Do I still have a shot at getting my ex-gf back?

So short story my ex broke up with me a year ago. We didn't talk or hang for a month. She called me out of the blue. We slowly talked and eventually started hanging out. During this time she would act very loving and then bitter. I made it a point not to initiate any physical actions (sex). In January we started having sex again. Now, she never had a high sex drive. Which is okay with me. We had sex roughly the same amount as when we were dating roughly 2-8 times a month. Now, as of June I stopped the sex. I guess I am growing up and want more than that. Also, throughout this whole time we have talked every day usually multiple times per day. When we are out together she often holds on to me. She also flirts with me by calling me little pet names and wearing outfits I like. Also, she started crying last weekend about the thought of losing me if we start dating other people. I took that last part as she's ready to move on. However, a few days later she got really jealous that I was hanging out with another female friend.

Also, she does call/text constantly through out the day. She calls me when she's running errands, when she wakes up, when she's sad, about to go to bed, bored, etc. She also makes an effort to come up to my house every week which is about 2 hours roundtrip. Also, I've been on a lot of dates and none of them have panned out. I don't believe in gd but I think it's a sign to focus on her and not d*** around. However, whenever I bring up getting back together she tells me that she can't handle a relationship right now because she is overwhelmed with school and the fact that she feels inferior because she doesn't have a career. Mind you I am 3 years older, successful, and she often feels the need to make EVERYTHING a competition.

I gave myself until the December 31st to get back together. I figure on that day I will make one last effort to have an us and if it doesn't pan I will go about removing her from my life. I love her, I really do. I am there for her more than I probably should be. I'd walk through hell for her. I praise her, encourage her, and love her despite her pitfalls. We have a great connection, deep understanding for one another, and just a true love for each other. She's on anti-depressants, comes from a family that lacks love, and second guesses EVERYTHING. Well, sorry for the rambling but hope someone can give me some pointers or something.

Thank you!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't get back with her. But I know you won't listen. You'll need to learn the hard way.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Just ask her already

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    • Well, I would but she's pretty adamant that she isn't ready for a relationship but ever time I back off she calls begging and begging and becomes extra flirty.

    • Women eh?

    • yep... lol... I don't wanna give up on her but at the same time I feel like if she loved me why test me or do what she does?

What Guys Said 1

  • Reality check: you two ARE together.

    Just because you're not making it official, doesn't mean you're not in a relationship with this woman. It seems like you're doing all the things a normal couple would do - or rather, you're putting up with a lot of her sh*t in exchange for sex up to two times a week and as little as twice a month.

    It's actually an "open" relationship - only the door doesn't swing both ways. Are you "open" to seeing other people? Not in her books. She wants to keep you around as a safety option, buddy. You're a good catch, and she knows it - which is why she's stringing you along until she finds someone better or finally decides to settle for you.

    If you're acting like a couple in public and in private, then why is she coming up with excuses about not being able to "handle" a relationship? She's spending all this time with you anyway, what more is there to "handle?" This is a huge red flag, my friend. She should be all over you like white on rice.

    Give her what she needs - if she says she doesn't need a relationship right now, then end this farce, for your sake and hers. I doubt that her career will solve her inferiority complex, because she'll just find another thing to compare against you. You shouldn't have to battle and compete on everything. I say, drop her like a bad habit.

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    • Yeah, I'm starting to not cave in and return her flirts and sh*t. Next week she's coming up to my beach house for the weekend as are my family and friends but she's hinted to staying after. Even though I want her to I told her last night that I won't be there as I have clients to see and so forth.

      Also, she goes out with her friends $ calls me EVERY TIME as she leaves the bar/club. Calls me after classes. The signs are there she just is trying to ignore it. Also, her mom hates me cause I'm big

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    • I personally think she calls me afterward because she didn't meet anyone that she had that connection with. Her and I literally met and it was like a rush of blood. Just instant. We clicked on that deep level quick. Our first phone convo was 2.5 hours. We started off just with no barriers nothing. But yeah I think she calls me and tries to stay close cause she knows I'm a great guy but she wants her mom happy but knows how I guess special I am. She doesn't want to lose me till she meets another

    • Aw man, you're selling yourself short... what you had at the beginning was what it was, and now it's different. "she knows I'm a great guy... [and] how I guess special I am. She doesn't want to lose me till she meets another" - total contradiction right there. Get a grip, she's playing with your emotions.

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