My boyfriend is now feeling more like a best friend, losing feelings...What is a good way of telling him?

So, I'm in a predicament:

I've been dating my new boyfriend for about 3 months and just now I realized that I love him as a friend and we could possibly be nothing more than friends & I feel like honestly he should get back together with his ex. I feel like from what he told me that he just didn't try hard enough to save their relationship. He still obviously has feelings for her and I feel like everyone makes mistakes and yea she messed up she cheated like 2 times, but I believe he still wants to try and make it work. He says like he really cares about me and he wants to be with me and I'm one of the only girls that likes him for him and I make him feel good, a way he never felt. We were talking about his ex today and he got like real defensive when I mentioned them getting back together he said "I'm not worried about her so why are you?"

We had some situations earlier in our relationship we we first started out because he was still talking to the ex I was referring to and was like he still wanted to be her friend and he cares about her as a friend. But when I would bring up the situation about him and his ex getting back together he got really upset. I asked him why he didn't give it another chance and I was like was it because she hurt you and he said I don't know maybe it is I just never thought about it so why are you. He said he doesn't get me first I wanted them to stop talking and now I'm bringing it up he got mad. And I told him why I did and he got quiet. I realized that I'd just rather be his friend and not his girlfriend anymore. He's a good boyfriend but he's just not over his ex and I just want to be by myself. What is a good way of telling hiM? I just only want to be his friend not his girlfriend anymore or am I just over thinking things? I don't know ..i really need some advice about this. I've never been in a relationship like this before.
Should I give it a few days before I make my decision or just go with it? I don't know what to do


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What Guys Said 2

  • I think you need to ask yourself some things. Are you afraid of getting hurt and choosing your breakup rationale now in a way that is paletteable to you? Or, are you just disatisfied with the relationship in general and want out?

    On one hand (scenario #1), you might be losing the feelings because you don't want to play second fiddle to the ex- -- maybe you think he is way too involved with her. But are you sure that you know how he feels? It sounds like you made this up and not him.

    On the other hand (scenario #2), you just don't like him as a boyfriend anymore. Maybe he's more inconsiderate than you first thought he was, or has some shortcoming you didn't see in the beginning, or carries some horrible disease :) And so you want out.

    My advice is if you are scenario #2 just let him know you're disatisfied and tell him the reason you brought up the ex- is you wanted someone he could go to and not feel completely cut off; it was your way of setting him down easy.

    My advice in scenario #1 is you need to know what he really thinks and feels, and you need to get the assurances (from him) that you need from getting hurt. It would be a shame to throw away a perfectly good relationship because you saw a monster under the bed that was never really there. If this whole thing is fear driven, not much good will come of it.

  • So do you want to break up with him because you're losing interest or because he still keeps contact with his ex-girlfriend? Which is it?

    There is never an easy way to break up with some one. Maybe you can explain what you just wrote here? Just remember that most people don't stay friends after a break up. Friendship also goes both ways. Just because you want to stay friends doesn't mean he'll want to -- though he might initially agree with your proposition due to the feelings he'll still have for you.

    If you go through with it I suggest taking a considerable amount of distance, so he can get completely over you. Only then can you discuss being friends without any hard feelings or hidden agendas.


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