I know I will feel bad for cheating on him but he wasn't there when I needed him, so its ultimately his fault. I told him not to join the Army too...
Is this wrong?
Most Helpful Guy
No, it's not wrong.
There isn't any such thing as "right" or "wrong." When you married your husband, you promised certain things to him. He promised things to you, too. If you feel that the marital obligations aren't being met, then you have to make the tough choice to file for divorce.
If you had told your husband, "if you join the army, don't be surprised if I get my sexual needs satisfied while you're gone," and he joined anyway, then he would have to accept the consequences.
As it stands, you're seeking to externalize responsibility for your own actions. If you sleep with your husband's brother, he WILL find out, and it WILL be absolutely DEVASTATING to him. You will effectively rip his life apart at a time when he needs extra support just to avoid PTSD.
Satisfy your sexual needs without bringing anyone else into the picture, and please don't ask your husband about an "open relationship" over Skype or email unless you've talked to him before, seriously, about swinging. Otherwise, you'll be taking him for a horrible, psychologically nightmarish ride - he will suspect you're cheating anyway if you bring up the subject. You can ask him IN PERSON when he is on leave.
If all else fails, you need to tell him the marriage isn't working for you because of his time away. That is a valid reason, and there's no need to be ashamed of that. There's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do.
What most people find morally reprehensible is the lie you would create by having sex outside your marriage.
You should make it clear that you can't tolerate his prolonged absences and make a clean break before moving on to another partner. Failing that... you better make damned sure he never finds out. I mean like burning the sheets sure. Your husband kills people for a living - think about it.