How do I get my ex back? Please help!!

My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago. He initiated the break up by saying he felt he wasn't ready for a relationship and that he felt he couldn't make me happy when he couldn't make himself happy. I have a feeling he is depressed because he is out of a 5 year relationship as of February. We were together 3 months. Anyways, I asked him if he wanted to break up and he didn't know, but he kept saying things like that over a week's time, so I ended things. I didn't want to, but I felt forced to by him.

There was nothing wrong with our relationship. He even said it was the best he has ever had and he has never had someone care about him as much as I did.

Since the break up, he has been texting me about every other day. I was letting him initiate things. I slowly began to text him too. We spoke on the phone for the first time last week and he said he wanted to talk about things and possibly swing by to do so. The next day he basically fell off the face of the earth. He has been really distant this past week and I've only heard from him twice. One time he was mad at me because he thought I was talking to his mom.

After the break up, his mom said she would be there for support if I ever needed someone to talk to. So I took her up on that offer and we were messaging on Facebook quite often. Nothing bad was said and you could clearly tell that I was upset about the break up and that we both cared about him.

Well my ex began to use his mom's laptop this past week, and we think that he may have seen the conversation between his mom and I. We are not sure how much he has seen or knows. But he has been acting really mean towards his mom and distant towards me.

I haven't texted him the past couple of days to give him space, but I am so afraid that by me talking with his mom has ruined our chances of getting back together.

What should I do? How do I win my ex back after this mess?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • well you or the mother should've discussed what would happen in the even the guy found out you two were talking. It actually seems rather irresponsible for him mom to behave this way. It's nice (and special) that she feels so close to you that she'd want to help. But as the guy I understand his sense of betrayment finding out his mother is kind of (on both sides). The mom probably should've let the guy know, or known better than get involved.

    I think you need to talk to the guy about what you and the mother were talking about. He probably feels like stuff is going on behind his back and is feeling betrayed or possibly like he may being manipulated. I would just explain your reasons for communicating with his mother

    typically once a relationship is over it's over (like probably 70% of teh time). However it did seem like he was moving towards getting back together. However it does seem like hearing about his mother's involvement has probably blurred his feelings.

    An apology and explanation would help things. Perhaps he could understand you and the mother's motives if you explained. Or he could just feel to angry and betrayed

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    • Yeah, you are right. I had no idea that it would be a bad thing if he found out. It was mostly just her asking how I was, I told her how I was and said things like, "I wonder what's going through his head" and she freely offered information on how he's been, what he's been doing etc. BUT, I'm not sure if he saw the actual message or if he just has his suspicions. We have already broken up for the same reason before and got back together. There is just something so magnetic about this man.

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    • How are you so sure he still has feelings for me? He has barely talked to me the past week :( Doesn't that mean he is pulling away?

    • but he was talking to you prior to finding out about the convos with the mom, and seemed to obviously still care for you. if he had no feelings he would have just sort of no worried about it. He's pulled away a bit but I think it's because he's probably feeling a little hurt that he felt like stuff was going on behind his back

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What Guys Said 8

  • He won't hate you forever because of your talking with his mom. Just give him a few days and get back in touch with him. Explain that his mom was on your side...I think he'll get over being angry about it soon enough! But don't get into arguments about it. If he's still mad, back away from the whole subject asap and give it more time!

    I still think you'll soon be back together.

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    • Well that's part of it... I'm not sure how much I need to explain (or if I should even explain at all) because I'm not sure how much he knows and I don't want to tell him if he doesn't already know because I know he won't understand why I was talking to his mom. He's the kind of guy that has a little bit of a temper and doesn't like his private life out there. He has complained about his mom getting too much into his life before

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    • Yes, in this situation he won't have difficulty in putting the episode with Mom behind him! Just keep in touch and let him get over it.

    • "Long time no see...Newman" -- Seinfeld

  • First of all, he's not really your "ex" if you guys hadn't started a relationship yet. Basically, this guy is straight up playing head games, one minute, he says he cares about you and wants to give things a try, next minute, he says he can't be in a relationship, next minute he wants to come back, next minute he falls off the face of the earth, perhaps, he is just trying to keep you intrigued so that you always come back to him, maybe he's got insecurities, your best bet is to shoot straight, have an honest talk with him telling him that you don't like these stupid games and if he pulls this crap next time, you WILL leave him and never speak to him again. And then stay true to your word, you deserve better, you seem like the normal one in this situation.

    hey can you check out 2 songs for me on YouTube? Inbox me for details.

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    • No we were in a relationship... we called each other bf/gf, I met his family, and it was official on Facebook. But you are right, he was hot and cold a lot of the time, and I think that was due to his insecurities.

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    • My response wasn't to you... it was to that other guy. I know I'm not the rebound because he slept with a girl before me. He wanted to start a relationship with me. I don't know how to put it into words, but I know I wasn't just a rebound.

    • Okay, but can you check out two songs on YouTube? inbox me for details

  • You don't get back together. Move on, and go to no-contact with him or his family.

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    • You've mostly commented on most of the questions regarding this situation so I feel you know the situation pretty well. Why do you say that?

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    • That is true, thanks for giving me a different perspective to think about. I'm the kind of person so caught up in what I can do for others, that I sometimes forget about my happiness.

    • Cheers to that!

  • You need to pull yourself out of this quicksand rather than flail around in it, otherwise you're going to sink like a rock.

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  • Seriously please get over it he's your Ex move on sounds like tough advice, but hey that's life. You may call me every name in the book and may even hate my guts. And you did say you ended it after all and besides your a cute girl you'll bounce back.

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  • Just support him and give him some space. He sounds like he's been in a bad place and may still be. If he felt like he needed to end things, there was a reason why

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    • That's what I'm trying to do, but it's hard to give him space (I haven't texted him in 3 days) and also be supportive... it's like they are opposites.

    • Just let him know you are there for him and maybe see how he's doing once a week. He'll know you're thinking of him and will engage you more if he needs to

  • Not exactly sure of the dynamic between you, him and his mom but that seems like a bad idea. Depending on the conversation, he probably feels you and his mom are teaming up on him. Most guys don't appreciate their personal problems being talked about openly like that. I wouldn't talk to her about this issue anymore till he cools down. Also, by depressed do you mean he has a medical condition or is he just feeling down lately? Need more specifics but it sounds like you might have been a rebound relationship. I was with a girl for 5 years and split and it took me almost two years before I finally stopped thinking about her. The last thing I was ready for was another serious relationship.

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    • Medical condition... I'm a psychology major and he was showing all of the major symptoms. His mom even had her suspicions. If I was just a rebound, then why did he introduce me to his family and such? He was 'dating' a girl before me and she was the true rebound. I understand you can have more than one rebound, but I think he genuinely cared and wanted to be with me. His mom said that he has only brought home 3 girls... his high school girlfriend, his ex of 5 years, and me. That says something.

  • Look, lets be real here. Once an ex, always. He hurt your feelings, why the heck would you want him in your life? Is your esteem low? BTW, your a really cute girl, I'd date ya!

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    • I see where you're going with that, and believe me, that is the other half of this war going on inside my head. But I am also a psychology major so I can understand what he is going through, and I know he is not in his right state of mind. He actually broke up with me for the same exact reason 2 months ago, and we got back together immediately so it really wasn't a break up. I think this time, he just needs more space.

    • If you're a psychology major I think you are better equipped to handle this situation more than anyone else...

    • Not really... I am in this situation so I am unable to give myself objective advice. That is why I'm on here asking questions.

What Girls Said 2

  • Try not to think of it as a game to trying to win him back. Everyday make it a commitment to yourself to heal yourself and everything will work out just fine.

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  • I've learned the hard way the more you try to get a guy back and be there when he says he needs "space" the more you push him away. I'd love to tell you I understand guys but I don't, I can only speak from my experiences :/

    I have found that guys, unlike girls, are really simplistic if they want to do something they do it and if they don't want to do something the don't do it. If you and I are feeling stressed, as girls we are going to talk about it and even if we want space we are most likely not going to push important people out of our lives, guys can be the exact opposite. It makes no sense, but I've seen guys do it time and time again.

    Personally I think your best bet is to ignore him (as hard and painful as that might be) and I don't mean in a passive aggressive cold shoulder way, but basically chill and let him come to you. The more you push the more he's going to run...it happens that way every time.

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    • Yeah, that's what I've been doing... I haven't texted him in 3 days. The last time we talked was Thursday (and that was after he kinda accused me of talking with his mom) so he's not completely mad to not respond, ya know? We are still Facebook friends and I am not even going to post the next couple of days so that he REALLY doesn't know what I'm up to or what's going through my head. Hopefully he'll reach out soon.

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