Taking a break in a relationship, does it work or not.

Me and my boyfriend have been going through some issues lately and I was thinking of putting forth the idea of taking a break but I'm just so worried that hell get upset with me for even mentioning we should that I don't want to talk to him about it. The thing is tho I also don't even know if it would help anything. We don't ever really fight but we hardly ever see each other. I feel like taking a break at least til he's done with school might help that. I know it's hard for him to try to balance me and school and I don't want to pretend I'm more important because I'm not.

Also I just feel like personally I need more expiernce in dating before I commit to someone fully. He's only my second boyfriend and I just feel like I'm awful at being a girlfriend. We don't do stuff as often as we should and its always a hassle because he tries to do pre game stuff and I just don't know what I like. Although other than the pre game issue that time is good so I guess that can be solved by me simply helping myself per say but I even hate doing that.

But in the same respect I'm crazy about the kid. He treats me amazingly and frankly is one of the best things to happen to me. So I don't want to leave him and throw away our two years together for Nothing.

But he deserves better and (ill be selfish and say) I deserve better, in the respect that we never really have time to devote to each other. And we aren't very affectionate couple emotionally or physically

BUT again I don't want to throw this away for nothing. What if he finds someone else? Or I find someone else? Or he gets pissed at me for even suggesting and we just flat out break up.

As you can see I'm very on the fence about this and I want to make the right decision I just don't know what that is. Please help, if you can. Thanks.

Sorry for the silly references to sex. Gag wouldn't let me post because I'm not level 3
Oh also he has a pretty self loathing attitude and after a talk yesterday he pretty much said it will never change. I upset him yesterday with what I said so I don't want to make things worse by suggesting a break. But I also don't want to eventually resent him for that attitude and his inability and seemingly unwillingness to change despite how much I told him it hurts my feelings ( he says things a lot like "why are you with me" "you can do better" "I'm so ugly" blah blah blah )


Most Helpful Guy

  • To answer your main question directly I'll say that taking a break seldom works out. It's almost always (not always) is used as a way of breaking up without actually saying, "let's break up!" Both parties can save face that way. I can see why you think that breaking up would be throwing away your two years together for nothing. But that's not correct thinking because it's the present that's important because the past is only history, and those two years you did get something good out of it. You got some enjoyment and you got some experience with a boyfriend that wasn't overly attentive to you. It wasn't for nothing. But to get down to the facts, the key to your relationship is in what you said here, "And we aren't a very affectionate couple emotionally or physically." If you're not involved with him emotionally nor physically then you really have nothing. Those are the only two ways people can connect with each other... emotionally being the most important. He doesn't actually have time for you, and I think you're right in what you said here, "Also I just feel like personally I need more experience in dating before I commit to someone fully." If he has a self loathing attitude plus he said his situation/attitude will never change, well then if you stay with him you have a boyfriend that doesn't really care if he stays with you or not. So I say you can do much better by taking the break and not caring if he likes it or not! He'll either make a big effort to change more favorably towards you or he'll more further apart. Don't worry if he gets pissed for suggesting it because if he does that means he knows he's to blame. If he doesn't so something about it that means he doesn't care! Don't feel that just because you've been with him for 2 years you have to stay another 2 years to find out how bad things really get. I don't know how you can say all you did, yet say he treats you amazing and is the best thing that ever happened to you. He either treats you great or he doesn't. Right now it seems like he's treating you horribly. You need a boyfriend that's consistent. Someone that treats you amazing all the time. Suggest the break because if he really likes you and wants to stay with you he'll be quick to say he'll start being more the kind of boyfriend you want and need and will start making much more effort to be with you. He needs to talk positive to you in a way that you can clearly understand. Not in riddles. We each are responsible for our own lives and have to make the necessary changes in what we do and in what we allow other to do to us whenever we run into a road block or detour in our relationships with people. If you want to be happy in the future then decide what you have to change and what you have to do, and then do it now without hesitation! Don't put all your faith, happiness, time, effort and future in his hands. Keep control of all that in your own hands. Good luck!


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What Guys Said 1

  • Going on a break is going to seem like an easy way to say break up. If you do it, don't expect him to just come back to you when you decide your ready again.

    Relationships are about working through these type of things. If e person is worth it, you don't just quit when it gets tough. Temporary breaks never work


What Girls Said 2

  • It really just depends on the relationship and the people involved. People who are married go through separations to be reunited again later and the separation never had a bad impact on their marriage and in most cases actually helped the marriage survive. And we'll you're not married so it may be different. From what I'm reading it looks as though the relationship is in its finality for now. That's not saying you guys won't see each other later on down the line and hit it off. It seems as if you guys are tying way too damn hard at trying to make it work. Stop trying so hard. And for the love of god work on yourself. Figure out what you want out of life.. You may come to realize that you don't even really like him all that much.

  • I'd suggest not " taking a break' in the traditional sense but maybe distancing things for a while