A crush that seems to find its way back, would it be stupid to keep it up?

A schoolmate of mine confessed years ago about liking me just before my family and I flew abroad. (Suckish timing, I know) We've kept contact, messaging once every few months.

Two years later, I flew back for a vacation, met up with my closest friends and decided to invite him as well. I was nervous and uncertain about it at first cause I've never hung out with someone who confessed to me even though it's been long and he probably didn't like me any more.

Anyway, we all hung out together and through the day he mostly stuck to my side and to my surprise even dragged me gently by the wrist to a shop. I'm pretty sure my heart stopped and cheeks flushed at the contact at that moment. It also stopped when everyone said their goodbyes and left. We were the only ones left standing ever so awkwardly, thinking whether to hug the other or not. After all the fidgeting and awkward smiles, we left without hugging at all.

I noticed myself thinking about him often during my vacation. He also called the night before my flight back, wanting to cheer me up cause leaving my friends the second time was much harder than the first. So instead of crying, we talked on the phone for 6 hours — God knows what we talked about for 6 freaking hours.

I was pretty much "hung over" after that vacation. Leaving my friends, adjusting to the different lifestyle abroad... Leaving him without even saying how grateful I felt towards him and how I started liking him. I wrote my first confession letter ever. (Eeew so cheesy it's cringe worthy.) I sent it months after my vacation and when he received it I felt relieved, nervous then rejected.

Relieved that I was able to confess to someone. I never even confessed to the friend I've liked for 6 years.

Nervous when he got the letter. Asking myself, how do guys even respond to letters? Omg, did I seem desperate and creepy? Ugh, why did I send it?

Rejected cause though he liked me before, he wished to remain friends cause of the distance. He seemed bummed and all, but could you imagine how I felt? Weeeew.

So time passed, we still kept in contact. It lessened at first cause it felt awkward, but we've kept it honest ever since I confessed. In the months when we wouldn't chat, I'd think of him and convince myself to get over him and that I am, but whenever he talks to me again I just smile from ear to ear. He says he still likes me, kept the letter I sent him in good condition, but keeps distance. I told him I like him too, and that I think it'll always be there.

Did it sound like I wasn't serious about still liking him? He seemed really serious about how important the letter was to him and the fact that he still likes me, but still keeps his distance or avoids me... Am I thinking too much of it? I should just ask him directly shouldn't I? He's driving me crazy! xD


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  • I think it all sounds very sweet and romantic :) I'm unsure of your question though... are you worried you should have told him more clearly how you feel, or wondering if you want to continue this relationship/flirtation/friendship/whatever you wanna call it?

    • Thanks for reading even though I've over done the length. :))

      Rereading it again, the questions really are all over the place. xD I guess what advice I'm looking for is if it would be to much to ask him if there really is something more than this flirtation/friendship whatever it is... Or I could just wait, let him ask first (if he is) while keeping my expectations down?

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