What is too early to move in together?

I've been with my boyfriend for only 5 months. I've also been living with him for one month now. It's been great but it was also supposed to be temporarily. I'm looking for a place, but as I'm sure you know, land in Manhattan is a scarce resource.

The other day he asked me to live with him permanentley and I'm actually considering it. On the one hand his place is a 15 min walk from my college, I love him, I need a home and it's a gorgous place. On the other hand gorgous means very expensive. I couldn't contribute the same amount to the rent he could. And obviously we haven't been together for that long.

I'm afraid we're still in the honeymoon phase and once that wears off, living together will be too much.


Most Helpful Girl

  • What I would do is sit down and talk to him. Find out the reasons why he wants you to live with him. Say you like the idea, but tell him your concerns.

    You definitely have legitimate concerns. If a relationship doesn't work out and you are living together, there is a lot more at stake. You have to find a place to live, move, and somehow afford this transition, plus learn to live on your own again.

    Not being able to split bills evenly wouldn't be a worry for me. Yes it would be nice to be able to do this, but it's not always possible. There might be other ways you can contribute to the household. Maybe instead of paying the same amount of rent, you agree to taking on a household task, something that he maybe doesn't like to do. Or maybe you two can work out a budget that works for both. Maybe you aren't paying as much rent, but can contribute some money to a savings pool, that then later gets used for something for the two of you.

    Really, how you split the bills is up to the couple. I know people who live together where the guy works and the woman stays at home and takes care of the household. You really just need to find an arrangement that works for both of you.

    But definitely tell him your concerns. Moving in is a big step, and I think it's awesome that he really does want you to live with him. I wish you two the best!


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What Guys Said 2

  • 5months is generally too early to live together. there is still so much to learn about each other and living with someone should occur after having learned nearly all there is to know about someone before the added dynamic of co-habitating is thrown inthe picture

  • Just ask him what HIS motives are. If it's something cutesy like "Because I love you, fool" don't do it. If it's a well-laid plan with genuine explanations ( it will not be ) go for it!

    • He said that he really enjoyed living with me the past few weeks and that he'd miss me if I'd move out

    • Show All
    • I think he just meant that he wants to be monogamous and wants to make it official.

      I'd be ready to settle down. I don't want to get married and have children before I'm done with school, but I can imagine a future with him and I certainley don't feel the need to date any other men anymore

    • You might want to make sure that's what he means. . .

What Girls Said 3

  • I'd listen to you instincts and not move in with him at this point. If you did, it sounds like you would do it more for practical convenience and not because you truly want to settle down with him.

  • Everyone is different, it's not the same for everyone. When it's right for some people, it may not be the time for others. Just do what you think is beneficial.

  • I moved in with my fiance when we'd been together for 3 months. He proposed to me at 8 months and it's now been over 2 years, we're happier than ever. Everyone is different, there is no set time.


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