Hi I will keep this as brief as possible but need some help. I have known this girl for 2 years and over the past year we have become really close as we have helped each other through some tough times. I am 32 and she is 31. Around 6 months ago I knew I was falling for her and around 3 months ago I had to tell her. She was fine with it and explained I had taken her by surprise, she asked for some time to think about what I had said as she had never thought about me that way. I have her some space and we had no contact for two weeks until she contacted me to meet up where she explained she was still unsure but couldn't allow herself to see me as anything other than a friend and a support as I had been the one to help her through her hard time and she was afraid of losing me if it went wrong.
This sounded reasonable so I accepted it and explained I wanted us to remain friends too but that I would need to sort my feelings out for a while, she accepted this.
However, since that time things have changed, she constantly tells me how many guys chat her up or ask her out and she has taken to having guys stay over at hers every weekend (and she goes out both nights every weekend which is her prerogative and she isn't harming anyone but she has changed since she has started doing this). She always adds that these guys stay on the couch and they are friends but they are also the guys she has told me that like her.
If I try to back off then she always finds a reason to need to chat and then turns that into drinks after work or days out together at the park etc where we sit for hours having a laugh, but she always brings up our situation and its almost like she enjoys hearing me tell her how much I like her just to rebuff me again.
She makes flirty jokes which she never used to and sings suggestive made up song lyrics to me almost teasing me. A few weeks ago we went out and I saw a girl who I knew and chatted for a while innocently, when I went back to the table she had invited a guy over and was all over him. Then I had the third degree over who the girl was that I had been chatting to.
Everybody tells me that she clearly likes me but she denies she does so again I have had to say I need space from her which is hard as we see each other every day in work. She got upset and asked if we could meet Friday night as we were both out with our friends. I agreed and then she asked where I was so I told her and she just didn't show up but text the following day saying "oops sorry I didn't want to leave where I was". I am not the type who things get to but I feel she is making a mockery of me now and my friends all said on Friday I am looking a bit of a mug now.
Question is how the heck do I back off when I work with her and she knows all of my feelings? It's like she won't allow me to and its rocking my confidence. She never initiates texts either and waits a day to reply, if she replies at all.
Most Helpful Girl
Sounds like she enjoys the ego boost and the attention, without consideration of how this is messing with you.
If you make it clear to her that your feelings have changed - even if it's only in outward appearance, by setting boundaries on your friendship and not being so responsive or pro-active with her - she will be none the wiser. People's feelings can change quite quickly.
This will protect you and should stop her behaving the way she is. It might be the end of your friendship, but so be it - maybe it was never a good friendship anyway as it sounds one-sided in terms of effort.0