Still thinking about a crush; how can I express myself?

Alright, so this is probably going to sound lame, cheesy, cliche, etc. etc. but I'm losing it and need some advice. And I apologize in advance if this is long.

I've known this girl (by girl I mean she's 22) for almost 8 years. We met through a camp for kids with disabilities. At first we were both campers when I was 16/17 (her 14/15). I talked to her a lot but there was no chemistry and I actually had a crush on her friend.

Fast-forward 3 years later, we're both back but as counselors. I talked her the first couple of days and then I suddenly feel chemistry between us. I can sense it. I remember seeing her glance at me pretty frequently. Even a noticeable smile a few times. I never made a move because I was in a rough stage of my life.

Fast forward to this year (another 4 years later), I see her again. I had never thought about her much since the last time I saw her. The feelings came rushing back and again, I would catch her looking at me. During the dance we had for the kids, I would see her looking at me from her table. I KNEW she wanted me to make a move. I never did then. Never did at all during the camp. I didn't even talk to her at all.

This has been killing me since I last saw her nearly two months ago. I see her in my dreams. When I see girls who look like her, I think of her. When I think about love, I think of her.

I am actually a very charismatic guy, even around girls that I like. But I could never muster up to courage to go up to her and say something or ask her out. It's unlike me.

I feel like I need to do something. Something to make sure whether or not we could have something. Unfortunately, she moved to another city for med school so I don't know her exact address but I know which hospital she's going to. She doesn't have Facebook anymore so I can't go that route.

I was wondering if I could use my talent of writing lyrics/poetry to express what I like about her. If I could find out how to send the letter to her, I could send it to her. I know it's something that could scare her away but if she didn't like it, she wouldn't be a perfect fit for me.

What are your thoughts? Please don't say 'Grow a pair' or 'Move on'. I've already tried mustering up the courage to make a move and I can't move on unless I get an answer as to whether or not we're meant to be.

I have just found out that she actually reactivated her Facebook recently. Makes things so much easier. Just gotta find out the best way to go about this.

Thanks for the answers so far.
She said she'd love to get coffee sometime. Just need to find out a good time with our busy schedules.

And I'll hold off on the poem (It's a work in progress right now). I'll take this coffee 'date' as a way to get to know her more and gauge the interest level between us.

Thanks y'all. :)
I wish I could give y'all BA. I went with the one with the most upvotes.

We're still trying to figure out a day to meet. It's a bit tough with being in nursing school at the moment and the fact I live 30 minutes away. I have talked to her everyday (on Facebook) since messaging her and I think she's interesting judging by her replies and saying 'haha' frequently. I also got her number when I didn't even ask for it (I gave her mind first though..).

We'll see. Wish me luck haha.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Very proud of you for realizing that "if she didn't like it, she wouldn't be a perfect fit for me.". It's true. If you feel comfortable writing something for her, why not? Do you two have a mutual friend who might know her new address? I agree with you - try to get an answer from her, somehow, because you're gonna regret for years if you don't.

    • I'm not close with any of her mutual friends. I know two of them from camp but I don't they're that close where they would know her number/address. Plus, I know for a fact that they tend to gossip a lot so I would have a hard time trusting them not to tell her. It may be worth a shot but I'm hesitant. I'll definitely think about it though.

    • Just saw that her Facebook account has been reactivated - now you don't even have to ask the gossiping friends :) I wish you all the best!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • I think sending her poetry is a good idea. Like you said, she wouldn't be your perfect fit if she didn't like it. I can't imagine her not liking it, though -- writing something as personal as a poem for someone is an extremely sweet thing to do. She might find the gesture a little strange since you never really tried to get to know her in the past, but I'm sure she would also be very flattered.

    My only advice is to not become so invested in this to the point where you would end up getting hurt if she didn't respond the way you wanted her to. Just go with the flow, and everything will play out how it should.

    • I've been hurt in the past. I've become kinda used to it. I think at this point, I'd rather know now if there's something there rather than waiting and finding out the hard way.

  • I don't think doing the letter/poetry would help. She might find it creepy or might careless. I would say why not go to the hospital and ask her if she would like to get a bite to eat. Just tell her a friend or family member lives by there and you remembered she worked there. You just wanted to catch up. After that ask her for her phone number and see where it goes from there. You will have to get the nerve to do this. If it makes you feel better take a friend with you.

    • I actually frequent the hospital a few times a month since I'm a kidney transplant patient (she is a transplant patient as well). The things is the hospital is separated (but still connected) between the main hospital and the campus. The only chance I'd come across her would be at the cafeteria or if she's doing clinicals which I don't think 1st years do it.

    • Show All
    • I would never hurt someone I liked. It's not in me. We're already Facebook friends (obviously says that she deactivated her account and didn't delete me). I think I'll ask her to meet in the cafeteria or the coffee/Starbucks area when I'm in the area or at the hospital. That way it isn't too awkward. As for being desperate, not sure how I could be but I'll definitely try not to be. Thanks for the reply. :)

    • Save your poem until after you become more comfortable. That's a great idea it could be your new hangout. Hope all works out

  • I personally think that if you have liked her for so long there must be something, I mean, you can't like someone for that many years and expect there to be nothing.

    I think that you should start off by just Facebooking her, ask her about her current job, if she is happy, and if she is dating anyone! (Very important). While talking to her, get her current address. Write to her expressing how you feel.

    Any girl would be happy to recieve a poem from any guy, you would make her extremely happy I think, but if she doesn't like the gesture you made, then I am sorry but she is not the one. She is just some bump on your road in finding your true love.

    • We've talked on Facebook before (before she deactivated it). I remember contacting her shortly after her transplant in December and we talked about how she was doing, what she was doing for school (this was when she told me she was going to med school nearby), etc. The messaging didn't go on for more than a couple days but they were significantly long (5 paragraphs or so). As for asking if she has a BF, girls seem to assume you're interested in them, which isn't something I want to do right away

  • This is honestly the cutest thing I've read so far!

    I believe everything happens for a reason. And the fact you keep running into her from year to year could mean something.

    Hold on to your poem. Lets not freak her out yet or break your heart if she rejects you.I say talk to her face to face and observe whether she's into you or not. From there on, ask her out, and then you can read her your poem. Say that you love writing poems and you wrote her one and hope she likes it. Awww

    • Sounds like a good idea. Thanks. Just need to find a way to get in touch with her.

  • I just have to admit, this is the cutest thing ever! Okay well, I think that you should try to meet up with her first instead of just going straight to the poem. If you can tell that she returns the feelings give her the poem. Or read it to her. I wish you the best!

  • Ask her on a date maybe? For example if she likes basketball offer her to go to a game together you will have a talk and I hope there will be more dates:)

  • I've personally found that being hung up on someone is usually a reflection on something going on in my own life, honestly. I don't just mean the normal being said after a break up thing, but the being infatuated and caught in circular thinking that you're describing. It's worth a thought to consider and much different than simply saying "move on." Especially because there is a chance that this may not amount to what you want it to. And I want you to know that it will be OK if it doesn't. Best wishes.


What Guys Said 6

  • Okay you told us everything about you and your past. But asking for advice on this kind of subject is too delicate to just give you any response like what most people are going to do.

    You need to tell us more about her, what she likes, what you've done to make her laugh.

    Are you guys even on friend terms? Or have you been shying away like a coward all of these years?

    P.S. Poetry only works if there truly was chemistry involved between you two. So think about it a second time and try not to doubt yourself before you send a poem to her. Because if you're wrong then she will only be spooked.

    • Friend terms? I'd say so. We chatted quite a few times on Facebook. We talked about what our plans were for school, how our transplants were progressing, how she was moving to a nearby area for school (she lived 2 hours away before August but now lives about 40 minutes away). We talked a decent amount when we were campers, but when I started having an interest in her, I shyed away. This was only because I didn't want to make things awkward between us at a 5 day camp.

  • "There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart." ---Melanie Griffith

  • Just get in your head that you are the man. Ask her for her number, ask her on a date . Be cliche , HONESTLY IF YOU CANT MUSTER UP THE COURAGE NOW! SOME OTHER GUY WILL, AND YOU DONT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN DO YOU!?. That is all

    • I gotcha man. But like I said, there's no way to really find her at the moment. The address is simple but it doesn't give an exact location of where she is.

  • Don't send anything to her. First you have to approach her in person and let her know you're interested face to face in PLAIN LANGUAGE. Then, if she reciprocates your interest you offer to show her your poetry or send it to her

    • I understand, it's just a matter of finding her since I have no other ways to contact her (she recently deactivated her FB account).

  • I've read your first "guy comment". I think removing her Facebook (which was your only link to her) was a way to move on from you.

    I am afraid it is too late.

    • I have a hard time believing that she would delete her Facebook account because of one guy. I'd understand if she blocked me or something but I know it was deactivated as I asked a mutual friend of ours (via Facebook) if he still had her as a friend and he said no.

      It's definitely a possibility but I have my doubts.

    • It's more that she deleted her account, which was the only way to keep in touch with you.

      If she had wanted to keep in touch with you, she would have given you her email or Skype or anything else.

    • @Update : Time to not screw it up, and tell her something nice like "I missed you" the next time you chat with her.

  • Go for it! Send her a message on Facebook saying that you miss her and that you would like to take her out. The worst she will do is come up with a poor excuse on why she can't.