What do I do in this situation? advice from both m&f please?

This guy and I met 2 years ago, we are good friends, we talk about everything, he's taken me to posh dinners, on holiday, away for weekends and he takes me and my daughter out for the day.

We are having sex, but we Haven't labelled as being 'together' he says he doesn't know what he wants, he is guarding his feelings, but he gets jelous if I go on a date with another guy, and I too get jelous when he goes with another girl, but he is still meeting for other girls so I know he doesn't jsut want me!

I don't want to push him with an ultimatum because that might ruin what we have but at the same time I want to know where I stand as I'm starting to develop feelings and I don't want to get hurt if all he wants is sex and fun?

Should I a.) step back and let him miss me and hope he realizes he does want more? b.) tell him we can carry on as is but I want to start 2014 with a fresh start knowing where I stand in life, so he has till then to decide? or shall I say I want us to be exclusive but not necessarily go deeper into the relationship stage just yet because I really don't want to fall in too deep and get hurt either?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Have you tried to have a real conversation with him about "where you stand" or "where this is going," and I mean have you tried to have a SERIOUS conversation with him, yet? Until you have actually *attempted* to talk to him, point-blank, about what you want and what he wants, you can't really start plotting your next move. TALK TO HIM. It may be uncomfortable, but you are both adults and you can work through this by acting like adults and having a real adult conversation. Ask him all of those things that have been bugging you: Is he willing to stop seeing other women and just see you? Does he see marriage in his future? Does he want the same things you do, whatever they may be?

    And, at the same time, you must be prepared to deal with the answers and questions that *he* might have. TELL him that you don't want to see other people, but that you *will* see other people as long as he is doing the same and you *expect* him to be okay with that. Honestly, the only way to know what you should do next is to completely open it up and see what he says and what happens. Give the guy an honest chance to tell you *exactly* how he feels and what he wants before anything else.

    If you have the conversation, and end up feeling the same as you do now- that he's noncommital, elusive, and kinda jerky- then I would highly advise you to get some distance. That can mean different things for everyone, but for me, it means detaching a bit from the other person so I can get back to focusing on my own life (and not because I'm hoping he will want me more if I ignore him.)


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What Guys Said 3

  • He could be interested in you, as you have been seeing each other for two years and he's including your daughter in the game, but the fact that you two still are looking for dates isn't good.

    You have to have THE talk with him, about being exclusive and getting engaged.

  • He is a player and only wants you as a fwb.

  • If you want to be exclusive you should tell him. If he doesn't want to be exclusive then you have two options: stop seeing him to avoid getting hurt or start dating other people to see if you find someone better (and willing to commit) while he decides. It's a pretty simple dilemma, actually, not a lot of options.


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