Will giving my ex-boyfriend time and space change anything?

We were together for about two years before I broke up with him in May. From there for about two months, we were on and off working things out until back two-three weeks ago when he completely called it off. So during the breakup, we always saw each other, hung out, talked, and so on. He said I deserve someone better and that I should move on. He said that he just wants to have fun right now without having to think twice about hurting someone's feelings but still cares a lot about me and will always love me. So for about an entire week, I didn't hear from him which is the longest time we haven't heard from each other. I sent an email stating how I realized I made a lot of mistakes and that I have always blamed him for my unhappiness when it was really just me. I was insecure, jealous, and I compared him and our relationship to other people. He replied back two days later saying he was very surprised but thought he had made it clear to me that he has moved on and that I should move on too and that he has no intention of wanting to work things out. I didn't reply back until this week when I asked him to just still think about what I said because I meant every word. He responded saying that there's nothing more to think about but if I care about him as much as I say then I should be happy and support his decision. And that I should really move on because if I keep holding on then its going to push him away further from even being friends or comfortable enough for him to talk to me again. I replied saying I understand and I'll respect his decision and how he's feeling...that I'll be here if he needs me whenever he's ready to talk. However, I have a bad tendency to overanaylze things so I kept wondering does that mean he doesn't care about me or will be there for me like he told me before cause he didn't say that in the email. so I did a boo-boo and text him last night asking if we could talk cause I wanted to ask a few questions but then I realized I shouldn't have so I text back saying its okay and have a good night. he sent another email this morning saying how its starting to bother him that I'm trying to communicate with him and that NO he doesn't want to answer any questions or talk about anything about our past relationship. that I need to stop obessing about his life without me and to stop asking his friends about me cause that's overstepping the boundaries of his privacy. He said he doesn't want to be mean or anything but to get over it. He's very blunt, firm, and clear to the point like that. Surprisingly, I took the email very well. I told him that I figured he didn't want to talk last night which was fine and I wasn't mad or anything when he didn't reply and to please not think differently about me.

So now my question: To me it seems like WEEKS AND MONTH but technically its only a week between each communication time. If I gave him his space and time, like months with no contact at all...will things change? will I hear from him? will he miss me?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • He may miss you if you carry on with your life and let him go for the moment. If he has any feelings for you and hopes of getting back with you it work out with time. At this point he is ready to move on and he is trying to keep a decent friendship with you, but you behavior is the type that may cause him to completely cut the friendship. Continue to be his friend and do not make any intrusions into his life. Let him come back to you on his own and if he chooses. Space is not guarantee he will return, so in the mean time when you are ready consider meeting new guys. Work on yourself - those issues that lead you to be insecure and jealous. Asking his friends about him and all that behavior would be bothersome to most guys. Work on being his friend and showing him that you can be strong. Be grateful for his friendship and work on maintaining that.

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    • Kristyle,

      Thank you so much! That was what one of my friends had said too...saying that right now he just wants to enjoy his freedom and overtime he will start to miss me. His parents, family, cousins, and friends all have said that he wouldn't be able to find someone better than me. So, I'm still hopeful. I know he doesn't want to me keeping hoping because he knows I will still "dwell" on things.. but after his last few emails...I guess all I can do is really show that I'm okay?

    • Definitely! Give him a chance to miss you. Once he sees that you are not clinging to him as much and that you enjoying yourself with or without him it may be a chance that he would want to work things out. If you want to have some hope working things out the greatest thing you can do now is be his friend. That keeps the lines open for future hope. You can still have those feeling and hopes for him, but try not show him all of that right now.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Its horrible I know, I'm still getting over the break up with my boyfriend. I broke up with him because he didn't want to progress with me at all and had no intention of taking the relationship any further. He said he really wanted to be friends and that he didn't want to lose me. For the first few weeks he kept texting me, asking me to hang out, and I enjoyed texting him as friends, but now he has completely frozen me out. He must have gotten over me and its heart breaking. I really want to text him every day, but I have to restrain myself because I broke up with him and no matter how much I still want him, I have to remember why I decided to break up with him.

    You must now do the same. It is really difficult, don't get me wrong, but all that you are doing by bothering him is giving yourself a bad reputation. He will be telling his friends you're obsessed even a little psychotic, which you are not, you are really hurting. Hurt can cause us to do funny things sometimes. Every time you feel like contacting him, restrain yourself, delete his email and his number if you have to. You never know, if you give him space, he may come back to you or start being friends with you later. But again keep focused, there is a reason you broke up with him, remember what it was.

    Can I also just remind you, however much pain you are feeling now, it will ease over time. And there will be someone new, who will love you and cherish you.

    Find something to take your mind off of him, get a project, keep fit, pamper yourself, go out and meet new people, but whatever you do now, look after yourself.

    I wish you well :)

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  • I think he was so clear with you about his intentions and what he wants so don't over think about it and accept what he said , it's the truth .. time to move on even if it seems so hard at first but you'll get there

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    • But would giving him space change things around?

    • What do you mean by change things around? You Mean he will want you back or he will consider being friends with you? Either way don't get your hopes up otherwise you will br decieved and that will hurt you even more .. I think its better to give you both space and try to find someone else and don't dont wait around for him ! Maybe he will come to talk to you I say MAYBE but after all lets face it love can't turn into friendship and even if you talk it will just cause you more headache.. two years

  • You broke up with him! You may have hurt him, you may have made him mad, he may not care anymore at this point, or it could be a combination of all those--most likely is.

    You've made your points clear to him & he responded clearly to you. Please do not keep contacting him. You are pushing him further away at this point. IF you give him his space, he'll have time to digest all the information you've given him. Only time will tell how it sits with him...& you're gonna have to let him be the one to come back to you IF he ever does. I know it's hard, but you have to let it be what it is.

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