Should I seriously pursue something with this guy?

Backstory: last year, I was seeing this older guy who worked in finance. We dated for about 5-6 months until he broke things off. Then, I found out that he was just seeing someone else. It felt too good to be true, and ever since then, I'm sort of on the fence about dating guys that just seem too good to be true.

This guy: I met this guy through a friend at a get-together. He's 27, he's a lawyer and a cpa, he's really good-looking, easily an 8.5 at a minimum, he's confident, he's not arrogant or egotistical, he's funny, she's obviously very smart, 5'10", and he's a really good talker - I call him a "talented conversationalist."

He asked for my number and he actually "called" me back the following day, and we talked for like 5+ hours. He asked me out on a date, but I told him I was going on vacation this weekend for 2 weeks, so he said he'll call me again when I get back.

I definitely don't want to project my negative past experiences onto this new guy, because it's not fair to him or to me. But at the same time, I just feel that the reason things didn't work out with my ex were because he just had a lot of options, felt like he could do better than me, and ventured out the first chance he got and found someone else.

I'm just worried that this guy is like a really great guy, and this is NYC. I'm sure girls are giving him attention and throwing themselves at him all the time. He seems like a great guy, but I don't know what to do about all this anxiety I'm feeling.

Anyone? Guys or Girls? Any help or suggestions?

Thanks in advance!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly f*** your ex, don't let one guy ruin

    Your confident and your idea of all men. Not all men are like

    Him, and to be honest your pretty just believe in your self.

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    • Thanks. I guess he just comes off as a bit intimidating, and he's like the kind of guy who makes you feel inadequate. He's good-looking, he seems like a great guy personality-wise, he's smart, he's fun, he's funny, he's extremely educated, he's pretty well off, and he sort of makes me feel like I'm so far away from most of those things. When he started showing interest in me, I dunno, I just felt like this wasn't happening lol. I guess I just feel out of his league a little bit.

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What Guys Said 7

  • You said a very nasty word, lawyer. His job description in short is to lie, cheat, manipulate and steal. For 60 hours a week this is where his mind is at.

    The mind set of an attorney is a different type of logic and in New York City, this makes him a tramp magnet. Attorneys have a way of thinking that may be hard to live with.

    I have friends who are attorney's judges, and congressional aids all attorneys. You cannot trust them they can all legally paint a picture which does not need to represent the truth.

    Sounds like he is a tax attorney

    Your fears are justified. Your boy has options and there will always be a woman prettier than you or more challenging. This is the USA and loyalty is not common. You have women who will chase him to get pregnant for a 18 year commitment. You have fellow women attorneys who may be his best option because they understand the mind set.

    I have dated some of the most beautiful women on the planet, Hong Kong, Germany, Brazil and each relationship ended over me being busy and the women cheating. No loyalty. In Brazil I began to date an average attractive woman and everything was more peaceful. Dating an average looking woman made it clear where God hid beauty.

    Check him for falling in any guidelines for good morals or even test him against Moral Turpitude.

    Good Luck,

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  • " I just feel that the reason things didn't work out with my ex were because he just had a lot of options, felt like he could do better than me, and ventured out the first chance he got and found someone else."

    Just about everyone does this. Women included.

    Its just something you have to live with.

    You have 2 options.

    Either.

    A: Be boring and not try to be the best you can be and allow him to seek a better girl.

    OR.

    B: be the best you can be and hope you guys click.

    If he really likes you a lot he's not going to even consider trading up.

    I know when I'm with a woman who's super attractive and other guys are hitting her up, I'm not worried.

    WHY?

    Because if she leaves me for one of them, then its my fault or its nobody's fault. The point is its not the fault of the men who are hitting on her, nor is it HER fault.

    Either I should have been a better man. OR I wasn't her type to begin with. (which means I was good enough for now until someone else came along who she thought fit her better.)

    I would do the same thing in her position. And so should you.

    Dating one person at a time is not the best strategy in my opinion.

    Its putting all your eggs in one basket and hoping it will go the way you want.

    The odds of the first guy you date being the one you spend the rest of your life with are astronomical.

    Better to date multiple people at a time, pick the best one and then stick with that.

    OR you are just going to hurt a lot of people. yourself included if you care about the person who you break it off with.

    Because often that person was good enough at first, but something went bad along the way that told you that he didn't quite fit up to what you really want. But you still like him as a person and feel bad that you have to break it off with him.

    Had you have dated multiple people and told each of them that's what you were doing, then none of that happens. No one gets hurt. (at least not equivalent to if you did it one at a time.)

    My advice is to just enjoy the ride and if it works out fine. It it doesn't, who cares. But at least you had fun while it lasted.

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    • Thank you for that. I can't even try to date more than one person at a time. I don't have the time for it, and I don't have the brain power for it lol. Dealing with one guy at a time is enough lol

  • You're an attractive, articulate, sexual young woman.

    You like dating attractive, articulate, successful men in their primes.

    Guess what. You both have options. Either of you could walk out the door at any time and be dating someone fairly attractive within a couple hours. That's how it is, and that's how its going to be with anyone you date, unless you date someone so drastically below your league they are your drooling man servant, which would make you miserable.

    Accepting that BOTH of you have options, I think puts you in a good place to potentially have a really good relationship. It puts you there because you can ONLY have a good relationship. You BOTH know you can do well elsewhere, so either you two make the relationship work, or you move on.

    Yeah, it means you may break up sooner then a pair of people who think they can't get anyone else, but clinging to crappy relationships is not a good thing.

    If you like the guy, you don't take him for granted, you treat him well and make him glad, and demand the same back. If it doesn't work out, you will -both- find a long line of people willing to try to build something. If it does, you have something amazing.

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  • If you are interested in him then go for it. I have learned that it is a huge mistake to avoid things because it might go bad. Yeah, it might not work out, but the only way it will is if you try. You seem really smart and advanced for your age so I can see it working. You never know until you try...

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  • Well you're basically asking should you date a guy that's seemingly too good to stick around... We can't really answer that. You said it yourself in an answer sometime back (I think it was you), that guys will do anything to get you in bed and only once that happens you can tell their true intentions for you. So imo go for it, and see where it takes you, the only question I got is if he's 27 and as good as you say he is why is he still single? Clearly it's not lack of experience you said it yourself he called you where as he coudlve texted, even after you told him you'll go away on vacation he said he'll 'call' you. So he obviously knows what he's doing with women. I'd go on a few dates with him and find out his situation (if you don't know it already) as to why he's single etc... GL.

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    • I don't doubt this guy's intentions. He's good looking enough that there's no doubt that if he wanted to have sex, he could easily have sex. Plus, he doesn't come off as the sex hungry type. It's not an issue about his intentions. The issue is that maybe he has the best intentions in the world, but someone walks into his life tomorrow and he's just like whatever with this girl. I dunno, I guess maybe I'm being too conservative and pessimistic.

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    • well, like I said, it's happened to be before. It doesn't have to do with a guy's honesty, it's just a function of what other options he has available.

    • meh, I don't agree with that but w.e. You can have all the girls in the world at your feet, if you like someone enough and have a history with them you won't simply replace her with someone better looking/smarter/more succesful/whatever. Maybe it's just my mentality I don't know...

  • yes you should

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  • Yeah go for it! Maybe focus less on what a guy does, and more about who he is as a person.

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What Girls Said 3

  • ask your friend more about him so you will know where you stand with him in terms of dating.

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  • Don't let the first guy's personality and taste make you think that all guys are like him. You might not be 'the one' for the first guys, but you might be exactly what the second guy has been looking for. Don't let your past dictate your present. Talk to the second guys, and have fun :) but from your past experience, learn that letting your heart out fast isn't always a good thing. Let things flow in the relationship by its' own accord, and when you feel like you two have a connection, don't be afraid of letting him know, because not most guys are minde readers like some girls. ha ha XD

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  • First of all you should not dwell on the other women that are throwing themselves at him try and focus on what you have to offer. You are overanalyzing the situation. Just go for it and if it does not work our then it does not work out and it was not the right guy for you.

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