Help. How do I handle the break up with my boyfriend?

A couple weeks ago my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. He said he had a lot going on in his life, his life is unstable right now, he works all the time and doesn't have a car so it'll be hard to see me often like I want, he has court dates coming up, he doesn't give me what I deserve in a relationship. He basically said he didn't have time for a relationship right now because right now with so much going on in his life its hard to give our relationship the time it needs. But for right now he said he wants to be best friends forever.

I was really heart broken by this. But I then realized that it was for the best because he wasn't giving me what I needed and wanted from a relationship and man. He told me that once he gets things in order he wants to be with me and only me...but I don't know if I should wait around on that. A few days after we broke up I found out that he made 2 accounts to dating websites. One he made before we broke up and the other one he made after we broke up. Yes technically we are single and he can do what he wants but it really broke my heart that he did this because he's telling me that we will get back together and he's not ging to talk to other girls. And he texts me everyday and still acts like we are a couple.

I asked him about it. And I asked if he was looking for other people to just let me know so I can move on. He said he made it for no special reason. He was selfish and stupid and that's why he made it. ...He said one of them a friewnd pressured him into making but he was never going to use the sites to hook up with girls. After I found those webites it made me question made me question if we will get back together or was he lying, will he talk to other girls, will he sleep with other girls...I know question everything kind of.

I don't know how to handle this situation between us. Most days we talk like bff and he makes me smile. Some days I want to be his bff and believe that he will get his self together like he says and we'll be back together again, and other days I'm pissed at him for how he didn't treat me like I should have been treated in our relationship, and never invited me along on adventures. Some days I wonder if I should just move on and find another man...its really hard for me because I love him with all my heart. I had many experiences with him and first time memories. I don't know what I should do...?


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What Guys Said 1

  • honestly the break up was a bit questionable to begin with but then factoring in the dating sites and it's clear. he's just not invested in the relationship. his work, lack of car, and court dates were excuses. you probably felt like he wasn't giving you what you needed because he wasn't putting out the effort.

    I hate to say this but he checked out, settled the bill, called it a day, etc.

    i think the best thing for you is probably to give yourself space from him. I think his desire to be friends and if things clear up for him ... is really him try to hold a place with you so that if he doesn't find what he's looking for (which sounds like a different relationship) he can come back to you.

    I really don't want to sound mean or rude but it seems like he created excuses for his behavior when the fact was he was just done with the relationship. for your sake you should probably close the door on communication with him for a while. It's better for you to take car of yourself and talking with him I think is like dangling the carrot in front of the horse, essentially that light that perhaps he'll come back.


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