Do you agree with my decision to leave for good?

Hi Guys and Girls

This is not a question but rather my opinion, I felt and feel like I made the right choice below. Do you agree with my decision to leave for good?



Back story.



I started dating this girl in 2011, She left her ex to be in a relationship with me (First red flag). We started dating just before I went on tour to Europe for 3 weeks. Her mother hated me because the guy she was seeing was perfect and was even called son by her mom. He ended up always being in the relationship because my ex was forced to be in his company and I was accepted but was disrespected and manipulated.



We dated for about a year until I found out that while I was in Europe she cheated on me with her ex having sex with him and explaining it by saying “he was fighting with her and she just gave in” Later that week I told her to tell me everything. So I found out that she had cheated on me another 3 times with different guys. I also found out that she cheated on all her former ex’es and was Very sexually active from a young age. Now I can look past most of this cause we all have history. But the cheating to me was not on, however I tried again for another year. Beginning of this year she drifted away, kept on talking about her boss every day to the extent that it made me uncomfortable, obviously I became a bit controlling due to the past with her and this pushed her away. In the relationship she gave very little of herself and was a very distant partner, I never felt loved or wanted but I loved her so I kept on working and kept on giving. We broke up for a month, then got together again for about 2 weeks, after that I didn’t see her for 16 days until she phoned me and said we should just be friends, thus I broke it off. Its now 6 weeks after that breakup and to be honest I miss her, a lot.



I told her when I left that I can see she wants to be free, and I don’t want her love for me to keep her anchored so I will be the one setting her free (but the actual reason I left was that she hurt me so bad and kept on lying and treating me like an option and not like someone that is loved, I couldn’t tell her that because I forgave her for cheating and it will be unfair to bring that back up)



My mistakes – like I said I became very jealous and very controlling, I tried to trust her but she kept on doing weird things like hide her phone when I'm there or have secretive conversations with co-workers and guys over the phone. Also cancelling our arrangements “work late” then I find out she’s gone to pubs…. But in her mind I’m in the wrong because I could never “Get over” her mistakes.



It’s a long story so thank you for reading and taking time to reply J

Updates:
Its hard to see the bigger picture when your so close to the problem, the answers below made me realize that I did everything I could for the girl I love and the failure of the relationship was because it all came from my side.


I think the fact that I tried so hard to fight for the ralationship made it so hard to give up on it. The hurt is more a frustration because she didn't realize what I sacrificed, in her mind I'm the bad guy.


Thanks for the feedback from everyone!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Um okay. Firstly, you are NOT wrong!

    your jealousy came from her actions. She chose to stay with you, so she needed to

    accept it. You did nothing wrong. If anything, she should have been understanding about it

    and tried to help you with it. I have been there. And, I know what you are feeling and have been feeling. Being in a relationship where your partner has cheated can be very toxic.

    It consumes you. It gets to the point where they leave to go somewhere and even that makes you uncomfortable. You are uncomfortable every time their phone rings. you think it could be someone else...especially if they don't respond or answer the phone.

    Everything they do is sketchy and suspicious. You wonder why they took a different route to come home. You wonder why they took so long to come home--even if I is only 15-30 minutes later.

    You wonder if they even went to work. It is a TERRIBLE relationship and life.

    Why do you stay?! Because you love them and they are all you can see. You have no desire to be with someone else. = /

    Anyway, I am sorry, I just feel your pain so bad I had to express it. I honestly, think you should stay apart from her. I know it is hard, but you must be strong. Think about what value you have. You can most certainly find someone better. I know you don't think so now, but you can.

    and you will. you have to realize you are actually better than her. Whether it be education, job, fidelity, looks, motivation, skills...etc.

    I know being with someone that cheats knocks down your self-esteem. Trust me, I am the MOST insecure woman on this Earth. I think I am fat, ugly, and I get insecure even if the chick looks like a man or weighs 300pounds. I find something about every woman that makes them better than me. I am even insecure of much older women than myself. It shouldn't be about game--or who is better, but when someone cheats on you--that is all you worry about. You want to be the best...if you are the best, they might not cheat. But, that isn't reality--of course.

    what I am trying to say, is that I may think I am ugly and not good, but others see different.

    You might not think you are any good, but I am sure others think different. And, you got this girl, so I am sure you can get someone just as good as her (but I am sure better). She doesn't deserve your love.

    You and I are one in a million. We love someone so much we will fight to be with them--even if it compromises ourselves. People that cheat belong with cheaters. And, people like us belong with loving, caring people that have UNCONDITIONAL love.

    If you can stay strong, stay away from her/don't contact her and don't answer her calls for a long time. Do what makes you happy. Hang out with friends and go places and see new things. If it is meant to be it will be--whether it be a week from now or a year. Maybe she needs to realize what she has missed. Maybe she needs to see what YOU have done for her. And your value.

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    • Thank you for best answer. I really hope you are well. If you need me, message me! and add me as a friend. I feel your pain..trust me. xx

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 5

  • I feel badly for her because it seems she lost someone very, very special. You should in no way feel as if your decision was the wrong one. Everyone deserves to be treated well and be with someone they can trust. I never realized how many men can't look past a woman's past until I started reading comments on this site. I had quite a history and my husband was well aware of it before we married and had no problem with it at all. You also forgave her cheating and lying and tried to move on. These seem to be quite a rare traits among the comments I've seen on GAG, especially men not being able to get over a woman's past.

    I believe anyone in your situation would have been jealous, suspicious and in need of some control IF they cared at all about the person. I'm sure you had deep feelings or else her cheating and lying wouldn't have mattered to you and you certainly wouldn't have tried to fix it and get past it. She has been a big part of your life for a couple of years so it's only natural to feel the loss of someone you cared about. You deserve someone worthy of you to fill that space...and it's NOT this woman. Best of luck to you.

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    • Thanks for the kind words, she however blames all this on me and the change in my person toward her drove her away, I accept responsibility for that all-tough I know why I changed..

  • You can find better, In my opinion you were not in the wrong at all if she was going out and cheating on you..cheating is nasty and cruel..just pure evil...if you don't want to be with someone then f'n leave don't hurt them by cheating and lying...if my boyfriend ever cheated on me I'd find that girl and beat her down and then ruin everything he owns and probably hurt his penis...you should not miss her but I know the feeling of missing someone even though they hurt you...don't contact her just try to find someone else, you obviously deserve better in life than that negativity..pof.com is a great website for meeting people that want something good/special..give it try :) good luck to you

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    • Ill defiantly try, now at least I know what to look out for

  • Cut yourself loose you did nothing wrong. Good to see you are seeking your best interest

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    • Thanks for the kind words

  • you do the right thing, she wasn't worth it.

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  • What gonyr said. You definitely made the right choice.

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    • @update: it's a very hard thing to do, but it's better for you in the long run.

What Guys Said 3

  • It's never wrong to leave a girl that cheated on you

    You put in the effort to rebuild e trust, which takes a lot of guts It didn't work. You couldn't trust her. It wasn't going to work. Right call for sure

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    • Thanks for the comment man!

  • This is tough to say because I know you really like her and I've definitely been mistreated by a woman too... but she isn't the right one for you bro. You made the right decision. The sooner you can separate yourself from her with time and new experiences the better. You will be miserable with her. Always wondering what she's up too, not trusting her (with good reason) she's a cheat. Good job for taking out the trash. You'll do much better without her!

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    • I tell myself that every day, I will never be able to trust her again, what I think is my problem is that I want her to realize her mistake. This keeps me anchored. I need to let go

  • She cheated on you.. you're thinking into it too much. You should have left her for good the first time, but no, you still hung in there and took a beating.

    Let the whole thing go and man up a little.

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    • I do need to man up yeah! Ill work on that ... Thanks for the advice

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