Yesterday was the second, because I made a list (so I could remember, cause I often get frazzled with confrontation) about insulting things he's said to me the past week, which confused me because I just go back form vacation and I thought he missed me. To me, he seemed to speak in all seriousness, plus they're not the kind of things you joke about (like my body and how I did in university) but during our argument he said he was just joking, that I was so sensitive and didn't understand him. I said that was the point of the discussion, so that I could understand. He didn't seem to like me challenging him or basically telling him he did somethings wrong ie hurt my feelings / insulted me.
He said that not a great speaker of English and sometimes says things he doesn't know are hurtful or wrong. I don't get how because he's been speaking English for 5 years, works in a constantly speaking English environment and had a girlfriend for 4 years, lived with her for 3. He said that she would tell him when he said something wrong in a gentle way like 'darling, you can't say something like that' ect. But he clearly never insulted her body (or she took it lightly, was an angel, what the f*ck ever)
He kept mentioning all the good stuff while I said I know about all of that, but I'm trying to discuss the bad. He hates conflict but blames it all on me. I thought couples were supposed to discuss problems when they really mattered, especially since we're just learning each other (it's only been 5 months!) Even if the attraction to him is strong and we're committed, my point to him was that I still don't know him very well.
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It sounds like he speaks English just fine, but he does not communicate well.
When someone sits down to talk to you about something that's bothering them, one should listen and not be defensive. The fact that he's not really hearing what you're saying and it hadn't even been a half of a year, might be an indication that you may wish to find another boyfriend.
I know that may seem like I'm suggesting that you give up before you really try, but he's really not trying and it's still somewhat early in the relationship. If he's not making an effort now, what's he going to be like in a year?
You tried to talk to him because things he was saying hurt you. Whether it was a joke or not, it did hurt you. Any guy who doesn't know that making cracks about a woman's body is a foolish thing to do, isn't showing much respect or consideration. You're also right that if he missed you, he should have at least told you so and not made you feel like crap when you got back.
Turning it around on you just shows that he's likely to be on of those guys, after he starts showing his true colors, who are abusive and then blame their victim.
As much as I hate to say this, I'm not seeing a bright future for the two of you from what you've said.