Why won't my boyfriend try moving in with me?

I have been dating the same guy for a few years now and he's said all that time that he couldn't wait to move in with me. now it's a possibility and all of a sudden he won't. he says he wants to but it just isn't convenient for him. he's about to turn twenty, is going to college, lives with his parents and works a little bit on the side. My previous roommate bailed on me and I havn't been able to find anyone new. my place is two bedrooms and very cheap for where we live. I'm in a major bind and asked him to stop living for free with his parents and work to live with me. he says he won't because there's no reason to when we live in the same town and it'll make school harder. it also puts more strain on him to make more money and not save up for when we actually do leave this town. he also says he PLANS on living with me hen we do leave for school. on the other hand he has been recieving 2,000 a year from his very rich family since he was born to take care of his schooling and housing during schooling. my lease works month to month so he wouldn't be "stuck" here if it didn't work out. his parents would always take him back if it didn't work out. and I'm kind of way of moving in with a guy ho seems to be so lazy when I'm far away from home, we've had no prior experience living together, and he's never had to fend for himself. he also has a massive amount of self esteem/confidence issues and I thought it'd really help boost that if he were to try standing on his own two feet. He says everyone says it's a bad idea (everyone being his mummy and his guy-friend who hates me) What does everyone make of this guy? is he just a loser that I need to get rid of? am I selfish and pushing too much on him? or is it that maybe he doesn't really want to be with me but he's stringing me along for some other reason ? I am at a complete loss with this. and am I right or wrong and if I'm right how do I convince him of it? And if not how am I supposed to take him rejecting me?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds to me like he has legitimate reasons to not want to move in with you:

    - He's a student, sounds like money is tight and he can live at the place he currently is for free (who doesn't like free room and board!)

    - You two live in the same town, so seeing each other is a non-issue.

    - He is trying to save money for life after school. Sounds to me like he's got a plan. This guy is motivated, and this is a really good sign.

    I think you are just too eager to live with him. And I can completely understand this feeling, as a girl who has been in the same position. He's only 20, he has lots of time to get his life in order, and you two have lots of time to move in together and have the couple life.

    Appreciate having your own space. If you honestly can't afford it, look for some place cheaper. Maybe a one bedroom place or a room in a house if you can't afford your own apartment.

    When you are older, it will be a better set up. Think of the future. If you two stay together and he has a little bit of money saved for when you two officially move in together, you two will be in a better position than you are now.

    With money saved you could maybe buy a house and some furniture to put in it, or even afford a nicer place. This will all be incredibly important when the time comes.

    But for now, it's best for him to not have to worry about expenses. School is tough, and working while going to school is even harder. I have a lot of friends who worked while they were in school, and they missed out on a lot of opportunities. They missed networking events that could have helped them get better jobs, they missed out on class (working too late the night before), they missed out on time to study and do projects.

    So I think his concerns are incredibly valid. If you try to push the issue, it can push him away.

    I say take the pressure off. you two are still very young and you have lots of time before you can establish yourselves out on your own.

    You are incredibly lucky to have a guy who is planning a future with you. I know right now it might not seem like it because he is refusing to move in with you. But he is planning for a future with you. He is saying he wants to save up money and have more security for when he does move out on his own.

    If you are worried he's not independent yet, well he is only 20. Most of my friends are now just starting to get on their feet (and they are 23-25).

    Give this guy some time. He probably just wants to make sure he can get through school first before he starts planning for the next chapter of his life.

    Your turn to live with him will come soon enough! I know how anxious you feel. You want him to want to live with you. But it's not the right time for him yet and you have to respect that for now.

    Patience is a virtue, and if you push him, he will only pull away.

    • Thank you so much. I have a tendency to expect the worse and I was feeling like maybe he was really just stringing me along and didn't really want any kind of future with me. it all just sounded like hot air :/ he used to want it so much and no it's all different and stuff... maybe that's growing up? I don't know. our family situations are way different too. I have been trying to find a roommate and if I don't get one soon I may have to move away on my own. I hope you're right and thanks a bunch

    • Your welcome! Perhaps it sounded so easy when he was younger, and now that he is older the reality of it all is hitting him. He has bills, school isn't free, so he probably just wants the best for himself and you too. Money is a huge strain on relationships. If you two move in too soon, it can create huge problems in the relationship. If moving in is something he wants to do, then it's okay to wait until the time is right for both of you. You guys will enjoy it more that way :)

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What Guys Said 3

  • He might not see a future with you.

  • You guys are still young and he wants to hook up with more women before he commits?

    • If that's the case then why is he stringing me along?

    • That's a question you need to ask him...

  • Sounds like he just doesn't want to rush it. Didn't he say he wanted to wait till after you finish school? so what's the hurry? Don't act like a crazy person.

    • no it's till we leave our home town and move several hours away. and that is REALLY unhelpful. if you're going to give bad answers keep them to yourself. is it really rushing into anything if we've been together for over four years? and as I said it isn't binding. my lease is only month to month

    • Not really bad answers, you only want to hear what you want to hear. Just because he doesn't to move in with you you think he's 'stringing you along'? What happens if he has some insecurities with living with you? Don't just think about yourself /princess/

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