Why do I let men cheat on me or use me as fWB?

I've gone back with boyfriends after they cheated on me.. Then I was married for 10 years and at the beginning he treated me badly, flirting with other women and I stayed. My first boyfriend after the divorce is younger then me, he Pursued me and said all the right things.. Then it all changed he told me there was a rumor he kissed someone else.. A month later he broke up with me, but we still saw each other for months..then we got back together a week later he broke it off again.. We have been friends with benefits since. He has made it clear that we are just friends, but he wants me to act like a girlfriend. He knows how much I like him. I don't have daddy issue, my dad has always been around and a great dad. What is my problem? Please help!


Most Helpful Guy

  • It is not easy to figure out someone's problem through some text.

    Yet, I will give it a shot anyway.

    I have seen this behavior before. One of the main reason you get back with your exes is because you are a trusting person and desperately want to feel wanted/loved. As soon as a guy does something horrible like that and leaves, you feel horrible, obviously. You resent that feeling like anyone would, but you take it to the next level. You just want things to go back to the way they used to be, before all that bad stuff happened. That is why you allow yourself to get back with your exes. You trust the guy to chance while you hope that he will do better this time.

    The cold hard truth is: he won't. If a guy cheats on you or abuses you and leaves, he is not going to change when he comes back. Guys who are genuinely sorry about what they did are much more likely to change, but it still isn't a guarantee.

    You have to set boundaries. As soon as a guy does something horrible like that and there is no prospect of him changing or stopping his behavior , you have to force yourself to leave and stay away. I really think that you should cut off the "friend with benefits" thing with your ex. It will eventually cause a lot of emotional pain for one of you, if not both. It will only remind the two of you of the feelings you had for each other. Since you have broken up twice already, there is really no hope for that realtionship.

    Move on. When you meet someone new, give him a chance, but respect yourself too. Do not be afraid to tell him when something is bothering you.

    If you have more questions, feel free to ask them


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I don't know, you tell me.


What Girls Said 2

  • I think it's your first relationship. When you are with somebody that long you become comfortable and familiar with the traits you find in that person so when a new relationship starts you look for somebody who has traits similar to the person you left behind and because their traits are similar they treat you the same way. I guess social deprogramming is what you need here. Find somebody that is completely different from what you normally go for in a guy and then date him.

  • Only you would know


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