What should I do in this situation? What is he thinking?

The guy I'm with is hot and cold with me. I'm in love with him, but sometimes I feel like I'm giving more than I'm getting and I feel like this relationship is sometimes two sided. We've been together off and on since March. I'm the one that usually caues the off periods.

When he goes through things, he shuts me out and becomes short with me. I stick around and take it for a while, hoping he will get a control over what he is feeling and come talk to me. He never does that. He has apologized twice now after I broke things off, saying that I'm always there for him when he is going through something, he will talk to me more and stop taking things out on me and that he wrong. That he loves me and plenty of other words that automatically gets me taking him back.

About a month ago, I completely went off on him. I felt like he was brushing my emotions under the rug, that he never cared about what I was feeling enough to talk to me about it, and that he wasn't putting in work into our relationship. A lack of communication and not from lack of trying on my part, but he says I'm pressuring him? Anyway, I said some things that had potential to hurt his feelings so I cooled down for a week and apologized. He accepted and we started talking for a few days as friends. Then he started ignoring my texts and calls so I said okay. Time to move on with my life. I tried. Three weeks went by without me texting, calling, I'm ing or anything. It was hard but it got better.

Then two days ago, he texts me. Saying hey asking me if I was still his girl and I responded that I was my girl. He knows how to get what he wants and some of the things he said made me feel like he was still selfish and self entitled. Then yesterday, I text and ask what made him text and he said he didn't know. I asked if he regretted texting and he said he for sure did not regret it. Today I text and he doesn't even respond. At this point, I know I would take him back in a heartbeat. I love him. I feel like he opened old cans of worms and now I can't stop thinking about him.

Guys, what is he thinking? Is he playing with me? Does he really care about me? I feel like I need him, but at the same time I don't want to need him or want him. Did I not make him chase long enough? (we first got together in two days of talking, not sex, I'm a virgin...) What do I need to do? Make him work harder? Tell him how much he can hurt me, how much he has hurt me? (he knows he has hurt me before)...


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What Guys Said 1

  • I can't know what he's thinking. But I don't get the sense that he's consciously playing or manipulating you. Some guys really can't open up in the way that you want. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you or he intends to hurt you. That's the good news. The bad news is that this is not likely to change. At least you won't be able to change him. It is probably more than just a phase or a difficult time. If he hasn't opened up much in this time, he may never do so. If you decide to stay with him, you need to alter your expectations about this part of your relationship. If you feel you need someone who can be more open with you, that's understandable too.


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