Hi Guys and Girls
This is not a question but rather my opinion, I felt and feel like I made the right choice below. Do you agree with my decision to leave for good?
I started dating this girl in 2011, She left her ex to be in a relationship with me (First red flag). We started dating just before I went on tour to Europe for 3 weeks. Her mother hated me because the guy she was seeing was perfect and was even called son by her mom. He ended up always being in the relationship because my ex was forced to be in his company and I was accepted but was disrespected and manipulated.
We dated for about a year until I found out that while I was in Europe she cheated on me with her ex having sex with him and explaining it by saying “he was fighting with her and she just gave in” Later that week I told her to tell me everything. So I found out that she had cheated on me another 3 times with different guys. I also found out that she cheated on all her former ex’es and was Very sexually active from a young age. Now I can look past most of this cause we all have history. But the cheating to me was not on, however I tried again for another year. Beginning of this year she drifted away, kept on talking about her boss every day to the extent that it made me uncomfortable, obviously I became a bit controlling due to the past with her and this pushed her away. In the relationship she gave very little of herself and was a very distant partner, I never felt loved or wanted but I loved her so I kept on working and kept on giving. We broke up for a month, then got together again for about 2 weeks, after that I didn’t see her for 16 days until she phoned me and said we should just be friends, thus I broke it off. Its now 6 weeks after that breakup and to be honest I miss her, a lot.
I told her when I left that I can see she wants to be free, and I don’t want her love for me to keep her anchored so I will be the one setting her free (but the actual reason I left was that she hurt me so bad and kept on lying and treating me like an option and not like someone that is loved, I couldn’t tell her that because I forgave her for cheating and it will be unfair to bring that back up)
My mistakes – like I said I became very jealous and very controlling, I tried to trust her but she kept on doing weird things like hide her phone when I'm there or have secretive conversations with co-workers and guys over the phone. Also cancelling our arrangements “work late” then I find out she’s gone to pubs…. But in her mind I’m in the wrong because I could never “Get over” her mistakes.
It’s a long story so thank you for reading and taking time to reply J
I think the fact that I tried so hard to fight for the ralationship made it so hard to give up on it. The hurt is more a frustration because she didn't realize what I sacrificed, in her mind I'm the bad guy.
Thanks for the feedback from everyone!
Most Helpful Girl
Um okay. Firstly, you are NOT wrong!
your jealousy came from her actions. She chose to stay with you, so she needed to
accept it. You did nothing wrong. If anything, she should have been understanding about it
and tried to help you with it. I have been there. And, I know what you are feeling and have been feeling. Being in a relationship where your partner has cheated can be very toxic.
It consumes you. It gets to the point where they leave to go somewhere and even that makes you uncomfortable. You are uncomfortable every time their phone rings. you think it could be someone else...especially if they don't respond or answer the phone.
Everything they do is sketchy and suspicious. You wonder why they took a different route to come home. You wonder why they took so long to come home--even if I is only 15-30 minutes later.
You wonder if they even went to work. It is a TERRIBLE relationship and life.
Why do you stay?! Because you love them and they are all you can see. You have no desire to be with someone else. = /
Anyway, I am sorry, I just feel your pain so bad I had to express it. I honestly, think you should stay apart from her. I know it is hard, but you must be strong. Think about what value you have. You can most certainly find someone better. I know you don't think so now, but you can.
and you will. you have to realize you are actually better than her. Whether it be education, job, fidelity, looks, motivation, skills...etc.
I know being with someone that cheats knocks down your self-esteem. Trust me, I am the MOST insecure woman on this Earth. I think I am fat, ugly, and I get insecure even if the chick looks like a man or weighs 300pounds. I find something about every woman that makes them better than me. I am even insecure of much older women than myself. It shouldn't be about game--or who is better, but when someone cheats on you--that is all you worry about. You want to be the best...if you are the best, they might not cheat. But, that isn't reality--of course.
what I am trying to say, is that I may think I am ugly and not good, but others see different.
You might not think you are any good, but I am sure others think different. And, you got this girl, so I am sure you can get someone just as good as her (but I am sure better). She doesn't deserve your love.
You and I are one in a million. We love someone so much we will fight to be with them--even if it compromises ourselves. People that cheat belong with cheaters. And, people like us belong with loving, caring people that have UNCONDITIONAL love.
If you can stay strong, stay away from her/don't contact her and don't answer her calls for a long time. Do what makes you happy. Hang out with friends and go places and see new things. If it is meant to be it will be--whether it be a week from now or a year. Maybe she needs to realize what she has missed. Maybe she needs to see what YOU have done for her. And your value.3