Friend cheats on his girlfriend...Do you do anything?

Now, I have to preface that I know that all situations are different and it's a case by case approach.

I.e. in the past, my best friend has cheated on his girlfriend, but it was like a 4-month relationship, he felt guilty (still does, 5 years later), they separated fairly soon after, etc etc. And I was okay with it at the time.

But there's this current situation that has come to light. It has come to my attention that another friend of mine (26), one whom is a great friend to me - honest, trustworthy, etc - has cheated on his girlfriend (21) of 1.5 years, at least once. I know he has definitely been in the situation before with this same girlfriend as he's talked about almost cheating and I've been there when he's almost hired call girls in his gf's extended absence.

We've talked about it casually before and he believes cheating is good as it keeps the relationship fresh, sexually. He is definitely the type who enjoys sex with as many women as possible, regardless of how good the sex is (in fact, he thinks the first time is always the best in which I greatly disagree).

She loves him very much (even took the time to learn his native language), but I'm not sure if she knows of his ways. And to be completely honest, it wouldn't surprise me that she DOES know and just overlooks it. Though I don't think she knows because he's told me before to not talk about it (the call girls and other times he's talked about almost cheating).

Now, I don't want to rat him out. But part of me thinks it's just completely wrong how he thinks this is OK. Especially given how committed and loving she is to him. Part of me wants to somehow relay this info to her or one of her friends I know, anonymously. Part of me wants to just talk to him about it, man to man, adult to adult. Part of me just figures ignore it - not my business, right. But I just don't know.

Any thoughts or input?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • That's a tough one. I can tell you a little story of what happened to my friend. My best friend was in a relationship with this guy for almost 2 years, living together. I had been hearing stuff about him and she was feeling a little uncomfortable with some of his relationships with girl friends, but he reassured her nothing was going on and she was happy with that. One night me and a group of mutual friends were out at a bar and my cousin came over to me telling me about how she had seen him dancing very close and personal with this other girl he worked with. It just so happened I was sitting with one of his best friends. Right there he rolled his eyes and told me that wasn't all he had been doing with this girl and told me the whole story. Later I talked to my friend with a good sources information but left it anonymous. I told her anything she needed I would be there for her and support any decision. Later she talked to her boyfriend, he can clean about that and more, she called me for emotional support. I just helped her stay calm and they worked things out and are now married with two kids. Can't say it will work that way for everyone, but it is one situation similar. I hope things work out for you, that really is a difficult situation.

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  • Talk to your friend about it. Man to man, but I don't know if he will really listen. I mean if they are in a serious relationship and he is doing this it's not just casual fun. I mean not to be a downer but my aunt died from this behavior with my uncle. They were married, he was in the military and cheated ALL the time with UNPROTECTED sex and he have her HIV and they both died soon after. That of course is a really serious case but you may want to just ask if he is having safe sex. My mother got an STD from my father when he was cheating on her luckily it wasn't anything permanent. It is just sad that when people do this the other person's life can be altered forever. I think you would feel really guilty if something like this happened to her. I know that you know this is wrong but do you kind of have feelings for his girlfriend or at the very least really like her?

    My friend is a slut, I know this we are complete opposites. She would cheat on her boyfriend ALL the time, I didn't like her boyfriend so I didn't care. She has never ever been faithful in a relationship, but neither have any of her boyfriends it's all just drama. I just turned a blind eye to it because one party wasn't ever innocent. This sounds very different. Talk to him first and if you find out he is having unprotected sex with prostitutes and putting his girlfriend at risk, maybe you don't want to have him as a friend anyway.

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    • good point, I didn't even think of the STD angle, or even maybe accidental pregnancy.

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    • Kind of different. Its still a moral issue though, what are you thinking of doing if anything?

    • well the times I see him fluctuate - twice a week here, then don't see him for 3 weeks, then see him 4 times in 3 weeks, then not at all for 1.5 months, etc. Last I saw him was a couple weeks ago, so I don't know when the next time will be or in what situation (group, his girlfriend around, etc).

      Anyway, I may bring it up as a general subject again - just the subject of other women/cheating and see where it goes from there.

  • For me I try to mind my own business because we really don't know what's going on in someone else's relationship. Add to that, often the messenger gets killed, not the shady jerkoff who did the bad deeds haha.

    But if it was someone I am close to, you bet I'll tell them, because I care about them and hope they would do the same for me. No one wants to look like a fool and be played.

    I think you just need to think about it a little more and decide what will best for everyone. If you tell her, think about how that might affect your friendship. If you don't tell her he most likely will continue to do it, because he's not getting caught.

    Maybe its a good idea to talk to him about it and see if you can understand him or at the very least give him your two cents in a way that's just two friends talking, nothing judgmental or anything that's going to cause drama.

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    • yeah I may talk to him about it. Like I said, we've talked about the general subject before and I tried talking sense into him that it's not OK in the sense he thinks. But now that I've learned he's actually done it, I'm not even sure how I'd bring it up as a discussion point.

      I almost want to believe it isn't true, but 2 separate ppl, independent of each other, have told me so. And I believe it, because I'm already well aware of his views on it.

    • Well the next time he jokingly brings the topic up just tell him what you think and how you feel about the subject. Like, "well I personally think/feel..." and see what he has to say. If its really something you can't let go of, you can subtly suggest to someone else who knows the girl and tell her.

    • *to tell her not and tell her

  • Most people don't seem to agree with me on this but personally I'd rat on my friend. That's one thing I don't stand for. I don't care who you are, if I know you're cheating I'm not gonna stand by and watch.

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    • Although I would give my friend a chance to come clean on their own first. If they don't take it, then I'd rat on them.

  • Mind your own buisness .. I feel for the girl but its not her boyfriends best friends job to tell her what's going on, unless you are doing this for your own reasons? ..intresting

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    • there's no ulterior motive, trust me, besides the fact I just feel bad for girls who get cheated on, especially when they're very committed, selfless, and loving to their bf's, and I always prefer truths over lies.

  • What my friends do in their relationships is really none of my business unless they want my advice on something I don't get into it

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  • That tough. I do think you shouldn't befriend your friend's girlfriends. What if they break up? It can be awkward. I do think you shouldn't rat him out but let him know you don't want to hear about him cheating and you don't agree with it.

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    • well, I do tend to be really good ACQUAINTANCES with my friends' ex's. Only keeping in touch through FB really, nothing else.

  • While you're right that it isn't any of your business, I'd have a hard time just ignoring something like that. Talk to your friend. Be honest and blunt how you feel about it. It might not even influence him, but it's worth a shot knowing you at least tried.

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  • If that were me, I'd probably talk to my friend about it, try to convince him that what he's doing is wrong and that he should stop or just break up with the girl so he can be with women freely. The fact is, you have no idea what she's doing or what she knows. He has asked you to keep quiet, which suggests he's not open with her about it, but she may still know. Bottom line, she has a right to know. I'd want someone to tell me. If he didn't want his girlfriend finding out that he's cheating on her, he shouldn't have cheated.

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