My boyfriend didn't want a serious relationship because we were different races

I recently found out that my ex didn't want to be in a serious relationship with me because I'm not the same race as him (he's Asian, and I'm white). I was so shocked and hurt. We even lived together for eight months before breaking up. I had felt like we were in a serious relationship. We broke up because I was moving away to finish school and I said that a long-distance relationship would be too difficult, but really I had a feeling he didn't want to be together anymore. The worst part was that I had been somewhat self-conscious of the fact that we were from very different cultures (he's not born in America) because our roommate (who is Asian), cooked a lot and she would joke that I wasn't able to cook because I'm white/American. And one time my boyfriend and I overheard an Indian guy and a white guy talking about how white girls are only good for dating, not marrying, and I got kind of pissed and he "jokingly" said it was true. Part of me always worried that he didn't think I was good enough for him because we didn't have the same background, but to find out he really did feel that way..He had told me his mom wouldn't be happy about him dating someone who's not Asian, so I thought that's why he never told his family about me (we live in a different state from his family, and also my Asian roommate's boyfriend/almost fiance is black and she said she wasn't going to tell her parents about him until they were officially engaged, so I thought it was "normal"). But then I found out his family and the entire community where we're from knows about his brother's white girlfriend, so really he was the one with the problem. It took his friend telling me for it to really sink in, though. I know other people must have gone through this kind of thing before? Share your story and make me feel less pathetic please?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I've never dated interracially, but I'll still add my 2 cents.

    I feel like he shouldn't have lived with you if he felt that way, but he may have still not thought you were "serious" even though most people would take living together as "serious".

    I would just offer the advise to discuss this type stuff early on if you plan on dating interracially in the future where marriage is desired or possible.

    Obviously you guys just want different things & that's OK. Hopefully you will both find the right fit for yourselves--hopefully without the misunderstandings or misleading as with your past.


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What Guys Said 1

  • If you want to think of a long term relationship, better end it now with him and save your time and resources.

    • We're not together anymore. We broke up two months ago.

What Girls Said 1

  • i'm Asian but I disagree with your boyfriend... I know some of our guys here in our country that are married to "whites" and there's nothing wrong with them...this just shows that your boyfriend and his family are old-fashioned and judgemental. cheer up, he's not worth your time girl.. you can find someone who will love you regardless of your race and when you look back, you'll laugh at this chapter of your life ;p


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