Should I try with her?

So I'm 17. Single mom did drugs until I was 13 when she was told that if she kept going she would die by the doctors. So she wasn't there for me and my sister when she was on drugs and she really isn't here now. She works from one - 10 so I barely see her since I'm still in high school. She is selfish. Examples: she says she doesn't have any money to get me private lessons which I got a super deal for just $10 an hour for viola lessons. They are usually 80 and up. But she goes shopping for herself at macys whenever she feels like it.

Another thing, she is with a man that used to hit her way back when they were together before I was born. I don't like him. She says he's changed. Anyway, I've been super hungry today because there is absolutely no breakfast food in the house. She doesn't like when we eat dinner food for breakfast. He little boyfriend called and she went out to buy breakfast food that she cooked. She gave me the burnt toast By the way. -_-

Anyway, I'm not happy, its really hard for me to be but my counselor suggested trying to forgive her for everything. How do you forgive someone who just keeps f***in up? When I try to spend time with her, she makes other plans or invites her friends... Wtf? Should I just stop trying?im not affectionate and I don't like sharing my emotions but I'm trying to let her know how I feel. She says we try to make her feel guilty whenever I try to talk to her. Another year and I will be out of here and headed to college. So, thoughts?

Please say why if you answer the poll
  • Keep trying to mend the relationship
    Vote A
  • Give up and wait it out
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • The "forgiving" part is more about letting go of the hatred or despise so it doesn't consume you. You have a right to be angry and resentful. No one should try to deny you that. Just do not let it swallow you alive.

    It is sad you have been exposed to all this at such a young age, but now you know enough about her to realize that you must begin changing your expectations of her. Yes, she should be more involved and more caring, and you have the right to expect that. But if you expect it and she doesn't deliver then you end-up disappointed. Here's a saying I sometimes go by: "Have no expectations and you won't be disappointed."

    With that said, keep her in your life. Just do not let her be the cause of anymore let-downs for you.

    The fact that you're going to college says much about you. That's a smart move. I do not know what you're going to study, but here are two bits of advice: 1> get a useful (marketable) degree. In other words, get a degree that will actually get you a lucrative (well paying) career., 2> Do not go into debt TOO deeply to it, if at all. A local community college subsidized by the state is as good as any for the purposes of getting an education.

    Let me know if you have any questions. Otherwise, good luck to you.

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    • Im sure there is nothing wrong with community college but that just not where I want to be with my 4.0 and its definitely not impressive when trying to get into vet school. Thanks for the advice by the way :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • I say give up and leave her. She's not a mom, she's a parasite. She's a parasite to society and she'll be a parasite to you if you don't drop her ass as soon as you're able to go off on your own. Just take her stupidity as a life lesson and be a better person. If she tries getting back in your life, just keep her out. She's not worth it. And the only reason I see her coming back would be to make herself feel better, not you or for any real relationship.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Forgiveness is very important. It's not for the person it's for YOU. I understand how you feel and you have every right to feel the way you do; it's all valid. But in order for you to move on in a positive productive way, forgiving her is what you should do for you. Being a single parent myself I can tell you it's HARD. Some parents don't know how to be alone and they focus on things like partying or there boyfriends/girlfriends etc.. Instead of there children that should be there number one priority. That certainly doesn't mean there bad; just that there priorities are messed up. The thing is YOU cannot change them; instead focus on YOU. I don't know how old you are but you have a good head on your shoulders so focus on making you being the best you can be. If your old enough to get a part job, get one, this way you can have your own spending money to buy small things or even food; maybe even pay for your lessons. I know you want your Mom to change her ways but that may never happen. Think of things differently, at least she's trying. And your not in some foster home or some place worse. Those places are horrible and can be a nightmare! What I'm saying is; as bad as it may seem it could be a LOT worse. You have a roof over your head, your safe, so don't sweat the small stuff. Continue with your education before you know it you'll be in college. So focus on getting there. Put all negative energy surrounding you and turn it into something beautiful and positive. You've made it this far and your doing great, so don't let any minor speed bumps get in your way. Keep moving forward and put the rest behind you, carrying a baggage full of resentment will only hold you back. And you don't want ANYTHING or ANYONE holding you back from achieving your goals. Your counselor is 100% correct, forgive your Mom and move on. Your a great girl and you should be very proud of yourself. Wishing you and your Mom all the best.

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