I met my now husband in November of 2011. We made an instant connection and began exclusively dating in December of 2011. Since then, we have had ups and downs but altogether a fulfilling relationship. We got engaged in January of 2013, a day after my birthday and were just married this past June. Today, my husband tells me he has this secret he is dying to tell me but it is going to hurt our relationship. I finally get him to tell me and it is that back in February of 2012, an ex girlfriend contacted him to tell him he was the father of her baby. She told him he was the last guy she slept with the August before I met him. Now the baby is here and he wants to find out for sure if it is his and is so, gain custody. I am not so much upset at the fact that there is a baby, as I figure it happened before me and was not a result of cheating. However, to know this has been a lie alllll this time and that other people have known makes me feel some type of way. In my opinion, he is my husband and I want to stand by him through thick and thin, as I stated in my vows and help raise this child if it is his. I just wanted some third party feedback from everyone else… would you stand by and move forward together as a family? Or would you break up and move on?
Most Helpful Guy
A secret and a lie are not the same thing. Unless your husband told you he was a virgin, it is entirely possible that he had sex before you met, and therefore could have a child. I can understand that you are upset that he didn't tell you about it previously, but in his defense he found out two months after you became an exclusive couple. It is quite possible that he felt this news would negatively affect your relationship, so he kept it from you. As for the other people he told, I would guess that they could have known this previous girlfriend so it makes some sort of sense that he told them (or he just needed to tell someone, and didn't think the time was right to tell you). By the way, have you told your husband everything about your past, or do you have some secrets?
In my opinion, you need to sit down with your husband and discuss this situation. If you are hurt that he didn't tell you about it, tell him so. But also try to understand his point of view as well. I don't see how leaving him makes sense, unless you are concerned that there are other secrets from his past. If that is the case, you need to be clear that he must be not keep things from you (you may even need to make it clear that any future "revelations" could result in an end to the relationship)--and you have to commit to not keeping anything from him. If you are satisfied that everything is in the open and the trust level in the relationship has not been destroyed, then I think you should stay with him and move forward together as a family...0