I just broke up with my boyfriend and could use some advice on moving on?

So I've been dating my boyfriend a really long time, since I was 15. Today I broke up with him. I love him more than anything and he's my best friend, but he just let me know last night that he's been doubting his feelings for me for a year and that he wants to date other girls. Basically, he just wants either an open relationship or a friendship where I wait around til he either finds someone else or comes back to me. I honestly just couldn't pull that off and I don't think I would be respecting myself if I said yes. So we broke up because for now he has things to work through. Also, he really hasn't been valuing me and I think in order for us to get back together he would have to make me a priority in his life. Though honestly, I'm really struggling as I basically can't remember life before him. What is the best way to work through this, talk it out, and end on a good note? Also, what are the best ways to move on? Any additional advice would be awesome, I'm pretty choked here.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you did exactly the right thing - you shouldn't be considered a 'back up' option until he either decides that he wants to be with you or meets someone else - that's a horrible thing to even suggest.

    I don't think you can end this on a good note - break ups in general are hard especially when one person is still in love with the other. If he's pushing for a friendship - you have to say no, you have to decide that your not going to see him or contact him for a while - forever would be better but a few months would do just now. You need the distance from your relationship so that you can stop thinking of him as being your 'boyfriend' start thinking of him as being your 'ex'. You need that time until you can feel comfortable seeing him with another girl (which may happen) then you need to avoid him as much as possible.

    In terms of moving on - contact your friends invite them over and cry for now, then in a few days when your feeling less choked, focus on your job, you school work, your hobbies whatever it is you have in your life that just yours. Or take up a completely new interest - spend more time with your family and friends. Take it one day at a time and you'll get there.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Although your heart may be breaking, he was honest with you. He didn't want to cheat, or to string you along, or do any of the other horror stories I read day in and day out on this website. He was upfront, honest, and broke it off before you get more hurt.

    Consider yourself lucky?

    I think your best course of action is to shoot for the good note; HOWEVER, I would definitely challenge his idea of wanting to try other women based on this line of Q&A:

    Is he just not clicking with you and falling out of love? OR, did he buy into some philosophy about needing to become "experienced" before getting in too deep, or settling down with, the first girl?

    His answer to this is very important. If it just isn't doing it for him, end it on a good note and wish him happiness elsewhere. However, if he has subscribed to the common societal viewpoint (which is a very bad viewpoint, for a lot of reasons I can explain in another message if necessary) - that he needs to try a bunch of girls before finally picking, he may be missing the best one he ever had -- you.

    Just make sure he's breaking up with you for the right reasons.

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    • *Addendum: Also, it goes without saying you did the right thing about not being a backup. I didn't even put it in my answer because of dismissing it as a possibility. No one should subject themself to that.

  • I know it is painful to lose someone you are that close to and no matter what anyone says the pain is not going to stop. You did the right thing though .

    I suggest reading K├╝bler-Ross' Five Stages of Grief it may help.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I'm so sorry. that sounds super rough. I hate break ups a lot. They're so hard. I just had one that ended because he wanted to go further than I wanted to go, and he also said that my depression got in the way {I suffer from depression} and to get over him, I got myself away from him. fortunately, after he broke up with me, it was before I went on a school trip to belize with a sports team. so I got space and time to think about what happened.

    That helped.

    And it's totally normal to cry, get angry and have mood swings. I was happy in Belize, but everyone could see that I was in a lot of pain. I couldn't eat for part of that trip because I was in so much pain.

    Here are some other things.

    1. hang out with people who don't remind you of that person.

    2. understand that it wasn't your fault. I think this is a big one because people tend to blame things on themselves.

    3. talk to him in a few weeks/months. you don't want to do years, but you need to talk things over and work them out. my ex and I finally had the talk a few weeks ago and smoothed things over. we are now happy friends that have a bit of awkwardness, but we're friends. And that's the good part.

    4. Pick up a new hobby. When I got dumped, I picked up writing. now I like to write and take photos a lot. it really helps with my depression.

    5.Have a fun time. It's hard to agonize over something and it can make you really sick. I got even more depressed after I got dumped and it almost sent me over the edge.

    I hope this helps and stuff. I know I'm not the expert on dating or breaking up. I hope that you feel better soon. Hang in there!

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  • i feel your pain all you think about is getting your ex back but girl that doesn't work over a night focus on yourself and give some time to think about the relationship what went wrong and reflect out of it. once when you gone you will feel you're grown up more from the broke up then when you see your ex he will see something he didn't see before that's on;y way your ex will be back you gotta be strong and absolutly no contact for few months

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  • I know how you're feeling I was with my ex boyfriend since I was 15 & we broke up when I was 18. My situation was kind of similar. He broke up with me because he wanted to live the "single life" but he wanted me to stay available til he was ready for a relationship again. I was heart broken & like you, I couldn't remember life before him. I wasn't sure how I was gonna move on, I mean he was my best friend. The best advice I could give you is to just let him go, don't text him or call him because that's only going to hold you back & keep you from moving on. Trust me, I know how hard it is to keep yourself from contacting him. You just have to find yourself again. Keep yourself busy, go out with your friends. Eventually you'll start to realize you'll be perfectly fine without him, I'm not saying you won't still miss him a little, but you'll realize that you don't need him to be happy. Oh and Don't agree to wait around for him.

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