the trauma.

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