Why is this woman doing this to me? Please help, losing my mind.

This girl I'm in love with, that I went to hs with she has a boyfriend but she obviously likes me and does things to try and get my attention.

I'm gonna make this short and not add our whole story, basically we liked each other a whole lot, I never made a move because I was to shy to and her current boyfriend persued her the whole time she was persueing me.

I know I hurt her self esteem unintentionally. Does she still like me, but is afraid to break up up with her boyfriend for me?

She is shy in this area like me and lacks a back bone at times. It's clear she likes me, but is still with her boyfriend?

Any women on here ever feel this way but couldn't break up with her boyfriend even though she wants to? She doesn't have the courage?


Most Helpful Girl

  • If she knows how you feel about her, then she's probably scared of breaking up with her boyfriend. She's indecisive for one of many reasons. She could be afraid of you changing your mind, if she gave you a chance and she would have lost someone to be with.

    I just went through pretty much the same scenario very recently, and MY problem was I'm in love with this guy Matt who I didn't 100% trust at the moment, but was dating Justin a guy who I didn't LOVE but he was good to me and never hurt me. I was scared that if I left Justin for Matt, that Matt would change his mind about me or whatever and then I would have lost Justin and had no one at all. (It's selfish but true).

    So it all came down to a choice. Do I go to the guy I love or say with the guy who made me feel secure?

    So she may be having the same conflict in her head and too scared to do anything at the moment. My advice is to make sure she knows you love her with all your heart and MEAN IT. =] things will work out.

    • she doesn't know how I feel I'm pretty sure. This answer was so helpful, I can't even tell you how much.

      What did you end up doing? I love her so much, it's killing me.

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    • Thank you, was it hard breaking up with Justin? I haven't made my feelings known to her, because like matthew I was crushed when she started dating this guy, but at the same time knew it was my fault because I never showed her, or made a move because I was to nervous.

      Because unfortunately I know girls that stay with their boyfriend because they don't wanna hurt him and get along well with his friends and family.which I think is a bad reason.

    • It was very hard honestly. I loved Matt. I knew that in the back of my head I didn't really LOVE Justin. However, I had developed strong feelings for Justin and I felt bad that as soon as Matt came back my chain was automatically bound to his. So I tried to convince myself that I had a tough choice to make, when in reality I was just scared to hurt his feelings. But I did what was best for ME. I just had to bring myself to that point.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Hi! Sounds like she likes you, however, like you said you never made a move to pursue her while her current boyfriend did. Since she is still trying to get your attention, she is very likely to be interested in you. I have experienced a rather similar situation in my life and I suppose you should make a move and tell her what you feel. She does not break up with her boyfriend because he took the initiative and it was obvious to her that he had been interested in her and wanted to date her. I know it is not easy to make the first move, it takes courage, however, it is a lot more difficult for a girl to do that. Confession will show her that you have made up your mind and you were ready to take responsibility, and then you will know her decision. Any result will be a result - you will be able to move forward and you will get valuable experience.

    In my case once I was making moves, the guy looked shy and it was hard to understand his motives and whether he would start making moves. We have not seen each other for a couple of months, and I have different plans but I would be glad if he calls one day and suggests going out. So do not be shy!

    • This is my case almost exactly I believe, I'm the shy guy and I feel like she's making moves on me.

      I just feel so damn guilty and I feel like a horrible evil person because she has a boyfriend, but I honestly do love her.

      Did you have a boyfriend in your question situation? And I appreciate you answering, it helps.

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    • Thank you for answering it helped.

    • Good luck!

  • Do not try to break them up.

    Do not try to lead her away from him.

    I'm not assuming you're doing that, I'm just giving you a warning. A relationship that is rooted in deceit will probably end in deceit.

    If you guys spend time together, let her know that as long as she's with the other guy you won't be making any moves or anything like that. I do hope that you have respect for her relationship, you should if you have any respect for her.

    That's what I say!

    • She is the one sending signals, not me and has been the entire time they have been dating. And I think I'm gonna have to start sending them to because I love her, and don't want to regret not doing so.

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    • Thank you, that's what I was planning on doing. I am in no way am trying pressure her or provoke an answer out of her.

      I simply would like to know if there's a chance for us because I am all depressed over her and want at the very least some closure you know?

    • I absolutely understand.

      I think that if you feel that way and she obviously feels something back, then you guys could definitely have a chance.

  • I will keep this short and sweet. OK if you say she has no backbone? Courage? Than why would you want to. Be with a woman that don't pocess those things? One more things if she has the nerve to breakup with her boyfriend for you than that's not someone you should choose or trust. A wise person once told me if they do it with you or for you they will do it to you. It's your heart on the line just be carful because the heart breaks very easily.

    • Because I love her. And my heart is already broken so I have nothing to lose, and could get closure from this.

  • I was with with a guy throughout the second half of high school until my freshman year in college- this exact situation really except the other guy was an ex.

    My story was that I didn't wanna break up with my boyfriend because I loved him and I wasn't about to let another guy (who was actually pretty hot, funny, and cool) break us up because I knew how much of a player he was. I was afraid of getting hurt even though he promised me the world and wanted to show me off to his friends as his girl so badly.

    All you can do is be a friend..not to pushy like trying to be romantic or sexual, but just being there when she needs someone to talk to and also just to ask her about her day or what ever may be going on in her life atm.

    The ex boyfriend did this and was a shoulder to cry on when the boyfriend I had back then started getting possessive and abusive.

    You might have a chance if you're that guy, but just keep in mind girls tend to mark their territory pretty quick. Ask yourself "Am I wanting to have a full on committed relationship with this girl, take her out, and treat her? Is marriage a possibility?" If not, I'd stop trying to pursue her.

    Also take into account if she's flirty with you or cheats on her boyfriend. She may do it to you if you get together.

    • thank you. what happened to you and your boyfriend though?

  • Idk ask her what's up

  • Maybe she is insecure and thinks in a very selfish way: I don't want to break up and in case he doesn't like ma for sure I lost both. Or she really don't kno how to get out of this relationship and you giving her confidence would help. Maybe you should take all your courage and talk to her. Maybe it won't come out the ay you want it, but maybe it wiƶll be a relief for both of you and finally someone said all the things both were scared to say before

  • you have to talk about it with her, if she doesn't have feelings for this guy she is just leading him on, it's not going to be easy for him to break up with him but it has to be done if you guys truly have feelings for each other. I hope it works out for you guys :)

    • Thanks, did you to say it isn't going to be easy for her to break up with him.

      You said it isn't going to be easy him to break up with him.

What Guys Said 1

  • read the text before posting bro xD so you askin girls but my opinion is yes she may not have the courage to leave the other guy maybe cause shez not sure you like her so show her your feelings

    • I'm the type of guy that is not convinced easily that a girl likes him, or feels strongly about him. I have serious trust issues, and feel like she is messing with my heart being with her boyfriend and then showing me signals it's driving me insane.

      If she loved me or liked me, I don't know id'e feel like she wouldn't be with him f*** man I wish that I could control what I felt.

      Thanks for your answer though, and what text? I didn't mean to exclude men from the question I am not thinking straight right

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    • No you can't help how you feel about someone.

    • I didn't say I was going to persue her tho, just pointing out the fact that you can't help how you feel and the chemistry love and attraction you feel for someone.

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