Need advice: should I move on or are we meant to be?

This is a long one but I desperately need advice from a guy...NINE years ago while I was a freshman and college, I started casually dating a guy who lived directly under my dorm rm. needless to say our relationship evolved quickly since we would spend every minute day and night together. We never became official, we were 'simply together but not together' friends w benefits, but I ended up falling in love. I never got the chance to tell him cause he moved away to another college. When he would come down he would always visit me. We kept in touch for awhile, then it kinda faded. Couple years passed and we ended up friends on MySpace and started talking again..lots of things had changed at this point, I was about to graduate college and he had jst became a father. The 'I miss u. I miss your voice. Etc etc' were exchanged as always and the calls came everyday, having all the feelings resuface. But we lost contact again, over the years we will go lk 6 mths without talking then we pop back in each others lives. Things got hot and heavy about a year after I finished school, I had jst had a baby wen he came back in my life. I was in a relationship but wasn't happy and he wanted nothing more then to b with me. Long story short, we had a long distance thing for a yr. he would visit but not often Because we both worked a lot. He asked me to move but w a new baby I chickened out. I was afraid of the move and being without my family. He couldn't move back down here Because of wrk..& he eventually broke it off. I fought hard but it was too late. We lost contact again for about 6 mths of course we've both continued to date other ppl, but for sum reason the world always pushes us together. We can go mths without talking but we always pick up right where we left off. We make it a point to keep one another updated on phone number changes and all that. We've jst been playing this seraide for so long, I don't know what to think. He truly is the love of my life. I can't picture my life without him in it. Now here's the current status: I am living w my bby daddy trying to do what's in the best interest of my child. He is living w his bby mama doing the exact same thing as me. Yet, we recently reconnected. We text and say we miss one another. Yes, a part of me is happy and my relationship but a part of me can't let him go. I love him. I know as your reading this, it's easy to judge and call me every ugly name in the book, but I truly am not any of those things. And to prove it, I will tell all these years, we hv NOT had sex since this isn't about the sex! This is so much more then that. What does this mean? What should I do? I'm so heartbroken Because I would love to be the one to make him happy. And he says the same to me. I've given up completely on marriage Because in all honesty he is the only person I would ever want to marry, and if it isn't him, I'd rather not marry. Ugh please help w honest advice. And please please spare me the mean insensitive words, Because I really prefer not to hear it. Thnx


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What Guys Said 2

  • A big thing to keep in mind, if he relocated to you he would loose contact with his child. Because almost always the mother keeps custody. On the flip side, if you relocated then your child would loose contact with their father.

    Really there is no win-win situation. It's important for your child that you are happy and that you have a good home life that is honest.

  • This is a difficult situation for sure, especially since kids are involved on both sides. On the one hand, neither of you would be doing your children any favors by taking them away from their other parent, but on the other hand, should you both have to sacrifice your happiness? Are the two of you really meant to be with each other? Or are you both meant for other people, that are neither each other nor your children's parents? A lot of difficult questions here, and I'm really not sure that I have the answer. I think the children should be your top priority. Is it possible for the two of you to both live near the other parents and each other, so that the kids can still have visitation rights with their other parents, while you two can be together? If not, I honestly think you'd be better off letting him go. Who knows, maybe you'd be able to rekindle your spark later in life once the kids are grown up and no longer in the picture. I hope I was able to help, but if I wasn't, at least know that I'll say a prayer for you.

    • Thnx for answering...and yes, the children are now our main priority. I wouldn't want to do anything to ruin my child's experience (as I grew up a child of divorce, myself...). But to answer your question, there is 4-5 hour difference in distance, so either way one child would b on the losing side of the stick, so to speak. I've told him before I can't imagine being another 8/9 years down the line and still so In love w him. He says the only reason we aren't together is the distance

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