I think I love my ex boyfriend, Should I break up with my current boyfriend?

I was in a 2 in a half year relationship with a great guy and we were crazy in love with each other but almost a year with him I slowly began to lose feelings for him. I told him right away what I was feeling and he was trying to fix things but still things were only getting worse and my feelings felt like nothing. I began spending more time with a friend who had been interested in me for many years since we were young kids. I realized I began to develop feelings for him. I told my boyfriend about it and told him I wanted to break up because I was suffering staying in a relationship that wasn't feeling right for me. He took it extremely hard and didn't want to give up on me.But I couldn't handle it and wanted to try something new... So I began dating my friend and things felt right. We get along great, we make each other laugh and have many similarities. and we have been friends for 7 years so I felt this really could work between us. we've been together for 3 months so far and recently made love. But after engaging in that, I feel that it was WAY too soon.I feel like it has changed my feelings about our relationship.Ive never done anything like that except with my ex boyfriend. He was my first and it took a year to finally be able to have sex. I'm begining to realize I might really love my ex boyfriend after all. I feel really guilty because my friend has always waited for me and has been deeply in love with me and believes I'm the one for him...even my ex boyfriend is waiting for me and believes I'm the one for him too... These are both amazing, devoted, loyal, great guys. Its tearing me apart. I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe break up with my boyfriend and just not have anyone? it feels unfair to both of them...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • How are you so sure you are in love with your ex? Sometimes, we tend to idealize the past and make it better than it was. There was a reason you lost your feelings. Either the relationship wasn't right or you were holding yourself back. I have a feeling that if you were to go back to your ex, the same thing would happen again. Do you really want to put him through that? Put yourself through that? There really is no easy answer here.

    I think maybe it would be a good idea to examine your ideas about sex. You said you started losing your feelings for your current boyfriend after that, which may be the cause of your loss of feelings. Can you tell us why? There may be something there, something that causes you to shut down. Some kind of trauma, ex: your parents divorcing . Or you feel there is too much intimacy and you feel too vulnerable. We can sometimes fear being vulnerable and sex can be something in which we are very, very vulnerable. (hahaha sorry I'm a psych student. We love analysis! :)).

    Perhaps the simplest answer is that neither of them are right for you. On some levels you are connecting with them, but on others you are disengaged or you don't mesh well with them. Ask yourself what it is that you really feel you are missing in your relationship.

    Maybe you are feeling pressure by both these men. They both have said "they think you are the one." On some level that may be making you withdraw your emotions from these men because you fear failing them or disappointing them in some way.

    Only you can truly know the answer to your question. Perhaps you should stop thinking about what you "should" or "shouldn't" do and just be. The answer will come. All you are doing right now is thinking yourself into a tizzy and preventing yourself from coming to a conclusive decision. The answer might be just to be alone until you can figure this out.

    Best of luck and I know you can do this!

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    • Wow you have really great suggestions about this! It makes sense too. and no need to apologize I asked for help and this is the best feed back I've asked anyone else! :).you seem to understand alot.

      But yes there was some trauma I was molested when I was younger. I was use to being vulnerable for a long time until I was an abusive relationship for a long time and from that experienced I learned to hide my emotions very well and holding back from getting too close to anybody.

    • I completely understand. I've experienced this getting feelings then mentally talking myself out of them. Luckily both the person and I came to the realization we were wrong for each other so it worked out in the end. If you want more help, you can alway friend me and email me. Best of luck!

    • I was only trying to stay positive and give this a chance and see how it goes but I think it has ruined my thoughts about staying in any relationship right now. Its a whole lot of pressure! I don't want to think ahead about comitment and marriage but these 2 are. It does seem better to be alone to sort my issues out. but it seems difficult to tell my boyfriend x(

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