This is a mess of a situation. Any advice on what I should do or say would be appreciated.
Note that while she wants kids, she didn't want one now, and the franchise business she owns/operates is a sole trader business where if she doesn't work she doesn't get money.
The timeline has been
Our Past Dating
- About 5 years ago my girlfriend at the time and I moved in together in to a rental.
- After a while I realize how much of an alcoholic she is.
- I try and help with the drinking problem but it is ongoing.
- Since I'm no angel either, about 1~1.5 years ago we broke up but neither of us move out due to financial and logistical reasons. It wasn't a bad break up, but we both agree that we don't want to spend the rest of our lives together as there are some relationship deal breaker flaws in both of us.
- We've both dated other people since then, and neither of us wants to get back together again.
- Sometimes when we're both single we'll occasionally have sex, but less and less frequently, and we're not back together just ex with benefits when both single.
The Father Arrives
- A few months ago she starts seeing a new guy and starts having sex with him. So the ex with benefits status is now just flatmate, which is fine by me. then she breaks up with him.
- A few weeks pass with no sex between us even though we're both single.
I'm Moving Out + Going Away Sex
- I've just signed contracts, applied for a loan and paid a deposit to buy a house. ie I'm moving out without her. (yes finally)
- on 15 and 16 Sep my flatmate and I have sex. Again just ex with benefits no relationship.
We Find Out She's Pregnant
- 18 Sep, I come home from work to see her most recent ex over, and she announces that she saw a doctor that morning who told her she is 6-8 weeks pregnant. So her recent ex is the father. They have sex that night.
- 19 Sep I find out that my assumption that she has not, and likely will not tell the father that she had sex with me since he got her pregnant is correct. which I'm not concerned about, and willing to keep that secret.
Also she tells me that the father will be moving in with her. I'm assuming when I move out. Also I'm assuming their relationship will/has probably start again.
I know it's a long and messy story, so thanks for reading it.
I feel I should help them out a bit somehow, but don't know if I should do anything, and if I should what that would be.
- 12 Oct My house purchase went through and I start moving my stuff
- I bust my gut moving my stuff myself (not doing that again) over the next week
- She moves all her stuff too with the help of the father
- We clean up the rental so we can get our bond back, but she has a miscarriage on the 2nd last day
- I'm glad to be in my new place without her
They are still living together, getting married, and trying for another baby. Even though sometimes when she is drunk she tells me she's concerned he's the violent type like many of her past BFs (not me), and she wishes it was me she was marrying and trying to have a baby with.
I don't think he's violent, but it's hard to tell as she is also an occasional self harmer needing a hospital.
She creates her own never ending stream of problems
Most Helpful Girl
Do nothing and move on with your life. Stay friends if you want but I'd stop having sex with her because this situation is going to get very... drama-esque. They obviously broke up for a reason but are going to 'make it work' for the baby. That's always a good start to a lasting relationship.1