How do I tell my strict Christian family I am moving in with my boyfriend?

My family is very strict and conservative. Since they are Christian, they don't believe in co-habitation before marriage. My boyfriend and I are planning on moving in together in September. We love each other very much and have been together for awhile. My parents want us to get married, but we don't have the money right now to get married. With two of us living together and working, we would have enough to live together and not live off of our parents. We both are responsible adults. My boyfriend has lived on his own before, and his parents are thrilled for us to move in together.

On the other hand, my parents don't think I can do anything for myself and treat me like a baby. Not to mention my dad and I don't have a good relationship. He is emotionally and verbally abusive and loses his temper easily. My mom is very clingy and still treats my 33 year old brother like a child. They have a weird relationship anyway, but that is beyond the point.

Overall, I am terrified to tell them and don't know how to go about telling them without getting screamed at or guilt tripped. The only thing they are paying for right now is my phone bill so even if they cut me off I wouldn't be losing anything. My parents are relentless. They think their way is the only way, and I can see my dad trying to lash out or nearly hit my boyfriend if he finds out we are living tgethwr and having premarital sex. I want to respect them as an adult, but at the same time, this is my life. I am an adult and should be treated like one.


Most Helpful Guy

  • If you think it will create unsolvable problems then slowly move out bit by bit untill you're practically done and then tell them. Avoidance might be cowardly sometimes but it does the job.

    Ultimately it comes down to the big question:

    Are your parents still supporting and guiding you, or have they done all they can and have become a burden which is holding you back?

    Propose that to them and see their answer. I don't think that any realistically thinking parent in this day and age maintains the illusion that their children are having long term, non-marital relationships without sexual intimacy, at least not without some level of doubt.

    However you decide to raise the topic, just make sure you do it face-to-face, but have a backup plan if it isn't received well

    • Thank you. My mom still helps me on occasion but honestly they hold me back. Like I said I pay for everything myself except maybe food on occasion and my phone bill. Butwe make more then enough to live on our own. My dad does nothing for me but causes pain and stress. They are just those type of radical Christians if you know what I mean. I don't have a backup plan really. Probably just not talk to them anymore. Lol

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What Guys Said 2

  • that is so f***ed up lol. are you religious?

    • I believe in God and Jesus but I don't think sex before marriage is bad and don't agree with a lot of their views. Ha ha yes its quite messy.

  • like this:

    "mom, dad, I'm moving in with my boyfriend and I don't give a f*ck what you think. I'm an adult and can do what I want without your approval. and if you don't approve, well f*ck you then."

    • and just for good measure throw in: "by the way he f*cks me every day and I suck his d*ck."

What Girls Said 2

  • I'm sick of seeing grown adults still worrying about 100% pleasing their parents. Not just you, I've seen many people like this.

    Say: I'm moving in with my boyfriend. I don't care if you don't approve, it's my life and this is best for me and him.

  • I can definitely understand where you're coming from. This sounds like a really tricky situation and it needs to be handled carefully. I myself am in a similar situation, though it's not that immediate. My boyfriend wants us to live together in a year or two. His parents have said they'd be fine with it. I know for a fact my parents would be dead-set against it. The only difference between me an you is...I don't really want to do the premarital cohabitation thing, even though I love my boyfriend and want to marry him someday.

    Let's leave religion out of this, but just talk about practical reasons for a minute: MONEY. If you move in with him, you are going to end up buying items together - furniture, food, electronics, and maybe a pet. If you break up, it will be very messy to try and divide that stuff without a written record of who bought it. Whereas with a divorce (NOTE: if you're married, you're more likely to work out differences than if you were not), you would hopefully have a prenup and going through all the finances for the split would be much easier.

    If you want independence from your parents financially, get a roommate. Don't shack up with your boyfriend; get a female roommate! You can still see him and wait until you're actually ready to get married and avoid a whole bunch of drama.

    OR get married now. In many cases, the bride's family is supposed to pay for her wedding. Would your parents be willing to give this gift to you? If not, then consider having a small wedding with just you, him and your folks. Save up, and then having a big ceremony and party when you can afford it. If you start to plan a small wedding like this, it is likely that your parents may feel slightly guilty and decide to help pay for your wedding.

    Me personally, I think cohabitation before marriage contradicts some of your very fundamental beliefs if you're a Christian. Believeee me I understand; it's easy to try and bend the rules, because they seem very unnecessary and inconvenient, but that's the temptation. You have to decide what your values are and stick to them. Neither I nor your parents are in any position to tell you what to do, but even if they are a pain in the's important to take a step back and realize that what they are saying might actually have some truth in it.

    I know - I try to spite my parents all the time, because they act crazy and clingy and dysfunctional and like parents...but in the end, I know they love me and actually know quite a bit despite the fact that they seem really silly or ignorant sometimes. In many cases, their "stupid" and illogical advice ended up saving me a lot of unforeseen problems when I decided to follow it even partly.

    So yeah - just consider what's most important to you. Honor your parents, even if you think they're impossible, ignorant, or flawed. Read Screwtape Letters if you get a chance. It's a pretty insightful book and might shed light on all this. Just think carefully!


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