I am extremely jealous, what can I do to relax?

So I never thought of myself as a jealous person, but with my new boyfriend I get VERY jealous whenever he even mentions another woman. I don't bother him about it because I don't want him to think I am overreacting or that I am crazy, and I do understand that you have to have trust in a relationship. But to me, this is not trust-related. I trust him VERY much and know he would never ever cheat on me. We had a very honest talk about this and we are both the kind of people that would rather just break up with someone than cheat on them, and we believe cheating is out of the question. But I will just get that little weird feeling in my gut when he talks about other girls, and I get dizzy just thinking about other girls hitting on him or flirting with him. Both him and I have very outgoing personalities, and we are always nice to other people, so it's not that I think him being nice and talking to girls is bad. But I do get jealous sometimes, and it really bothers me. And it bothers me that it bothers me lol. I guess I am just very insecure and am scared of losing him :/ I know he loves me very much and would do anything to make me happy, but I still feel so bad when he talks about other girls. Like last night, he said he will be going to some girl's birthday party this Saturday and will take the opportunity to just get drunk and have fun. I got REALLY bothered by that for some reason, and scared that if he gets drunk some girl can take advantage of him... Am I being unreasonable? I appreciate honest feedback, but please don't be rude. And guys who have girlfriends that you love - have you gone to parties without her where you got drunk, and how did you handle if other females tried to hit on you? Thanks for any help!


Most Helpful Guy

  • There are two major reasons for jealousy issues.

    1. Trust. From what you say, that's not an issue here.

    2. Insecurity. If you're insecure about yourself, you're constantly subconsciously afraid that he'll find someone better than you and kick you to the curb.

    You need to realize and accept that he's with you for a reason. Because he wants to be. No other woman, no matter how attractive you think she may be, is going to change that. as long as you two have a healthy relationship.

    As for the drinking, just ask him to keep it in check. Tell him you'd appreciate if he didn't get blackout drunk, to the point where he could lose control over his own actions. Throw in some tidbits about how you really like him, and you don't think you could deal with him making a mistake. Getting drunk is fine. If he is really into you, he won't be tempted to do anything wrong. However, Getting black out drunk basically erases any inhibitions he may have. And it makes it very easy for him to do something he could regret later.

    • I definitely agree, for me it is the #2. I am very insecure, and so I am constantly scared that he will find a girl who is more attractive and just "better" than me. And I think what makes it harder is that we are currently long distance, so I am worried that if some girl he meets is nice and he likes her, he might leave me for her because of the proximity. I will be moving back to where he is in 5 months though, so I hope we get through it. I just wish I wasn't so paranoid :/ Tx for your input!

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