Is there any way to skip or avoid the pain of a break-up?

Three and a half months later with a new love interest and I still need to have crying episodes sometimes.. I miss him :(
Thanks to everyone that answered. It hurts so much.. three months later and I was mostly fine and then today I just balled and felt like my heart was breaking.. it's such an adjustment when you've had such a strong bond, best friendship and relationship with someone where you did everything together and now they are gone. It's like a piece of me is gone and I won't ever be able to talk to him or see him again


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  • I dated my ex for a little over a year and we had to split for college and it was a heart ripping experience because she ended up in a relationship with one of her guy friends within a week of us breaking up. Most of all, she lied to me so I had to cut it off with her. It took me 6 months to get over her but I'm at the point of not thinkin about her at all and life is great.

    I thought about my ex everyday for 6 months but then finally just woke up one morning and realized that I hadn't thought about her for a whole week.. I then fealt a sense of life again and finally moved on. I don't think about her at all anymore.

    The arc of life is funny sometimes.. as much as I hated the pain of waking up each morning and going to bed at night through those 6 months, I'm extremely thankful I went through it. Sounds crazy but break ups have a positive affect too. All that pain molded me into a much stronger and more mature person today than I ever was.

    Break ups are scarring, but once that scab heals over and the scar is there, the skin is left thicker and stronger. Think about that. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to enjoy life at its fullest. Keep yourself engaged in life and keeping busy.

    Everyone thinks about their ex during the stages of a break up. I don't care who the person is, we all do.. but at some point you realize that life goes on and time passes and your ex is not a matter to you anymore. Hang in there :)

    • Good for you :) Great honest attitude. Love your honesty

    • Thank you! I hope this helped:) Everything will work out, trust me. Thanks for BA!

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What Guys Said 6

  • Unfortunately there's no real way to skip it. It's a grieving process, a lot of the time. Grief for a life you thought you'd have, or share, and now you're on a new one. It happens. Unfortunately there's no way to skip it. You can't control emotions. You can't tell yourself not to feel something. Feelings don't really work like that. Feelings aren't rational. You feel what you feel.

    Basically all you can do is wait it out, and hope it passes soon. Usually cutting off all contact with your ex, and making sure you have no connection or way to check up on, or peek into your ex's life in any way, shape or form, tends to help. The less you see your ex, the less you have to remind you, the less you think about your ex, is all the better. Believe me.

    From there on, it's the usual stuff. Find someone new (check, apparently - though I usually recommend getting over your ex, first, to avoid rebounds, but sometimes it can work the other way.) and keep distracted. Pour yourself in work, friends, family, and your new relationship. Surround yourself with good times, and good people, and just keep your mind occupied. That tends to help.

    I don't know if any of that will help. There is no set amount of time that this bad funk runs out, and the way you deal with it varies from person to person, so if that doesn't help, it's understandable. Still, it couldn't hurt, right? Sorry I can't give you a way to bypass this whole post-breakup period, but hey, if there was a way, I'm sure everyone would know it, and everyone would do it, right?


    I'm not sure how well this will do you, but hopefully, it's a start, and maybe it will get you somewhere.

    Good luck.

    • But I CRAVE to see pictures of him, to see what he's doing. He's so harsh to me :( like calling me a dumb bitch and saying he wants to finally be rid of the worst thing in his life. It hurts so bad. He was my best friend. We connected so much! I just can't believe this. I have never connected and felt more comfortable with someone like I did with him. Thanks

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    • Thanks. I truly do feel like a piece of me is gone though you know? I truly truly do, deep down. So it's hard to simply "look at it differently" but I'll try to think of it differently. Thanks

    • I understand. I know it's not easy. It wasn't easy for me either. It took me a long time to get this calm about it, but I did. I know that this is one of those things where people can tell you what to do, or how to look at things, or how things are, but you kinda need to figure out what all that means for yourself, by coming to those conclusions on your own terms. People tried to tell me, too, but I couldn't get it. Understandable. Feelings aren't rational.

  • 1)Don't be embarrassed to cry. You've been hurt - expect the tears to keep coming. There are few people who can get over heartbreak without shedding tears, so let them flow. If you bottle up your feelings, you'll only end up making yourself worse later. Let everything lose and don't hold anything back.

    2)Find something to help you take your mind off your heartbreak for a while. It will pass, and you need something to help you forget about it, even if only for a few minutes. Activities you enjoy and help you relax and forget about everything else.

    3)Talk to your friends and family. That's what they're there for! A good friend you trust will be a good person to try and talk to. A parent or sibling may also be a good choice for someone to talk to.

    4)Try and get on with your life. Focus for a while on your career and family. If you help someone else out, you'll feel good, and have a chance to take your mind off the pain. Good times are a great way to help you get over heartbreak. Keep on going with your day and focus on your work.

    5)Keep it in perspective! Think about the positive things in your life, and what you have left. Think about what you can do with your future, and don't let your loss destroy the rest of your life too. Letting the feeling overcome you will lead you down a road that isn't too pleasant.

    6)Rebuild your life. Get engrossed in new things, and try not to look back on the past. The more you move forward, the less it will hurt. Keep yourself occupied, so you don't have time to be upset. Keep moving forward.

    7)Talk to a professional. You may need to see a psychologist or other such professional person if your grief is really destroying your life. A professional will care and will know how to help you. They can almost certainly offer further and better advice.

    8)Accept it. You might never quite be happy about the event that caused your heartbreak, and you'll probably always shed a tear to think about it. You will eventually, however, find that you can live without it getting in the way. Time is a great healer, especially in the case of heartbreak.

    9)And lastly ,you are not alone on this world who is suffering from it ,understand that

    Hope this helps ^_^

    • Thanks. It hurts so much

    • Consider it as a part of life and move on.. :)

      There are lots of important things for you in this universe rather than crying over a person ,you know..

      everything happens for a reason and you learn something new from every mistake.. So ,be happy and god bless you ^_^

    • I'm crying buckets..

  • I've been in a lot of breakups and for ages it took me a long time to get over it, Now I realize that I just have to accept it and that being sad doesn't help, it won't win the person back and it makes me feel miserable. I prefer to just move on and start looking for the next person, I've found a lot of dates right after a bad break up and if I didn't accept the previous breakups as quickly I'd not have had the chance to meet some amazing people and I'd still be upset. Put it this way, yes I'm upset... but all it does is waste time, the chances of getting back together with someone right away are low... If it's meant to be it'll happen in the future, I find that most break ups happen because one person is already interested in someone else, so I tend to think... Well if they're just going to move on I may as well. I'd rather just accept it and move on instead of dwelling on it, because being sad for months gets you nowhere. It doesn't even help emotionally, it just keeps me in a state of being sad and lonely.

    • You can't control your emotions though. Neither can I. I'm doing my best. I'll feel fine all day and then it hits me like a brick and I ball.

    • As I said, I do feel sad about it but knowing the sooner I accept it the better it is for me makes it easier. I used to take forever to get over relationships, now I'm so used to being broken up with it takes me no time at all. It's a bit scary and feels ruthless but at least it doesn't hold me down.

  • No, there's some pain everyone goes through after breaking up, but hopefully you can figure out how to get over it over time.

  • If it truly was meaningful, then there is no way to really skip or avoid the pain, I believe.

    If you're looking for a way to speed it up, maybe find some way to put yourself around guys more or do some activity with some friends or something, maybe just to get your ex off your mind? Idle hands are the devil's tools right? Well, idle minds can be just as bad when trying to get your mind off something. Plus, "time heals all wounds" and yadda yadda.

    Sometimes, there is nothing you can do. There may always be some small instance of pain, but as long as you can accept, even embrace, it for what it is, you'll be fine.

    Also, putting it in perspective helps alot.

  • What I did was go out there and meet new people. You won't forget him yet, but you won't remember him every minute. When time passes, amazing people will help you get over him


What Girls Said 1

  • There's no possible way. It's been 6 months for me and it still kills me every day! Don't worry hun time will tell <3


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