Ex girlfriend called after 3.5 months of NC, but says no to trying again. Feedback appreciated. Long story.

So my ex girlfriend broke up with me in April. It was a short relationship, we never got to the 'i love you' stage. But we were passionate and she was one of the most wonderful and kind people I've ever met. She was inexperienced and shy, but always caring and honest.

When she broke up with me, she was crying and said that it wasn't working.

After 3.5 months NC, she finally texted me. I waited a day to respond and we had a short polite conversation. She mentioned that she felt scared that I wouldn't respond, that I was angry with her. (Not true at all) She said that a close fam. member just passed away.

For the last few weeks we've had a few short but great text conversations. She's been funny, and warm and even a bit flirty.

This week we finally had a phone call. It lasted for 2.5 hours and was pretty light at first. But we got right back into our normal rhythm; funny, warm, kind, etc.

I asked her what made her want to reach out to me and she said that the BU was really rough on her. She cried for days and weeks and wanted to talk to me. Everyday she'd tell herself not to. And then when her fam. member passed, she NEEDED to hear from me.

She started asking if I was dating. I thought at this point she fishing to reconcile. I played it cool and funny and she laughed. She mentioned that she had a few horrible dates and I said the same. She asked me if I ever thought about her, or the BU. I said that I thought the BU was probably the best decision at that time. That it took guts but it was healthy to do. But I said that I thought about it afterward and always thought that were some things we could've done to fix what wasn't working. Little tweaks.

And that's when she disagreed. She said that she never really felt completely at "ease" w me. That she knew that she cared about me and thought that I was one of the most genuine and wonderful guys she's ever met, but thinks that my confidence in myself, and my emotions, makes her feel nervous since she doesn't. At this point she was crying again. She said that she knew that I didn't want just friends and couldn't do that...but she had to reach out nonetheless after the death. That she thought about me everyday and truly cares about me and misses me...and doesn't want this to be the last time we ever talk.

That really confused me.

Now...I'm doing really well. Seeing friends, going on new dates, working hard. Even though I would love another shot with her, and we know that we care about one another, I think we both realized that we wouldn't be talking to each other anytime soon. I guess what I'd like to know is that why would she reach out to me, after crying for weeks and after an important family crisis...when she doesn't feel at 'ease' with me. I guess I know she just wants friends...but why be friends or care about a guy you don't feel at 'ease' with.

Right now I'm going back NC. I guess I'll either hear from her at some point...or never.

Thanks in advance

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What Girls Said 1

  • are you guys both in your 30's? I'm guessing she likes you, but she can't be with you (even though she wants to, so she's being rational by avoiding you to protect herself). if she's shy and inexperienced , your confidence might make her feel uncomfortable or threaten her confidence in her self or make her feel inferior to you, I can't definitely tell if it's her problem or if it's something you're causing and that you can fix. But she definitely cares about you, and she wanted to make sure she didn't hurt you because she did not mean to , nor wanted to. We care about how guys feel, especially ones we care about. Plus since she's going through a family crisis, she very vulnerable so it's her weakest states of mind where she feels the need for you,because she likes you, and you like her too, and at this time she can't use the logic she's been using for months.it's kinda instinctive, you can force some habits when you're mentally strong even if you like or need those habits, but when you're weak you can't prevent yourself from reaching out to whatever is gonna ease you pain or your needs.

    the other thing, may be she's trying to get or give you both closure, because she didnot dumb you because she doesnot like you but for other reasons

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    • Thank you so much for this comment. That makes a lot of sense. She has a very analytical mind...she thinks through everything..and I feel as though she's very empathetical to everyone around her too. I've just never dealt with this kind of girl confusion before. She said early on that it takes her a long while to feel comfortable with new people - whether friends or dating. A part of me feels like this is just her process and one day she'll realize it. I can't wait around for that though.

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