Ex boyfriend still acting like my boyfriend? Confused, what does he want?

My ex and I broke up two weeks ago... he really wants to still hang out and stuff he just "can't handle" the commitment. He doesn't want us dating other people but that confuses me because, isn't that a relationship? It took him a while to break up because he was scared I wouldn't want to be friends and he is desperate to still see me. He's texted me everyday since.

Anyways, we waited a week to hang out again. I told him I just needed some time. Then, when we did hang out, everything felt completely normal and great again. We just chatted and had a good time, it was his friend's birthday at a bar so we were drinking. He kept pulling me away from the group to our own table to talk... it felt very much like a date but I told myself he just wanted to catch up since it had been a week.

When we got back to his apartment (where my car was), he begged me to stay because he thought I was too drunk to drive. I agreed that was the smart choice. I told him I would stay but that we weren't hooking up, he said he understood.

Then, once we're in bed, he kisses me. I kissed back for a minute but then I stopped and was like, we're not having sex remember?, and he got irritated. He was like I don't understand, you flirt with me all night and act like everything is OK, and you let me kiss you, but you won't have sex with me? Nothing has to change why can't we just act the same as when we were together.

I don't get it... he is asking me to still hang out, still hook up, and not date anyone else and he won't either... isn't that the definition of a relationship? What does he actually want?! I know he is confused but that's not a fair arrangement.

I haven't seen him since. I left because it was awkward and he told me he'd see me soon.. I have no idea what he wants from me


Most Helpful Girl

  • First of all how long had you guys been together?

    1)This case is one or the other. He either wants to spice things up again cause he felt things got too serious (what guys call boring) too quick, and believes this is the only way to do it.

    2) He may not know what he wants right now, wants to take a break but at the same time not completely remove himself from the relationship you guys had in case he realizes he made a huge mistake and wants to turn back.

    He's the only one who knows which one it could be. Talk to him about it one on one.

    If you don't do that then ignore him completely for a couple of weeks in which case you'll realize whether or not he really wants you back cause he'll come rushing back to you saying you guys need to talk then he has no other choice but to listen.

    I'd go with the first especially if you guys have been together for quite some time plus it hurts less.

    Hope this helps xx

    • We were together a little over a year. Thanks for the advice... my biggest dilemma is deciding whether its a good idea to hang out or if I should just distance myself for a bit.

    • If you think it's well worth it and that this could just be a road bump but there may be a smooth road ahead, then by all means you should speak to him especially if you're still gonna hang out with him anyway. But if you can literally live without him and he could cause nothing but more heartache then leave and never look back.

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What Girls Said 2

  • To me it seems like he just wants someone to be with and hook up with until he can find someone "better" and that's why he doesn't want a commitment, so he can see many people at the same time, but still have you to fall back on. And that's not fair to you.

  • Sounds like he just wants to be friends with benefits or he wants to get back with you.


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