Dating a divorcing man, what to do?

Hi,

I have started seeing a guy a month ago. He's currently divorcing his wife and it would take a while until the divorce is finalised because they are from a different country (from Europe and work in Asia).

At first it was a normal "hook up", I was not looking for anything serious. Then he started spending more time talking to me and seeing me more often. He wanted us to be exclusive. He also said that he knew the feeling he had for me and he would stop looking for any other woman and I would be the only one he's seeing. However he also said it would be until his divorce's finalised, then we could be "official", and be seen together in public. I like him but I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship. I was hurt badly in the past and been single for 3 years. He also has a young daughter who will go back with his soon-to-be-ex wife. He said all of his holiday would be going back to his home country to see his family and kid, and it might not be fair on me.

I'm a bit worried it might be complicated later on with all these baggages. I'm not sure how long it would take him to get over his wife, they were together for 8 years. The reason for the divorce was that he didn't love his wife anymore and issues between her and his parents. She still loves him and (as he told me) she is putting a lot of stuff on Facebook saying bad things about him to get their mutual friends' sympathy.

I'm still young, 24, he's a few years older. He married young and regretted it. I'm wondering if it's better to stop now and avoid the later complication or just carry on and see how it goes. I have no problem with him having a kid and taking care of his kid because my parents were also divorced. However I'm not sure if I would be comfortable with him spending all his holidays in the future to go back to see his family (if we continue and decide to be in a relationship).

Have you experienced a similar situation? What did you do? What would be the best option to take?

  • Continue seeing him and see how it goes
    Vote A
  • Stop now to avoid later complication
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • i would keep things relatively casual. his life is going through significant change and who knows where he'll be in 6months, a year, etc. he obviously has strong feelings for you but can't commit to anything other than only hooking up with you. but you can't be in public or do the things that really constitutes a relationship and I think that will put a lot of stress on things. if I were you I'd say I like you and while hesistant about a relationship could see one developing with you but I don't think you are really in a good position to get involved in a serious relationship

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    • Thank you for your advice :)

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What Guys Said 2

  • sounds stupid.

    I'll never get why women prefer a divorced man to a man never married. There are studies about this. The claim is that they see he can be committed, but that claim would prove to me women are stupid cause a DIVORCED man would seem to prove to me a failure at commitment.

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    • You're a bit skeptical I think. I have been single for 3 years and not yet ready to have a relationship. I'm still considering whether to go with the flow or be cautious and get out of it when possible. I don't prefer him to other single guys because he's divorcing, but because I get on well with him. It would be much easier to get with a single guy. I'm not keen on getting married if that's what you meant by commitment.

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    • Would you stay with your wife forever even if you don't have feelings for her anymore?

    • I don't choose a wife so casually that my feelings would ever fade.

  • It's kinda hard for me to know what this guy is thinking, because I don't know him.

    I will of course say he might have a hidden agenda, because he is seeing another woman when his divorce isn't even final yet and all that secrecy sounds suspicious.

    If he still wants to keep the two of you a secret even after the whole divorce thing, than that must be seen as an automatic red flag.

    Guys that keep to many secrets are mostly bad news.

    If you guys are an item in the future, I see no problem why he shouldn't take you along with him to meet his daughter and even his family.

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    • He has to keep it secret until the divorce is final because if his wife knows about me, they won't be able to have a "normal divorce". The guy told his wife he didn't love her anymore, they agreed on the divorce before he met me. However if the wife knows, she might react differently, it could be bad. Most of his friends are friends with his wife, that's why he hasn't been able to introduce to them. He took me to see some of his friends tho, including his best friend who understood the situation

    • His wife and his daughter is leaving the country in a few weeks, their divorce will be done in another country (they are not from where I am). So it's unlikely I will come meet his daughter and his family anytime soon, only if we are like a serious couple in a few year time.

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