A few months back, everything was going great. I had a boyfriend I'd been with for 2 years, I had a part-time job that was helping me pay for my degree (distance learning so I'm not on campus anywhere and study online), I was doing the degree with the intention of becoming a teacher, me and boyfriend had a plan for the next few years with regards to moving in together, getting engaged, etc. I couldn't have felt happier.
But now its entirely different...
Me and my boyfriend broke up barely two weeks ago. Things had been deteriorating slowly over the last month or two and we had to accept that we are now very different people compared to when we first got together and as much as being together is what helped us both grow as individuals (cheesy but true), we ended up growing in complete opposite directions. Even if it was mutual, it didn't make it easier because I still loved him and he was the one that was withdrawing from me. But recently I've been wondering how much I actually loved him. I'm not sure if I actually deluded myself into thinking it was love when really I was just lonely and scared to end up alone again so tricked myself.
To make matters worse, I lost my job two days ago. It really sucks that I lost it over something really petty as well. Now I don't have an income for my degree. I have a lot in my savings to last me a while but the job situation is so rubbish I don't know when I might get another job (I was unemployed for nearly a year before I got the job I just lost so it doesn't bode well but I'm living at home still so less to worry about financially).
In the space of 2 weeks, my life has fallen apart. I feel completely lost. I'm confused about whether my relationship was actually a lie to myself, but at the same time I feel lonely and feel like I need my boyfriend back for support. I am trying to avoid contact though as I know its the best thing to do (and he doesn't want contact with me for a while either) and I do have friends and family for support, but I just don't open up to them as much as would my boyfriend because of anxiety and trust issues I have (which have also taken a hit with everything else going on).
I want to get back into photography, a hobby I enjoy. I want to become healthier and workout a bit. I want to redecorate my room. Problem is, I feel so lost and lethargic I can't motivate myself to do anything. Its difficult to even carry on with studying and don't know if I want to do it anymore. I feel like giving up because my life rapidly went from perfect to hell. I feel overwhelmed. I know I need to sort things out and its a chance to make myself a better, more independent and happy "me" (again, cheesy but true). I just don't know where to start. I don't know what to do...
Any advice would be greatly appreciated to push me in the right direction, so thanks in advance