Please tell me why I shouldn't try being friends with my ex?

My ex and I broke up last Thursday after almost 2 years together. I managed to maintain no contact ever since but whenever I know he's around (ex: during his evening classes at uni, where I live by), I get VERY tempted to text him and ask if we can chat after his class.

He initiated the breakup but insisted he wanted to stay friends. He said I was a very good friend and he wants me to stay a good friend because I'm important to him and he enjoys spending time with me. I told him I don't want to stay friends and that I'll need my space and no contact for a while.

Although I'm moving on okay (I think), I find myself wondering how he's taking the breakup, what he's up to and why he wants me as a friend (I wonder if he was just bullsh*tting me to ease the pain of dumping me). He was my first boyfriend and I his first girlfriend and he said he wants us to stay in good terms. I don't know if he just feels guilty about the dumping and wants to ease his conscience by remaining friends.

And besides, I am curious to know if

a) He figured stuff out about his feelings for me and our relationship after I left for good. (aka the truth about what he ''wasn't sure about" or maybe didn't have the guts to tell me).

b) I ACTUALLY moved on or not. We broke up on the phone and it's been a week since I saw him. I'm very curious to know how I'd react and feel if I saw him in person right now. I don't know if I'm ready for it, although I feel like I am. For some reason, I'm VERY eager to get him out of my system.
Oh and I forgot to say he didn't contact me either. I'm wondering if it's because he's waiting for me to make the first move (he knows I'm not eager to be friends whatsoever) or if it's because he, indeed, doesn't give a damn and already isn't willing to put in any effort to remain friends.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok, I'm going to share my experiences. My first break up ever, I dumped my boyfriend. I told him that I still wanted to be friends because I knew that cutting it cold turkey would just make me wonder about him and possibly try to get back with him (which would have been a very bad idea). He agreed to the friendship but I realized that about after a week I was totally over him and really did not care for his friendship.

    My second break up, I was dumped. This was really hard because I kept thinking what did I do wrong? Don't do that to yourself. A lot of the time it actually isn't you, it's them. Anyways, I stalked him on Facebook and instagram for awhile after the breakup. Finally one day I saw him liking another girl's pictures a lot (just like how he used to like mine), and I was shocked to realize that I just did not care whatsoever.

    Everyone is different in how they handle things. I suggest forgetting about him. Seriously. Go buy some sexy clothes, look at yourself in the mirror and be confident, and listen to "I'm Out" by Ciara and Niki Minaj. Don't waste and tears or thoughts on the past.

    "If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present" - Lao Tzu. Live in the now and don't look back.

    • Thanks a lot for sharing your experiences. I DON'T WANT to get back together. My friends and family were very clear after the breakup that it was for the best and that they didn't like him for a while and already knew it wouldn't work. Anyway, I'm doing better, although I still feel a void, obviously. I think I don't care anymore but part of me wants to confirm that by seeing him. I'm still a bit bitter though and I wish I'd feel more at peace about him. That's why I wonder if I should see him.

    • Show All
    • Yeah I get your point. Thanks a lot for the advice. The trimester started last week at uni and a friend of mine told me to wait until the next trimester (January) before contacting him. I think I'll try to do that. And I'm realizing now that I rarely start talking again to someone I stopped being friends with until I no longer feel angry or bitter about him/her. I guess it should be the same about my ex for it not to hurt my feelings too soon.

    • Great advice! "He agreed to the friendship but I realized that about after a week I was totally over him and really did not care for his friendship." Yeah after all, I felt the same way your ex did, except that I didn't agree to the friendship at all! I moved on quite quickly and never contacted him since. :)

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