Moving in with your SO, when is it right or wrong?

When is it too soon, or is there really a timeline?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over 5 months. Things have been good so far. We get along well and communicate really well. We haven't had a big fight, although we have had our disagreements. We always seem to talk them out and work out a solution that works for us.

My boyfriend for the past few months has been asking me to move in with him. I currently live 30 min away from him, but am down every weekend, and sometimes during the week. I like being around him, and staying with him. And do like the idea of us living together.

However, one thing that holds me back is that everyone says moving in too soon is bad. But really is there a definite too soon? Or does this depend on the couple?

We are not teens or in school. We have both graduated and have started our careers. We both already live on our own and have for several years. I'm 24 and he is 28, turning 29 at the end of the year.

I am planning on saving up some emergency money if this doesn't work out.

The main reason I want to live with him is because I enjoy spending time with him. And I feel that if we live together, we would have more quality time with each other. But I still have my own stuff I like to do as well. Plus I would be in the city that I love (I lived there before for 2 years).

I also have lots of friends here and it's closer to my family.

So what do you guys think? Are we incredibly naive? Or do you think this might be the best choice? I plan on sitting down with him and having a serious talk about living together.

Any tips, advice or suggestions are welcome :)


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you're thinking too low of your own judgement. I am 21 and I trust my instincts. You bet if I thought moving in with my boyfriend, at 24, was a good move to make, I'd go for it and not look back. I'll tell you how things are with the couples I know, if you're interesting in the comparison.

    1) My boyfriend is 23, I am 21, going on 2 years together. Live apart. Boyfriend still lives with his family. I live with my brother in an apartment, about an hour away from my boyfriend. We see each other once or twice a week. I am DEFINATELY hoping he'll tell me he wants to live with me around this year, since he'll soon finish his master's and we've been together for a long time without a lot of quality time, so I NEED more closeness in the near future.

    2) Girl met boy during high school. 7 years together. Never lived together. Bought a house together the year the girl was graduating (guy is older), in December. Were about to move in but the guy choked and dumped her (he calls it a ''break'') in June. Needless to say, the girl was devastated and my jaw dropped to the floor. Guy is currently living alone in the house.

    3) Girl and boy are together for at least 4 years. Not living together. The girl lives with her family, the guy has always had flatmates for the past years. Both graduated this year and the guy renewed his rent with another dude. Still no known plan to live together. My bet: They'll move straight into a house of their own.

    4) Guy and girl are together for I don't know how long. Guy lived with another dude for a whole year, in an apartment. Graduated, then moved out to live with his girlfriend.

    5) Guy and girl are together since a few years. Guy moved out of his parents' house after graduating. His girlfriend had been working full-time for 2 years already, so they bought a house together in a remote city. Guy still doesn't have a job after graduating (although girl makes a ton of money).

    6) Guy and girl dated for a year or 2, knew each other for a few more years before. Guy lived in uni residence, girl lived in an apartment alone. Girl had been working full-time and making a lot of money for the past 2 years. Decided this summer to live together. Got an apartment and are splitting 50/50 although the guy is still a full-time student at uni. Girl provides car that she paid for.

    So as you can see, all situations are different. To me, graduating is the breaking point. I think that past then, you know what you need and what you want in life, career-wise and for a partner. So the choice is yours, but honestly, I wouldn't move in with my SO if I didn't see myself marrying him in a few years. That's my personal preference though.

    • Thank you for the very thorough answer! :) This helps alot! All my life I have lived my life according to how the 'rules' are. I only did something if I knew I would not risk anything, and I'm sick of playing it safe. I think we are good to move in together. He has talked about marriage and a future together. I know that sounds early, but he is 28, turning 29 and I am 24. So it's not like we are really that young. Thanks again for your answer :)

    • You're welcome! Don't think that ''sounds early''. My parents got married right after university, at 23 or 24, after 2 years of dating. My mom keeps saying ''it either fits or it doesn't'', as if a husband is a pair of shoes. She says that after 2 years, you know whether it fits or it doesn't. I'm not even at 2 years now and I know it fits, so I can imagine that it must go faster when you're olden. By then, you often have your life and yourself figured out already ;)

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • First thing you should consider, can you two afford this, and I mean rent, utilities, gas, food, car payments and insurance if applicable, deposit, emergency fund (car breaks down, you have to go to the hospital, unplanned travel a long distance). It's a lot to figure out, but if you can manage that, then I see no reason not to go for it. I wish I could afford to do that same with my girlfriend but apartments near me start at 950 and range to over 5000 a month. I hope you guys can manage it.


What Girls Said 2

  • The reason that it is too soon is because people don't start showing. Their real selves until after one year. You are in the honeymoon stage. You are still blind to his defects and he is blind to yours. After a year, you start getting annoyed at the little things, and will need to work through them. If you move in together, they will all come to you in one swift blow. And one big blow is harder toget through then a bunch of little ones.

  • PLEASE NOTE: No one can tell you if it's too soon, too late, or anything in between. This is ultimately YOUR decision, so be honest with yourself - you don't want to regret it one way or another.

    It sounds to ME that you have your head on straight, but it concerns me that you're worried. Do you feel he'd be okay with you waiting until you're not worried at all?


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