She's already in a rebound--how do I get her back?

I’m divorced for four years (really rough). This new girl and I met two years ago at work. We became best friends that connected on such a deep level that it was like we were kindred spirits, soul mates, all that stuff. It was truly amazing. She was also going through a really rough divorce while we were just friends. Then we got together.

After awhile she began projecting her old baggage onto me and cut things off, saying I was just messing with her head, that the emotional bond she felt for me was too much to handle. She’s scared and needy right now. And she’s already rebounding with another guy from her childhood she bumped into at the store, already sleeping with him and stuff, all within less than a couple weeks of the breakup.

She’s really an emotional mess right now, so I’m not wanting to rush into a another heartache for either of us. But when we’re together we both are at peace and find healing, comfort, security, etc. Maybe she was too dependent on me. She said she felt she was. So I’m hoping with a little time she will settle down and we can get back together in peace.

I love her desperately, and when I see her I can tell by her body language she’s still into me. But recently I posted online a general kind of “miss talking to you” thing and listed a some things we did together without actually naming her so nobody could tell who I meant. But she saw it and felt I betrayed her trust and privacy. So now she’s mad at me, though her body language still says she’s conflicted about anger and love for me.

How can I get her back?

Updates:
She was also abused. But she still exhibits feelings for me. She doesn't do that with other guys. Even with the guy she's with now she still keeps coming back to me to keep in contact with me one way or another. It's like she tries to find reasons not to like me yet struggles with some inner conflict about me.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • When you have an intense connection that is soulmate, kindred, twin flame/soul. In those type of relationships you often get one or both individuals that cannot handle the intensity and will run. Often these people are called runners (when you have the chance please google soul mate runners, twin soul/twin flame runners) The other person usually just cannot handle that emotional intensity. It is easy for her to be physical with someone else as it does not require any type of emotional connection. For some the emotional intensity felt in soul mate relationship becomes just too much to handle. Here is a good article about runners: link

    Usually when people run like that you have to let them return on their own. Sometimes the more you try you may find the more she pushes you away.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • That's fascinating. I've never heard of such things. It could fit. I'll read up on it. She was also abused, so that comes into play. But she still exhibits feelings for me. She doesn't do that with other guys. Even with the guy she's with now she still keeps coming back to me to keep in contact with me one way or another. It's like she tries to find reasons not to like me yet struggles with some inner conflict. She may just need more time to deal with stuff regardless of who she's with.

    • I agree past abuse, if she has not have gotten any professional help with or healed from that usually always comes into play in relationships. It almost like she knows you are right, good for her but she is heavily resisting. Soul mate connection or not, when things become to real, intense emotionally they either run and/or subconsciously sabotage the relationship. I actually think she does love you. You can wait for her if you wish or you may want to consider giving someone new a chance.

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What Girls Said 2

  • From what I can tell you were also a rebound for her. I know you think right now that you want her back, but she couldn't have been "in love" with you if she has already found someone else.

    I would pick up the pieces of your broken heart and move on. She obviously doesn't have much respect for herself or you for that matter. And if you were to get her back that would not change. So my advice would be to take this time and mend your own heart from the divorce and this one. Down the road when you are both healthy maybe you can be friends again.

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    • Maybe ours was a rebound, but we took it all slowly to let her heal and deal with stuff. And since she still exhibits feelings for me, I'm not so sure. She doesn't do that with other guys. Even with the guy she's with now she still keeps coming back to me to keep in contact with me one way or another. And it's like she tries to find reasons not to like me yet struggles with some inner conflict. But she may just need more time to deal with stuff regardless of who she's with. She was also abused.

  • U think her being abused some how make her not emotionally available for u?

    Abused..how mentally, physical abuse? By whom her ex spouse, or family member?.

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    • She was abused emotionally and sexually by about every guy she's ever known including her father and her ex-husband. I know she's somewhat emotionally unstable from all that, though that seemed to change with us together because I didn't abuse her and gave her time to heal and tried to help her work through those issues. But then she said her feelings for me were too much, too intense. And she ran like I described above.

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    • I'm really blown away by what you said. Your description is one of the most amazing things I've ever heard. I've never known that's how they feel.

    • Ok, I hope you guys figure things out. She's bee. Manipulated a lot, by all the men she trusted.. It's hard when you been jaded to actually see the light at the end of a dark tunnel...and it's a scary situation to feel that light all over Ur body...and can't trust it. Trust me it sucks..u miss out and we tend to stick to what we know, cause it all is scary..anyways.. she probably do need time to heal. But I'm banking she needs you too. Good luck.

What Guys Said 1

  • I've been through that 'trust and privacy' issue with women recently, and they'll hold a big grudge against you for that for a very long time. I think it's because it's a convenient excuse to keep 'dating' casually without commitment or tying themselves down, which they desperately want to avoid after a divorce, at least for a while.

    There's not way to inveigle her into being with you..she's going to avoid guys that she feels emotionally involved with, or dependent on, and you can't change her mind about that.

    She MAY feel differently with time, but I've known women who NEVER will let themselves be involved with anyone they feel emotionally close to again! You may never be allowed to be more than a friend, sorry to say.

    Good luck, but I'm not optimistic for you, sorry. It's not your fault, so don't get depressed about it.

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    • That's pretty interesting. Thx for the insight on grudges and excuses. I can see that. And she was also abused before. But she still exhibits feelings for me. She doesn't do that with other guys. Even with the guy she's with now she still keeps coming back to me to keep in contact with me one way or another. It's like she tries to find reasons not to like me yet struggles with some inner conflict. She may just need more time to deal with stuff regardless of who she's with.

    • That's no doubt true, but abused people often don't EVER recover, and NEVER can be comfortable in a 'normal' relationship. They actually feel more comfortable being abused..they know what to expect then, and won't be disappointed.

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